To think “me-railers” lack self awareness

[MLMbotsgoaway]

Saw a me-rail ever on a Facebook group earlier (changed a couple of details as it’s a large local one)

• genuinely nice chat about a found dog - let’s say a Labrador (it wasn’t - but it wasn’t a breed that gets people frothing either).All “how great it was found, so glad you’re reunited etc”. Then comes along the me me me- telling a long and wonderful story about how their sister was bitten by x breed, it got infected, traumatised for life, etc etc.

I see it quite a lot here on MN too. Is it a lack of self awareness or do these types of poster know exactly what they’re doing?

Just me then

What is a me-railer??

Bit of both probably.
People are lonely, the local FB pages are really busy with extra moaning and general irritating comments at the moment.

ArranBound When someone derails a thread by talking about themselves.

It happens to me all the time. Only yesterday I ...

Social media doesn't give us enough cues really - in a conversation we would know whether adding a personal anecdote helped build cohesion and add to the discussion, or if it just sounded like a derail. Online is harder.

It’s someone who derails a thread (or post) with something all about them that doesn’t really add to the conversation - or more likely - cuts it dead.
So for example - a lighthearted ny dH is driving me mad is me-railed by “at least you have a husband - mine ran off with the gardener and left me in debt, and took the dog”.

I think some of it is lack of self esteem and wanting people to notice them.

@LockdownLil ooh I almost think the opposite. It’s quite easy to go off on a tangent. Online in the example I gave it’s so easy to see that you’re complete off base as you can “see” the conversation.

Seems ok if it's on the same sort of topic. Adds a different spin/opinion to continue the conversation.

Yellow - but it’s usually not. It’s usually something that kills a conversation stone dead as tragedy is usually involved as opposed to an amusing anecdote.

I think people often relate their own experiences and for some people it's the only way they know how to make conversation by sharing their own relatable experiences. I struggle with it but really try to avoid it. Conversation is harder for some people try to be tolerant if someone's not actually being malicious.

@farandfew brilliant!

@Nottherealslimshady

I think people often relate their own experiences and for some people it's the only way they know how to make conversation by sharing their own relatable experiences. I struggle with it but really try to avoid it. Conversation is harder for some people try to be tolerant if someone's not actually being malicious.

Actually this is a fair point about relating your experience - am sure I do this myself quite a bit. It’s the tone deaf ones which are so in opposition to what may be a lighthearted or friendly chat that gets killed stone dead by someone telling a massively irrelevant and negative story I was thinking about - but perhaps they don’t see it like that

I think some of the best conversations start with one topic then move onto others. Seems natural to me.

Just noticed by typo in the Op which probably hasn’t helped me to explain well - wonderful should have read woeful

I remember one where the OP jokingly referred to herself as fat as she had put on weight over lockdown, so weighed more than her natural weight, and was asking for weight loss tips.

Cue posters being offended that they were indirectly being called fat because they weighed more than the OP one said that they are personally disabled and are on medication that makes them gain weight and are depressed...therefore can’t do anything about being fat so the OP was being ignorant/fat shaming/disgusting etc. Like Jesus Christ, what a bloody stretch! It was light hearted self depreciation from the OP? Sometimes your depressing life story isn’t necessary- not everything is about you.

sofiaaa that’s the exact sort of thing I’m referring to.

Yes. Annoys the shit out of me on here. One-downmanship I call it.

OP - 'dh is always picking his nose and it turns my stomach'

Responder 'Well at least you have a DH who has fingers. Mine passed away and had lost his digits due to a nasty farming accident. I'd give anything to see my DH pick his nose'

My friend once said of a mutual friend "if you've been to Tenerife, she's been to eleven-o'reef"

I know what you mean OP.

Some don't realise they're doing it (mostly in RL) but on Mumsnet, it's very definitely often done to close the conversation down and 'guilt' the OP into silence.

As sofiaaa said it's often done on threads about weight gain/loss.

I've seen it too when a MNetter is posting about their struggles with their baby/toddler and someone will come on and tell them how grateful they should be to be able to have children - followed by a long post about their fertility struggles.

@Porcupineinwaiting

I think some of the best conversations start with one topic then move onto others. Seems natural to me.

Absolutely! But if you started a thread going “god I love avocados on toast but they go from rock solid to mush in a day hahah [but, you know, funnier]” and everyone chimes in with jokes, or tips to get them ripe, or whatever and then Susan pipes up with “actually when I was travelling I worked for a charity helping the child slaves who pick avocados and they all get an infectious avocado disease and we in the west are spurring this on. I spend my time advocating for them and in fact my own hand fell off when I was cutting a hass and I when I see an avocado it reminds me of my ex husband who would throw guacamole at me during arguments” it details it into a big chat about Susan.

*derails

Someone posted on the local facebook, yesterday, that their dog has been missing for three days, then someone posted immediately, that they wondered if a man who had gone missing since three weeks ago, who lives a half mile away, had been found yet. Nobody responded to that, but at least ten people posted that they will all go searching for the dog, as it's very very sad when a dog is lost, and the owners would be heartbroken if it was never found.

The to end all this screen conversation, someone said, well, I did find a pair of sun glasses on the village green today.!

I have not heard the phrase "me-rail" before but intend to use it from now on. It's a great one!

Susan pipes up with “actually when I was travelling I worked for a charity helping the child slaves who pick avocados and they all get an infectious avocado disease and we in the west are spurring this on. I spend my time advocating for them and in fact my own hand fell off when I was cutting a hass and I when I see an avocado it reminds me of my ex husband who would throw guacamole at me during arguments”

😂 exactly this.