Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Terrified after hosp call.

42 replies

W2020 · 21/11/2020 13:26

Please can I ask for a handhold and some words to call me down?

DM had a heart attack two weeks ago, this morning I found her having a stroke. Been struggling to deal with it this morning so just called the hospital to see if there is an update.
Reception put me through to a&e, a&e put me through to another section.

On the other side of the phone I could hear a woman screaming and howling in pain. The most horrific sound I've ever heard. The man told me they were in the middle of a medical and emergency and (the polite version of) go away.

I don't know if that poor woman is my mother. I'm clinging on to the fact it's unlikely. But it sounded like her. I can't stop shaking.

OP posts:
EdinaMonsoon · 21/11/2020 13:27

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Do you have any other family to speak with? Are you alone or is DP/DH with you?

LubaLuca · 21/11/2020 13:28

Are you able to go to the hospital, and wait for someone to be able to tell you what's happening and hopefully to see your mum?

Moomum123 · 21/11/2020 13:29

Oh bless you, that must be frightening. Hold tight to the thought that she is in the best possible place, surrounded by experts, equipment and drugs. Hopefully the person who was experiencing the emergency has been treated and is comfortable now. Flowers and hugs for you, I hope when you get news later that it is all good.

Spied · 21/11/2020 13:30

So sorry for all you are going through.
In your situation I think I'd wait five minutes, gather myself the best I could, call back and explain what you heard and demand to know what the hell is going on.
Sorry I'm not much help.
Rest assured that your dm is with professionals who will know what treatment she needs and do all they can to help her.

Original poster
W2020 · 21/11/2020 13:30

Exdp is here taking car of our daughter. No visitors aloud at the hospital because of covid. I wish I could be there.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 21/11/2020 13:31

Right - you don’t know if that was your mum or not but most likely it’s not. Think of the thousands of people in the hospital at the moment and they were having a little trouble locating where your mum was receiving care (going from one phone dept to another). It very probably was not your mum.

FlowersFlowersFlowers

Your mum is probably tucked up in a bed somewhere having some tea. Hold on tight and wait for news.

ohfourfoxache · 21/11/2020 13:32

You could give it a couple of hours and call again - hopefully they will be less busy then.

Do you have anyone you can call?

Keep as busy as you can, waiting for news is the pits

happytoday73 · 21/11/2020 13:33

Will they let you in? I'd be inclined to go to hospital and then ring from carpark... See if they will let you in.

I'm so sorry you are going through this 💐

MichelleScarn · 21/11/2020 13:34

@Spied

So sorry for all you are going through. In your situation I think I'd wait five minutes, gather myself the best I could, call back and explain what you heard and demand to know what the hell is going on. Sorry I'm not much help. Rest assured that your dm is with professionals who will know what treatment she needs and do all they can to help her.
demand to know what the hell is going on? Really? The rest of the post was sensible, but please don't do the above, call and ask for an update. Hope you know soon.
Joditaylorfan · 21/11/2020 13:35

Oh you poor thing how scary. It is unlikely to have been your mother. Horrible not being there with her. Flowers

DangerMouse17 · 21/11/2020 13:35

Pls dont call back in 5mins and "demand to know what is going on". The person may not have been your mother and they will need to focus on that patient. Take a breath, have a cup of tea or do something that normally calms you. Then call back and try to get an update. Sorry you're going through this OP, sounds scary and I hope your mum is ok.

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 21/11/2020 13:36

You poor thing. Maybe you can ask to be put through to Reception at A&E and ask them to ask the medical staff to update you when they are able to. If you think about how busy A&E departments are, treating a great many patients simultaneously and how many have to come in through Resus as an emergency (road accident victims, people with fractures - very painful), the likelihood of it being your mother is quite small. Also, in my experience, stroke patients don't howl and scream in pain usually. Hopefully, your mum has been receiving all the right drugs since her admission and is comfortable.

AlwaysLatte · 21/11/2020 13:37

Oh bless you, what a terrifying time. Look at the odds given that I bet there are at least 10 beds in that part alone, and it would be a 1/10 chance it was her, so much more likely it wasn't. Also I don't think strokes are associated with severe pain - some people get headaches, but I'm not sure they would be screaming in pain from them. But as others have said I'd go to the hospital reception and try to get some news that way. Hope she's ok 💐

SunShinesStill · 21/11/2020 13:38

@Spied

So sorry for all you are going through. In your situation I think I'd wait five minutes, gather myself the best I could, call back and explain what you heard and demand to know what the hell is going on. Sorry I'm not much help. Rest assured that your dm is with professionals who will know what treatment she needs and do all they can to help her.
Really bad advice. The person has said there is an emergency and they are sorry they can’t speak. It might be your mum or someone else, but the fact they have medical people with them giving them care and prioritising them is only a good thing. Phoning back and taking someone away from medical care demanding isn’t going to help whichever person is getting care.

If hospital is a bit away ffrom you, you might feel better sitting and phoning from the car park outside. If it’s near stay and give your child a hug at home. It is shit not being able to go in, but you got her help and that’s awesome.

Lotsachocolateplease · 21/11/2020 13:42

In your situation I think I'd wait five minutes, gather myself the best I could, call back and explain what you heard and demand to know what the hell is going on.

The above is terrible advice from @Spied
An emergency takes up a lot of staff and time and their priority is the patient and not the family member waiting for news, harsh as that sounds, and in no way minimising how you’re feeling but please give it longer than 5 mins!
When you phone back have a pen ready to write down the phone number of the department she’s on so you can get directly through next time. Give them your number so they are able to contact you if need be.
Ask what tests she’s had. And what will happen next. I hope she’s ok and Flowersfor you

ScrapThatThen · 21/11/2020 13:43

I wouldn't have thought patients with cardiovascular emergencies like heart attack and stroke are the most likely to be screaming in pain, more likely someone with an injury or mental health issue. I'm so sorry you can't be with your mum and don't have any news. Decide when you will phone again, find something to busy yourself and talk to your loved ones. She is being cared for ❤️

Original poster
W2020 · 21/11/2020 13:51

Thank you. I won't be calling back in five minutes. If anything I'll give it a few hours, aside from that patient needing care, I also don't want to risk hearing it again. As pathetic as that sounds.

OP posts:
bearlyactive · 21/11/2020 13:54

It's not pathetic, the sound of one of my own family members screaming will haunt me forever. Sit tight, and here's a handhold.

happytoday73 · 21/11/2020 13:56

Not pathetic at all.
Do they have your number so can update you when free? If not I'd ring back to reception and A&E.. Tell them that they put you through to another dept but they were to busy dealing with a medical emergency so could you leave a number for them to get back to you.

Wandafishcake · 21/11/2020 13:58

I think it’s unlikely to be your mother. Strokes and heart attacks wouldn’t lead to that sort of crying, more likely you were passed onto another person within A&E and somebody with a very painful injury or possibly a mental health problem was nearby.
You think it sounded like your mother because you are upset and worried, but it truly probably wasn’t x

PatriciaPerch · 21/11/2020 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SentientAndCognisant · 21/11/2020 14:04

I completely understand how hearing the distress of an unwell adult is scary and upsetting
You’re obviously sensible to ignore the demand an answer suggestion
I wish you well, and hope mum makes a recovery

@spied you’re absolutely crackers giving that verbose advice call back and explain what you heard and demand to know what the hell is going on you’re not calling Pizza Hut to demand an explanation why order is late. Wards are scary, noisy,busy environment were unfortunately on occasion adults are in distress. The ward staff bound by confidentiality and are not compelled to give an explanation. Nor, is anyone in a position to demand an explanation

WeAllHaveWings · 21/11/2020 14:09

I've been there and the worry with the added feeling of helplessness if you can't be beside your mum due to covid restrictions and not knowing what is going on is horrific. You know the staff are busy and it is more important they are free to care for patients rather than answer phone calls from worried relatives.

I would leave it until late afternoon or after dinner, they will need time for a Dr to come/tests to assess her. There is probably little they can tell you right now.

Have you and any other family agreed one point of contact for calling in for updates?

Try to keep busy and hope you get some news soon.

TatianaBis · 21/11/2020 14:14

If your mum has had a stroke it would be unlikely to be her. Strokes tend to incapacitate people. The symptoms are more weakness, loss of sensation, loss of function (in arm and/or leg say), loss of consciousness. Some people can have pain at the time of the stroke, but even if she had by the time she was in hospital it would likely have passed by then.

It may have been someone on her ward - someone who had been in an accident or with an acute illness resulting in sudden severe pain. But screaming and howling could also be from a mental health patient.

oakleaffy · 21/11/2020 14:16

@W2020
The poor Soul howling was more likely to be post surgery.
A lovely person I know was recovering from a major emergency op, and he thought ''/I wish that person screaming would shut up!''.....

Until he realised it was him screaming.

He was a ''Poor reactor'' to morphine and his epidural had failed.

It was sorted.

But possibly someone like that, bless them, than a Stroke.

Good luck for your Mum {and the Screamer's} recovery.

Swipe left for the next trending thread