To ask at what point you went exclusive with your partner?

[breadbin123]

Just that really

Do people date several people at a time? I never have. You meet someone and see them, only them, until you decide it's not working, then you break up and look for someone else. Serial monogamy - until you meet 'the one'.

@jamaisjedors that does sound a bit cringey, talking about sharing or not etc. But I have no horse in this race so to speak as I have never done OLD and realise I might be out of date.

From the first date for both.

I had a crush on this guy for years, but whenever one of us was single the other wasn’t.

Usually I wouldn’t be exclusive from the first date, but I’d known him and fancied him for a while so literally cancelled other dates as soon as he asked me on our first.

I know they say don’t put all your eggs in one basket, but it felt right. Married with a child now, 11 years later. ☺️

From the moment I got a letter in my letterbox on a Sunday morning from a colleague I'd fancied for 2 years. We basically said I LOVE YOU over our first lunch date, which was on the following Monday. That's nearly 12 years ago now.

It seems that there's a lot of need to keep your options open now. In case something better comes along? Because you can scroll through pages of possible partners it's almost a case of too much choice? Maybe the next one you see on the screen will be 'the one' or the one after that...

For me, it was just always a given that when you were seeing someone, you didn't see anyone else. Perhaps times have changed though, I was only 17 when I started seeing DH and that wasn't yesterday

I’m with the oldies. Possibly because I am an oldie. Immediately, but it was never explicitly discussed, just kind of understood. We never exactly “dated” either though...

After the first date

How did you know they were the one?

@breadbin123 because I didn’t want to spend time with anyone else. You just know. Having said that I don’t believe that we only have one great love in our lives, just that sometimes it’s not the right time . But a great love at the right time, you just know

I thought this ‘exclusive’ business was an American thing? Brits don’t tend to date several people at once. You kind of just ‘get off’ with someone then you start going out with the assumption it’s just the two of you involved until it fizzles out or you break up.

@breadbin123

How did you know they were the one?

I don't get this. There isn't "the one", there is "a one". I can't say with absolute certainty that I am going to spend the rest of my life with my partner, even though I love her now. I sincerely hope that I do but something might go wrong, we might just grow apart.

Now, if we were to break up, after a while we would just date other people (or be lonely cat ladies for the rest of our lives, that's always a possible scenario).

We didn't meet online so it is different. However, when we were starting out as a couple and met up with each other, we liked one another and enjoyed one another's company and were attracted to one another. So we kept going out and meeting up and spending time together. And I didn't go out with anyone during that time when I was getting to know her because... it just never really occurred to me that that could be considered anything but two timing.

Before I met her, I went out with someone else. Only lasted a couple of months because, while they were a perfectly nice person, we had very different interests and just never really clicked. Now, I spent most of those two months, not unhappy, but not sure that I really wanted a romantic relationship with this person. Gave it a shot, parted amicably. And I didn't go out with anyone else during that time because it would have struck me as very disrespectful towards a nice person who was spending time with me in the hope of a possible relationship.

Whoops, it wasn't meant to be that long!

Probably about 2-3 weeks into dating we knew it was getting very serious very quickly ( we didn't know each other before out first date was very thrown together , friend set us us, very much a blind date really ) he said he fancied me for ages and. Used to message me on social media. I used to always ignore him didn't realise until we was having a drink one evening and he said check- I did and their was tons of blanked messages haha I felt guilty 🤣 but here we are 9 years later ... and HE IS STILL ALIVE JUST ABOUT!!

Really interesting, especially so many people saying from the first date. I think certainly with online dating it would be seen as a red flag to be exclusive from a first date (apart from I suppose if you had spoken for a long time before).

I guess with online dating I would be looking at at least 3 or 4 dates before I even considered becoming exclusive and not dating others anymore

@thepeopleversuswork

These people saying "I only do exclusive" and "don't date around" are missing the point.

If you do OD it doesn't work like that. Can't work like that really. On your first date you won't ever have seen the person before or know the first thing about them. You can't be telling them based on one two hour drinks or dinner date - at which you may not even have kissed -- that they don't date anyone else. That will send most people running for the hills.

I think that you should be able to, though?

It doesn't have to be a commitment, just not treating a person like a commodity.

I wouldn't OLD because whilst I wouldn't be demanding a full commitment, I neither would be interested in working out if more than one person was good for me at the same time, nor would I enjoy the idea that I was being weighed up against Wednesday, Friday and Sunday's dates.

I just don't build relationships like that. For me, it's either worth continuing to date someone or you stop and date someone else. That's nothing to do with a long term commitment.

Depends if you’re asking twenty somethings or fifty somethings surely 🥰

We met online back in the dark ages (1998). We were clear that we were looking for a committed relationship and our first date went well so that was that really. Neither of us were really into seeing more than one person at a time.

From first date. Wasn't ever a conversation we needed to have. Neither of us were serial daters so hadn't been dating anyone else for a while before each other.

About ten minutes after I met him.

Right from the start. We’d known each other for a few months through some friends but neither of us were actively looking to date anyone

First date with everyone. Never dated more than one person at a time. If that's not what they wanted then that was fine, but good bye from me.

From 1st date, we never had all this seeing each other, dating, exclusive, getting serious.

We had our date, he asked to see me again that was just a given he nor I would be going on dates or kissing anyone else.

From the first date. Not because I immediately knew he was 'the one' or any of that stuff. Just because dating non-exclusively is not something I ever did.

Always from the start. Agree this 'dating' is an American thing / online dating thing. Or maybe an age thing.