To ask at what point you went exclusive with your partner?

[breadbin123]

Just that really

[CakeRequired]

We never really had a conversation about it, we started hanging out as friends, started spending way more time together, ended up kissing and just transitioned into boyfriend/girlfriend. Now we are engaged, but we did talk about that.

[KittenCalledBob]

I agree that the people saying 'first date' may be talking about pre-OLD days. DH and I have been together for 23 years. Back then if you started going out with someone it would be really weird to date other people at the same time. Or at least I wouldn't have done it!

[FundamentallyFucked]

The idea that when you start dating someone it's not exclusive is actually beyond me.

[VanCleefArpels]

“Going exclusive”was not a thing a quarter century ago. You went out with someone and if it went well you went out again until either party put an end to it and then you moved on the next person (or not!). The availability of Tinder etc has made people far more likely to keep their options open for something “better” thus not allowing themselves to bec”exclusive” with someone. This is not a good development in my view.

[UnaCorda]

FML.

[Sparklingbrook]

@VanCleefArpels

“Going exclusive”was not a thing a quarter century ago. You went out with someone and if it went well you went out again until either party put an end to it and then you moved on the next person (or not!). The availability of Tinder etc has made people far more likely to keep their options open for something “better” thus not allowing themselves to bec”exclusive” with someone. This is not a good development in my view.

I agree- this is not progress is it?

The whole 'are we exclusive?' chat sounds mortifying. The other person has the option to say no presumably as they still have 3 FWBs and someone they have their eye on if all else fails?

[ScotchBunnet]

From date one. I didn’t really do dating around - I would wait to see if it worked out with one person before moving on to the next. Luckily he felt the same.

[Cocolapew]

God yes I met DH 26 years sgo, way before OLD. Going out with just one person was the norm.

[firesong]

I don't know... we didn't ever discuss as it was assumed once we were together. We were friends for a couple of decades. Then some kissing etc and after a few weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend and both expected fidelity without discussing it, if that makes sense.

[TheFlis12345]

Right from the start. We worked together so knew if we were going to give it a go, we both properly needed to be invested or it would be a nightmare.

[Proudboomer]

This thread is making me feel old. It has been many years since I was in the dating pool but i don’t think I would like it if I had to have the talk about exclusive or not.
Even as a child I wasn’t good at sharing so if I was with someone then it is me only or not at all.

[LadyCatStark]

Straight away but we’ve been together for nearly 15 years and I don’t think “exclusivity” was really a thing back then. I’d hate to think that DH had been carrying on with other people at the same time as me even 15 years later.

[firesong]

Obviously online dating is going to be different! On your first date you wouldn't have ever seen each other before. I wouldn't want to sit down with someone I have just met and declare myself faithful to them 😆 I haven't done online dating before though

[thepeopleversuswork]

These people saying "I only do exclusive" and "don't date around" are missing the point.

If you do OD it doesn't work like that. Can't work like that really. On your first date you won't ever have seen the person before or know the first thing about them. You can't be telling them based on one two hour drinks or dinner date - at which you may not even have kissed -- that they don't date anyone else. That will send most people running for the hills.

[BiBabbles]

Expectation-wise, I've had it all over the place from just saying you like someone and them agreeing was seen as an agreement to go exclusive to those where until you agree to date (rather than just seeing each other) then as long you're not trying to hide/lie about anything, then exclusiveness is not expected.

As a teenager, I was encouraged to be more the latter - not to get too serious with one person, which suited me as long as things are clear - but met several of the former who were after that instant fairy tale that got nasty when I couldn't read their minds.

I also found the full spectrum of these in online dating back in the '90s, but it was a very different space to today - it was more people on the same hobby forums/chatrooms chatting privately deciding they liked each other and then would be 'seeing' each other. Again, largely high school/college/uni students, so in person and online, there was quite a bit 'hanging out' with people in the group.

That's how I met my spouse - online writing and roleplay forum. We had no expectation of exclusiveness -- it was kinda expected that when thousands of miles apart, we might date others and I was at the time Neither of us started dating new people and eventually all the others fell away. We didn't really have 'the talk', but it kinda naturally evolved into just us two when we started talking about living together for a summer (which turned into marriage 6 months later).

[speakout]

From first date- I have never dated more than one person at a time.

[Sparklingbrook]

I don't get the OLD thing... Why would you be doing OLD if you were seeing someone else already? Do you not go on it because you are single?
Or do you line up loads of blind dates and kind of pick at the end?

[PandemicImpact]

@thepeopleversuswork.. well you can and I did. I had chats with all the guys before I met them that I would expect them to stop dating others if they wanted to have a second date. I'm in my late 40's and I think it makes a difference.

I didn't want to date like it was a free for all. You meet, you want a second date and from that point you at least put all your efforts into that one 'relationship' while it lasts.

[Fridaysgirl17]

From our first date we had met about 2 months before hand and were texting and talking from then,on our first date it just was right,we decided we only wanted to see each other, luckily so as I got pregnant about 4 weeks later,our first night together lol, contraception fail,but we pulled together and 4 year's later have 2 beautiful boys

[thepeopleversuswork]

Sparklingbrook because with OD when you meet someone you have never seen or spoken to them before. So it’s likely to take 2-3 dates before you get a reasonable sense of what they are like and whether you fancy them.

It doesn’t really make sense to suspend your dating activities until you are fairly sure there is potential with any one person.

Also because there’s a tendency when people are doing it to get a bit over-invested with someone they are messaging or maybe have met once and get carried away and then feel deflated when it doesn’t work out.

So for your own self-preservation it makes sense to treat things as casual until they are not IYSWIM.

[thepeopleversuswork]

PandemicImpact fine and fair enough... but you still have to meet them before you tell them it’s exclusive! So really this would be exclusive from second date?

[AlwaysLatte]

From the first date. If he wasn't right I would have stopped it before taking up with anyone else. But he was perfect so I married him!

[lazylump72]

first date here too ...for both of us! I did check with him too!!!

[Sparklingbrook]

@thepeopleversuswork

Sparklingbrook because with OD when you meet someone you have never seen or spoken to them before. So it’s likely to take 2-3 dates before you get a reasonable sense of what they are like and whether you fancy them.

It doesn’t really make sense to suspend your dating activities until you are fairly sure there is potential with any one person.

Also because there’s a tendency when people are doing it to get a bit over-invested with someone they are messaging or maybe have met once and get carried away and then feel deflated when it doesn’t work out.

So for your own self-preservation it makes sense to treat things as casual until they are not IYSWIM.

I think I would still do one at a time TBH. I know straight away if I fancy someone or not, within the first two minutes really.

Interesting insight though. I have DSs of 21 and 18 and will be interested to ask them about what it's like dating these days.

[tattooedmummy1]

From the first date. We'd had 3 months of chatting before our first date.
I don't remember exactly when we both deleted our tinder profiles though.