To ask at what point you went exclusive with your partner?

[breadbin123]

Just that really

[Serialcatmum]

I think it depends how you meet the person..

We met online and I’d already lined up a few days for the next couple of weeks 😳

But I knew I needed to be exclusive when I went in a date with a new man and felt instantly uncomfortable. I didn’t delete the app for ages. But I hadn’t felt the need to log in either.. although I did pop on to see when he’d last been active! It was just before our first date 😍
Married now..

[Ohalrightthen]

@TeenyTinyDustinHoffman

Out of interest, OP and others, when you say you weren't exclusive, was that an openly agreed thing? As in, "I quite like you but I'm not sure yet so I'm going to keep seeing other people for a while."
Or, is it just expected (in the USA, if that's where you are?) that you date a few people at once?
Sorry if it's nosy, but I'm curious!

My husband was (supposed to be) a one night stand at a wedding, ha. When he got in touch after and asked me out, i told him that i was in an open relationship and sleeping with a bunch of folk. His response was "huh."

[breadbin123]

Interesting responses so far.

I asked on a thread a few days ago about if it was unreasonable to ask someone I had been texting for three months and been on a couple of dates with to be exclusive and was told absolutely way too soon

[LionessRoar]

Immediately, never entered my mind to date more than one person at a time. My husband felt the same, but we are both pretty old fashion, met in our 20s

[movingonup20]

I deleted my online dating profile in the car park after our first date. He told me he deleted his before we even met in person. Wish me luck, we are awaiting exchange of contracts on our first house together, didn't happen yesterday so a weekend of waiting

[movingonup20]

@Sparklingbrook

Apparently dating multiple people is a thing now! I personally wouldn't dream of it, I met one person at a time when I was old,

[Glitterblue]

We never had the conversation but we didn't even think about seeing anyone else at the same time. I didn't even know people discussed being exclusive!

[Oryxx]

OLD is a different to traditional dating, though. I would guess that the majority of posters here who said they were exclusive from the first date didn’t meet online where is it assumed both parties will have other irons in the fire.

My current BF and I met online. We clicked immediately and had several dates in quick succession. We had the exclusive chat about 2 weeks in which was pretty speedy from my experience with OLD.

[KeepOnKeepingOnKeepingOn]

When we bumped in to some friends of his and he introduced me as his girlfriend

[Sparklingbrook]

[quote movingonup20]@Sparklingbrook

Apparently dating multiple people is a thing now! I personally wouldn't dream of it, I met one person at a time when I was old, [/quote]
I feel ancient. I would start going out with someone, then it would end then I would go out with someone else. No overlap or anything and wouldn't have dreamt of sleeping with someone who was sleeping with other people. No OLD back in the day though.

[AlternativePerspective]

I only do exclusive. Have never understood this need to have a conversation about it, once you’re seeing someone, you’re seeing someone, surely?

Any man who told me they wanted to wait to declare exclusivity wouldn’t be for me and that would be the end of it.

But I get the impression that OLD is a bit like a sweet shop where you try before you buy so to speak. All very shallow, and if you happen to meet someone you feel more for then that’s more by luck than anything else. Hideous concept and it wouldn’t be for me.

[Chimbleys]

He was a ons that was so good that I kept him. Mutually exclusive from then on. 20 years later and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. He says he feels the same and I believe him.

[WorraLiberty]

@breadbin123

Interesting responses so far.

I asked on a thread a few days ago about if it was unreasonable to ask someone I had been texting for three months and been on a couple of dates with to be exclusive and was told absolutely way too soon

Are you talking about online dating or 'traditional dating'?

I only ever did the latter but either way, you draw the lines and make them clear.

If you're not happy with him dating other women (and I wouldn't stand for it) then tell him.

If he's not happy with that then he's not the man for you.

[AdventureCode]

I can't imagine meeting someone on the first date and having that conversation, you would seem crazy.
I've been OLD where we've both mentioned that we're not dating anyone else, but thats purely because i dont have the time to date more with work and kids and i think its the same for him too. Rather than agreeing to be exclusive to each other on that first date.

[WorraLiberty]

@AdventureCode

I can't imagine meeting someone on the first date and having that conversation, you would seem crazy.
I've been OLD where we've both mentioned that we're not dating anyone else, but thats purely because i dont have the time to date more with work and kids and i think its the same for him too. Rather than agreeing to be exclusive to each other on that first date.

I feel completely ancient now because when I was dating (not OLD), it went without saying that you only dated one person at a time.

Otherwise people would be firmly labeled as a 'two timer' and no-one wanted to be known as that

[corythatwas]

I think there may be a split here between posters from a strong dating culture and posters from places where dating is less of a thing.

In the circles where I moved, both in the UK and in my home country, in the 1980s, there wasn't much of a formal dating culture. I went out for drinks or meals with friends, I was physical with the one person I was going out with. The assumption was that there was no overlap between socialising as a friend and going out.

OLD of course would have been a totally different dynamic but we didn't have that.

[Sparklingbrook]

@WorraLiberty yes I was not going to be a two timer or indeed be two timed by anyone else. But it wasn't an issue-it just didn't happen.

[Givemeabreak88]

I don’t think you are gonna get accurate answers on here as most people commenting have probably been in a relationship for a long time now, old is really different to how it was dating before, if you told a guy you met old that you wanted to be exclusive on the first date you would be seen as unhinge and I’m sure if you posted on the relationships board that you went on one date and the guy has asked you to be exclusive you would get told it was a red flag!

[thepeopleversuswork]

I think the "exclusive" thing is not just a US vs UK thing: becomes more relevant when you meet someone online: there's an expectation that you are dating multiple people so you wouldn't expect to have that conversation as early as if you met someone "organically". If you get together with someone you've already been mates with there's an expectation that you've already made the mental leap to take it to the next level.

In my case I have a DD and I think that slowed things down quite a lot because I told my bf very early on that we would have to take things cautiously. If I hadn't had a child it probably would have moved a lot faster.

[farandfew]

We were exclusive from day 1 and I mean way before we ever actually went on a date. I wouldn't have carried on being interested in him if he was interested in someone else. But obviously this is way before OLD was a thing.

[PronkWine]

From the day I met him, first date 5 days later, second date the next day. Then, what felt like, five minutes later we seemed to be married with children 🤣

[SimonJT]

Just shy of two months I think, I know we went exclusive the Monday after glastonbury. I had an fwb type arrangement with an ex until then, he was going on nights out and hooking up with various people.

[MaxNormal]

From the first kiss. We'd been friends first. I'd have been incredibly hurt if he'd been seeing other people as well! But it wasn't like that at all, we were both totally into it and in love right from the start.

I always thought of the multiple dating thing as American, I suppose its come here through online dating. Easier to treat a total stranger like that than someone part of your peer group or who you meet through friends.

[sophandbridge]

First date. Anything else is not OK in my book.