To ask at what point you went exclusive with your partner?

[breadbin123]

Just that really

[Redred2429]

From the first date

[OrangeIsTheNewTwat]

Immediately. We both knew. Got engaged pretty quickly too. Been together 16 years.

[Flower8]

First date. I had been of plenty of awful date's, or date's where i knew i wasn't interested. But with my DP i knew, our coffee date turned into us spending the whole day together. And we both just knew.

[flaviaritt]

First date. For me, you’re either with someone or you’re not. If I was going for coffee or a meal with someone, even if it was technically a ‘date’, that’s not actually going out with them. But if there’s romance (kissing or sexual stuff) then I would consider myself to be ‘with’ that other person. I wouldn’t be sleeping with more than one person at a time. Sounds like vague hard work.

[MozzchopsThirty]

Not for a while, maybe a few months
Because we were essentially just enjoying each other for a fuck

He kissed someone else, so did I
I went on a few dates

I'd probably say about 3 months

[EThreepwood]

OLD 2nd date. He was the only one special enough in my eyes to warrant a second date and we were both crazy about each other.

3 years later we're engaged with a baby on the way.

[Anothermother3]

OLD exclusive from the first date because neither of us would date more than one person at a time. I don’t think I have the emotional capacity. We had been emailing for a month prior almost daily. Together ever since.

[TeenyTinyDustinHoffman]

Also, sorry if this is a bit personal but when you say dating...
Is that just going out for meals, say? Or are you meeting up at home, is there a physical relationship or is it a bit more like a friendly interview?
And, say, if you do meet up just for drinks but end up going home and sleeping together, do you go exclusive at that point or do you carry on with other people?

[mineandyours]

First date

[TeenyTinyDustinHoffman]

So, OP and others, you could meet up with Simon on Friday, get along and want to see each other again. But see Mark on Saturday, John on Monday and Liam on Wednesday... And you whittle it down until you figure out which one's your favourite. Okay.
But Mark is also seeing Sarah, Helen and Jane. He likes Helen better than you.
Simon is seeing Julie and Mary. He likes Mary best.
John is seeing Emma and Suzie. Prefers Emma over you.
Liam is seeing Cathy and Eva and Joanna and Dana and Annie (busy man, is Liam) and wants to continue with Eva.

So that hasn't worked.
Of course, maybe not everyone's serial dating. If, after a few weeks you tell Mark that you want to be exclusive and Mark gets a bit put out as he has assumed you had both been exclusive from the start, then what? Do you just try again with the second best?

I'm going to assume that serial dating doesn't involve quite so many people (there will always be a Liam) but I can't see how this is any easier than normal dating.

[Porcupineinwaiting]

From the first date. Anything else would mess with my head.

[Goosefoot]

Always, though we broke up for a period and then I dated someone else for a bit.

I do think the multiple dating thing is related to OLD. I'm very glad I've not had to try and function in that environment.

[2021optimist]

As soon as we met!

[TWBAEM]

I met DH online and we were only ever exclusive. We chatted for a while online before meeting and I didn't even respond to messages from other men on the site once I had started talking to him and he was the same. I wouldn't have wanted to be distracted by considering anyone else at the same time. If it hadn't worked out with him I would have then responded to the other messages I got but again only one at a time. As it was they all got polite messages saying I was now involved with someone.

Afterwards he told me that he had been looking at two women's profiles and decided to contact me out of the two. He didn't contact the other woman simultaneously but if we hadn't have worked out and we stopped dating then he would have got in touch with her. So he had the same attitude as me.

[MsJudgemental]

Always from the start. Agree this 'dating' is an American thing / online dating thing. Or maybe an age thing.

[lazylinguist]

From the first date. Not because I immediately knew he was 'the one' or any of that stuff. Just because dating non-exclusively is not something I ever did.

[Bourbonbiccy]

From 1st date, we never had all this seeing each other, dating, exclusive, getting serious.

We had our date, he asked to see me again that was just a given he nor I would be going on dates or kissing anyone else.

[janetmendoza]

First date with everyone. Never dated more than one person at a time. If that's not what they wanted then that was fine, but good bye from me.

[2Kidsinatrenchcoat]

Right from the start. We’d known each other for a few months through some friends but neither of us were actively looking to date anyone

[Meowchickameowmeow]

About ten minutes after I met him.

[pincertoe]

From first date. Wasn't ever a conversation we needed to have. Neither of us were serial daters so hadn't been dating anyone else for a while before each other.

[VinylDetective]

We met online back in the dark ages (1998). We were clear that we were looking for a committed relationship and our first date went well so that was that really. Neither of us were really into seeing more than one person at a time.

[HeartZone]

Depends if you’re asking twenty somethings or fifty somethings surely 🥰

[thecatsthecats]

@thepeopleversuswork

These people saying "I only do exclusive" and "don't date around" are missing the point.

If you do OD it doesn't work like that. Can't work like that really. On your first date you won't ever have seen the person before or know the first thing about them. You can't be telling them based on one two hour drinks or dinner date - at which you may not even have kissed -- that they don't date anyone else. That will send most people running for the hills.

I think that you should be able to, though?

It doesn't have to be a commitment, just not treating a person like a commodity.

I wouldn't OLD because whilst I wouldn't be demanding a full commitment, I neither would be interested in working out if more than one person was good for me at the same time, nor would I enjoy the idea that I was being weighed up against Wednesday, Friday and Sunday's dates.

I just don't build relationships like that. For me, it's either worth continuing to date someone or you stop and date someone else. That's nothing to do with a long term commitment.

[breadbin123]

Really interesting, especially so many people saying from the first date. I think certainly with online dating it would be seen as a red flag to be exclusive from a first date (apart from I suppose if you had spoken for a long time before).

I guess with online dating I would be looking at at least 3 or 4 dates before I even considered becoming exclusive and not dating others anymore