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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To confuse thrush with an STD

29 replies

spidermomma · 20/11/2020 21:17

Ok so I may be soft here but really need advice

Last Christmas I found dh on social media (we don't have this never have) he came home drunk one day and I went to use his phone to ring one of the kids see what time they was back from their DM house. And it opened on a social media app, his name and messages and pictures of my kids and a message to a few girls. I was literally 3 weeks of giving birth and he said it was one of the older kids

I ain't stupid but I had to let it go I couldn't face the stress of it as I had way to much going on with my other dc been very ill. long story short I never got answers just got brushed under carpet an he swore black an blue nothing happened and I needed his support back then... but ok whatever

He's been very off, short and snappy with me recently and he's always "nipping" out a lot just not his usual self

His Apple Watch is always left on the computer desk unles he's going out running, he asked if he was able to disable messages and emails to it- he couldn't if he wanted keep his apps so he's now got it with him 24/7 ?
About 3 weeks ago I felt quite ill, had the worstttt stomach pains to the point I couldn't move or breath and iv been very very sore down bellow, it's been very smelly discharge, and very paint full when I wee, not itchy at all! Iv done a round of thrush cream and tablets and nothing (tried this hoping it was thrush) Iv had thrush loads when iv been pregnant -certainly not pregnant *
Iv never had anything sexually transmitted and iv been with him since I was 17, had all checks when I was pregnant and was all clear obviosuly!. I just wanted to know if anyone has had anything with similar symptoms, I havnt mentioned anything to him as it's not worth the headache I'd get. Iv ordered a testing kit to my mums so will be doing that as soon as possible and my results will go to my best friends phone so he won't know. She suggested I say I had a one night stand - here is his number contact him then see if he comes clean to me maybe? Just to watch him squirm I suppose and maybe me to get some answers I deserve instead of him been a shit bag getting away with murder as always.

I'm kind of hoping I have something so I know he's been doing the dirty and I can kick him out ? That would be my prof wouldn't it instead of me sat here thinking "is he"

Don't want nasty comments just some advice on it please x

OP posts:

Frappuccino2020 · 20/11/2020 21:18

Thrush isn’t a STD, however the GUM clinic I used to visit would test for it by default alongside the rest of the STD panel

Original poster

spidermomma · 20/11/2020 21:20

Yea iv ordered the test at home due to covid they send them out now. And std or sti. I'm not sure what is what ?

OP posts:

Frappuccino2020 · 20/11/2020 21:20

You don’t need a reason to leave/kick him out. You obviously don’t trust him? That’s reason enough

Original poster

spidermomma · 20/11/2020 21:21

@Frappuccino2020 sorry i read that wrong. I never said I thought thrush was and sti or std. I said may I be confusing the two as I'm not sure. It doesn't feel like thrush iv ever had before so could it be an std /sti

OP posts:

NeonIcedcoffee · 20/11/2020 21:22

I get thrush loads. Mainly because I get sinus infections a lot and need antibiotics which give me thrush. Anyway I know my thrush is what I'm saying. And this doesn't sound like thrush. Get checked op sorry.

AnyFucker · 20/11/2020 21:23

Let me get this right.

Your friend suggested that in order to catch him out you say you have had a one night stand ?

The mind boggles

Fittata · 20/11/2020 21:23

"And it opened on a social media app, his name and messages and pictures of my kids and a message to a few girls."

Sorry I'm not following your post. What do you mean by this? What were the messages?

speakout · 20/11/2020 21:24

I think you need to be tested by a health professional- a walk in STD clinic or a trip to your GP. Not sure how these services work at the moment- but they will because available in all areas.
I wouldn't trust a home test, even if accurate may only test for one or two infections- an NHS test will screen you for many different types.
Imperative that you get tested. THe abdominal pain is a result of inflammation, and STDs can cause damage to your pelvic organs.
Important to arrange a proper test at a clinic or GP surgery as soon as you can.

Original poster

spidermomma · 20/11/2020 21:30

Nhs website have sent me a test that I do at home and send back to them. They've rang and done a consultation over the phone to go through it with me

Best friend said I tell the nhs iv had a partner and give them his number if it came back I have something -I'd be anonymous- but he would be told someone he has been with has this infection and he needs to get treatment so he would have to come clean

The social media he was on, the messages delete instantly when you close the screen ? So I couldn't see anything

OP posts:

Original poster

spidermomma · 20/11/2020 21:31

@NeonIcedcoffee exactly iv had thrush loads and it's never felt like this, think I was hoping it'd be thrush. My mum suggested to get checked when I spoken to her about it

OP posts:

NeonIcedcoffee · 20/11/2020 22:00

Sorry love. But the symptoms coupled with his behaviour don't look good. Prioritise your health. Get it sorted then think about what you want to do regarding the relationship. It would be good evidence.

However I had a friend who got an sti from her long term boyfriend. He was adamant he hadn't cheated. She hadn't, she tells me everything and was devoted to him. So all I'm saying is some men can be in denial even when confronted with hard evidence.

You can end the relationship without needing evidence he's cheated though.

Original poster

spidermomma · 20/11/2020 22:04

@NeonIcedcoffee well I don't leave the house and if I do iv 3 youngsters in tow so I know Iv not been anywhere haha ! But I totally know what you mean. I hope he would be man enough to though. He did a few years ago when we was on a break he admitted he went with someone else... past is past though and we moved on and had children so I can't hold that against him and was thankful he was honest but I need the honesty now. Just I'd be stuck. The mortgage is in his name but I literallly pay every single bill on my own appart from his car and his insurance ? So would I be able kick him out or would I have to find some magic money and leave xx

OP posts:

Skysblue · 20/11/2020 22:06

The at home tests aren’t very reliable. See someone in person as soon as lockdown ends, if you can’t before.

Fyi you can send your period blood to be tested by specialist clinics in greece for “hidden chlamydia” and other stds - sounds mad I know, but the tests are very sensitive and reliable (recommended to me a by a top private consultant) and if you have something inside the womb that is no longer around the cervix, those tests will pick it up.

Good luck.

Original poster

spidermomma · 20/11/2020 22:10

@Skysblue wow really ? That's quite scary to think too. I come on in 2 weeks time religiously so il be gettin that arranged tomorrow
Thank you for that x

OP posts:

Newuser991 · 20/11/2020 22:13

You know why not contact your GP.

Describe your symptoms? They will be able to hopefully order tests quicker as those postal kits take a while and you will be in pain all this time.

Going to your GP isn't dodgy and he won't find out the results.

GwendolineMarysLaces · 20/11/2020 22:15

Hi OP, since you have overt symptoms, I shouldn't think you'll need any specialist testing, the NHS test should work fine. Good luck with it all

Frappuccino2020 · 20/11/2020 22:19

I see what you’re saying now, but your posts are incredibly unclear.

You want to get an STI test

If positive, the NHS will ask for contact details of recent sexual partners to inform them to get tested

You want to give his number to them so he will be alerted by text

As the text wouldn’t state who tested positive, you’re hoping he will think it’s an affair partner and come clean to you so you can get tested

mouldygrapes · 20/11/2020 22:23

@Skysblue

The at home tests aren’t very reliable. See someone in person as soon as lockdown ends, if you can’t before.

Good luck.

Sorry, but as someone who works in sexual health I can confirm this is absolutely not true. The at home tests use the same technology that the tests done by NHS clinics use - they are highly sensitive and specific. Studies have shown that self-taken swabs detect more chlamydia than those taken during a speculum examination. Of course clinics can do additional tests (microscopy for thrush, BV and TV, and more specialised STI tests) but the at home tests will cover the most common ones and were an absolute godsend over the worst of the lockdown when our staff were redeployed as at least people could still get tested.

I have never heard of “hidden chlamydia” being tested from menstrual blood, very sceptical of this

Original poster

spidermomma · 21/11/2020 15:21

Well somehow he got tonsillitis and now I have it extreemly bad. He asked if it was herpies ????? If I'm right that's cold sores. Doctors said it's a bad case of tonsillitis so I'm on the sofa I'm in such a bad way so run down. Test will be sent Monday in regards to sexual health. It is an nhs one from my local clinic. They sent it out xx

OP posts:

ScotchBunnet · 21/11/2020 15:31

Surely the obvious course here is you have an STD check (STDs and STIs are the same thing) at a proper GUM clinic and if it comes back that you have something you know for sure he has cheated, you tell him he is infected and you kick him out? Why would you waste your time with lies about one night stands etc?

Winterwoollies · 21/11/2020 15:49

He’s clearly cheating on you. And a lot. There’s a good chance the dirty fucker has infected you with an STI that could seriously risk your health and your fertility.

And yet you don’t think it’s worth the headache to confront him?!

Anyway, sod confronting him, kick the nasty twat out of your house.

And whatever you do, don’t do what your friend suggested. That is ridiculous.

Original poster

spidermomma · 21/11/2020 16:18

@ScotchBunnet @Winterwoollies
It's an nhs test they've sent to me due to covid so I can still do it so no difference then going in really. But can I kick him out ? It's his mortgage but I pay literally everything he pays for his car and insurance but I pay gas electric. Council tax, sky, mortgage, food, the sofa on finance ?
He really is guilty as sin it's just to obvious lately and I'm beyond run down an he isn't helping me so iv had to come my parents house ! X

OP posts:

LemonPeonies · 21/11/2020 16:19

Yeah you need a full STI test, sorry OP. I had this years ago with an ex who gave me genital warts it was vile.

Original poster

spidermomma · 21/11/2020 16:36

@LemonPeonies oh wow I hope your okay. Their horrid aren't they!!! Xx

OP posts:

LemonPeonies · 21/11/2020 20:02

Yes thank you! This was 8 years ago or more and I only had them come back once or twice after the initial outbreak which was horrendous. I hope you get sorted and treated asap. And get yourself a better 🍆! 😂 x

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