AIBU to plan a large 2021 wedding

[HipHipHoppy]

I got engaged at the start of 2020 and have been putting off arranging a wedding (for obvious reasons...!).

I'm now wondering if, given the news of a vaccine, I can look at 2021.

I'm French (we live in the UK), so I'd be hoping to do it in my hometown; meaning of course, lots of guests would need to travel (not very covid-friendly).

My suggestion has been met with a mixture of excitement, but also scepticism. Some people have made it clear they think this is very irresponsible granted the covid situation - I am conscious that I do not want people to book hotels etc and potentially lose money.

AIBU to just plan for late summer of 2021?

I think large weddings are an absolute waste of money. Congratulations on your engagement though!
[Crawls back under rock].

It’s a big risk. I think things will be improving by next summer but they won’t be back to normal.

Book it whenever you want but just be aware that some people may be reluctant to commit to spending money on flights in case it’s cancelled.

God I hope so, my wedding has been rescheduled to July 2021 after being cancelled this year. At the time of rearranging it seemed a lifetime away but now I have very little faith it'll go ahead as planned If I was booking now, I'd book for end of 2021 or 2022.

I wouldn't - mostly because we didn't have a big wedding planned, but it was bigger than was allowed, and it was cancelled in March (it should have been in May). It was horrendously stressful, and I wouldn't want to encourage that! A lot of people who were in the same boat then decided it had tainted the experience enough that they cancelled wedding planning and are taking some years out.

In the end it worked out for us - we went smaller and did something much closer to who we are, and it was lovely. But those early days were horrendous, worrying about guests and legislation and insurances, and I really wouldn't put myself through that by choice.

No, just give it another year. You don't want the additional stress.

I also think if next year weddings are allowed, there will be a hell of a lot of them - so finding a date that your venue/guests are free might be tricky.

@Darkstar4855 I agree - I suppose we have to accept some people won't come due to the risk. It is made extra difficult by the international element; we have half our family and friends in different countries.

@walkerboot Fingers crossed. I know of several people who have had to postpone multiple times. I suppose in a way that is why I ask the question - booking a wedding mid-Covid which I may then have to postpone, might not be entirely sensible. Waiting till 2022 or beyond just seems a very long time...

It's risky, especially with the travel requirements. What you also have to factor in is venues might be in short supply next year, because as well as people who've booked for 2021 or are planning to, you've also got people who've postponed from 2020 increasing demand.

Honestly, I'd just get married at the registry office and plan for a party when you know this has all blown over.

Another postponed 2020 wedding. Was supposed to be June 2020 now June 2021. Aside from the fact a lot of 2020 weddings pushed back, you may find it hard to even book anywhere for 2021 it is soooooo uncertain at the moment. You need to think about costs, possibly losing deposits etc, insurance (ours were shit, so anyone looking for insurance don’t get John Lewis they’re con artists)

If it were me, I would hold off for a while, at least until the spring to plan a winter wedding, even a 2022 wedding. I’m so sick of the stress of wondering what will happen, I’m thinking of packing the whole thing in and taking the hit on losing deposits just to get it out of the way, it’s really soured me love for a “wedding”

I'd give it another year.

Despite their best plans and ideas with this government wanting large groups of people vaccinated by January, they are more likely to miss these targets than actually meet them.

Plus people have had a tough year, many people might not be able to afford a wedding abroad.

Push it back a year, give people plenty of time to save money etc.

2022 is probably a safer bet and also gives you more time to organise. Trust me, it'll come round quickly! Also, 2021 is going to be chaotic with rescheduled weddings. We already have three to go to next summer. Venues may already be quite booked.

I think if you have your heart set on a big wedding them postponing until 2022 would make much more sense

I'd personally book 2022 to avoid constant anxiety all year waiting to see if your wedding will be cancelled, money lost, everyone's disappointment etc

As much as it pains me to say it, I think that even with a vaccine you're expecting too much too soon.

I'd love to be wrong and I hope whatever you plan works out for you.

Thank you for all the fantastic advice - so many thoughts I hadn't considered.

@CakeRequired I had not thought at all about people possibly having a challenging year financially, that is a very important consideration.

My scepticism about postponing to 2022 is that I hope to have children at some point - and it adds an unnecessary year of postponing that (I'm 33).

Practicalities aside (the 30 day residency requirement comes to mind) I wouldn’t plan anything until travel restrictions are lifted

I think you can reasonably optimistic from June onwards but I would suggest making sure everything is postponable. Accommodation isn't an issue as that can be done on a free cancellation basis easily but flights tend not to be flexible, it is (1 day) driving distance from Calais?

I actually think something to look forward to is just what people need but be conscious that covid has wrecked a lot of people's finances

I would at least wait until Brexit to confirm whether the French side can travel on ID cards or whether they will need passports (I don't think this has been sorted yet).

I would only book if you can get cancellation insurance to cover new lock down and travel restrictions and if one of you or immediate family tests positive.

You've either got to choose from the following really:

1. big wedding and 2022 with likely more happy guests
2. a medium wedding in 2021 in France with people missing who can't afford if and possibly unhappy guests who don't want covid, but you can start ttc
3. A small/medium/possibly large wedding in the UK in 2021/2022 with a party in 2022 if necessary and you can start ttc next year

Honestly with travel etc, I'd keep it to the UK because of the finance issue but still push it to 2022. I'd only have a small wedding next year to be safe because vaccinations aren't likely to be as quick as we hope (great if they are, but don't rely on it).

I think your definitely being overly confident. Maybe small 2021 wedding, but if you want big I’d be thinking 2022 or 2023.

If it helps, I was due to get married next year early summer, and I postponed it in August this year to 2022. A wedding is stressful enough to organise and plan, I didn't want the additional hassle of covid being an issue. You've got not only covid being a potential issue, but also brexit (forgot that until someone mentioned it). That could also affect people's finances.

Personally think that’s taking a very big chance and would postpone to 2022/2023 (I know that seems far away)

A vaccine may be on the cards but that doesn’t mean everyone will have had it by the date of your wedding or your guests might not want to have the vaccine yet as they might not feels it’s safe.

There is also the financial side to think of as well. Many but have lost their jobs or are facing redundancy at the moment. Also think there will be a lot of uncertainty next year and it will still not be back to ‘normal’.

Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear.

Ce n'est pas une bonne idée, je crois. Peut-être votre mariage en 2022.

My scepticism about postponing to 2022 is that I hope to have children at some point - and it adds an unnecessary year of postponing that (I'm 33).

If you’re 33 and planning children then you need to get married ASAP. Get married at your local registration office and have a party at some other time. Or not - money spent on a big wedding will be far more use being saved for maternity leave/pensions/children’s savings.

Since the 2 current Vaccines protect you from Covid disease but not from spreading and infecting others I would think a big wedding next year isn’t going to happen.

Are you ok to lose all the money? Because if your venue/hotel/catering/airline go under, you will be uninsurable for covid right now. Get the legal bit done soon at a registry office and plan a big party for a couple of years away. It is still a celebration of your love and commitment later and you will have he legal protections in place before kids. Is delaying kids really worth it just because you want a party first? If you do have any fertility issues it is better to have time on your side.