To think “me-railers” lack self awareness

[MLMbotsgoaway]

Saw a me-rail ever on a Facebook group earlier (changed a couple of details as it’s a large local one)

• genuinely nice chat about a found dog - let’s say a Labrador (it wasn’t - but it wasn’t a breed that gets people frothing either).All “how great it was found, so glad you’re reunited etc”. Then comes along the me me me- telling a long and wonderful story about how their sister was bitten by x breed, it got infected, traumatised for life, etc etc.

I see it quite a lot here on MN too. Is it a lack of self awareness or do these types of poster know exactly what they’re doing?

Never heard of this term before, but love it!

See it all the time and it really annoys me!

There are the one-uppers or one-downers ("Who cares if your mum stole all your savings and slept with your husband? Mine died. Be grateful") and there are the ones who reply with something contraversial or nonsensical and reply to everybody who comments on it, taking over the thread for pages and pages. The first two types are irritating, the last type are trolls.

I used to have a Labrador and I would have been distraught if it went missing, so glad you’re reunited and glad there is a happy ending

@ZoeTurtle I’ve seen the one downers also repeat their wors if everyone try’s to ignore them - so sometimes wonder if they fall into the troll category. Or a thread has to descend into before every post

@AnotherNameForChristmas

My friend once said of a mutual friend "if you've been to Tenerife, she's been to eleven-o'reef"

Or as delivered by Shirley Valentine (Pauline Collins) "If you've got a headache, she's got a brain tumour"

Thank you for introducing me to the phrase.

I don't know. On the one hand it is a discussion forum. On the other hand some people are asking for quite personal advice on challenging things. So I think context is important. For example I started a thread on how bullies feel as adults. I was just musing in the subject and it actually turned into quite a long thread of people sharing thoughts and experiences. So I don't think you can really me rail that kind of post do you?

But then if someone is asking for relationship advice, sharing experience can be really helpful. But I think it's when somone starts comparing their experiences to the op irrelevantly. Like your example with the dog! What has that got to do with anything?!

The people who do it in those situations are probably a good grouping of both massively unaware and lacking in social skills amd/or really attention seeking. There's also part of wanting to put someone right by sharing a contradictory example.

Meh it's a message board, people often use them for different perspectives and contexts, some of those people will be annoying fucking bores

[quote MLMbotsgoaway]@ZoeTurtle I’ve seen the one downers also repeat their wors if everyone try’s to ignore them - so sometimes wonder if they fall into the troll category. Or a thread has to descend into before every post[/quote]
Yes this is a thing too! Somone will say I feel sad my mum never visits me and somone else will chip in with well my mum is dead type thing. This is a form of me railing. It's as if the op can't feel bad/whatever about something because they're not experiencing the worst thing ever!

Don't most threads and discussions get derailed by people talking about their own experiences or those of people they know, including on here?

Most people choose a thread to comment on because the subject resonates and means something to them, so they will talk about their experiences. Same applies with conversation I guess. It just happens.

@Porcupineinwaiting

I think some of the best conversations start with one topic then move onto others. Seems natural to me.

That too. Although I know someone who artificially changes the subject and it can be annoying - in real life. Lets say you're talking about merailers and she will wait for a pause in the conversation and say "changing the subject completely, I saw a really good play on the TV the other night".

I think AAAGH, we haven't finished the original conversation yet!

I think it can be difficult to pick up on social cues through a screen. So maybe a lack of social awareness rather than a lack of self awareness?

Is anyone else a bit scared to post on this thread in case they accidentally me-rail it?

Sometimes I think the poster just need to offload. They read something that stirs up emotions in themselves which they probably don't get to express much, or at all, and it just comes spilling out.

The irrational 'be grateful you still have a mum...' etc. is just the frustration of misfortune. In real life conversation we'd all be picking up the cues that make that kind of interjection inappropriate, but when you've got the distance of time and space that you get from MN, it's easy to overcome.

It doesn't make it any less annoying though.

@NeonIcedcoffee I read that thread and like you say, you couldn’t really “me-rail” it as it was a thought provoking discussion where you are literally telling your story (and some will be very sad).

Me railing, to me, is when someone goes completely off piste with something all about them. And often it is as someone said above an attempt to shut down someone else.

@cologne4711 I don’t actually mind “derailing”. It’s more that sort of post that sort of takes the joy out of everything that’s fine before it - or in a weird way demoralises another poster. The fat shaming example above is the exact sort of thing.

Oh another one is when one poster gets the wrong end the stick about the OP - then everyone does...
so for example should I be letting DD year 9 go to a party with alcohol
Someone aghast - You’re going to let your 9 year old go to a party with alcohol.,.

Cue ten posters berating the OP

I absolutely agree OP. I fully admit I occasionally struggle with being tone deaf but the outright desperate seeking attention posts drive me mad. Mainly because it seems an incredibly crass way of not allowing the OP to focus on their own issue.

I actually find it quite sinister that it can almost be a deliberate block to anyone else being allowed to have an issue or problem in some cases.

I think (I hope) that people can see a difference between a relating of experience that may hopefully help perspective and a me railer. I think they can.

I rather like MN because it's often called out and I rarely see it challenged in real life.