To feel so burnt out..

[Its2021]

I’m in a Senior Corporate role. 90k salary. Good company. But just feel like my life is being taken over by work, 12+ hour days, 6 day weeks (if I’m lucky). Feel completely burned out and trapped. Drinking way too much and relationships massively suffering we just too tired to be truly present.

Looking this evening at any way to make a change, no idea where to start! I don’t need to continue earning lots but want to make enough to support our family and have a decent pension. Anyone else made the change? Where do you even start?

Can you talk to your manager? You say it's a 'good company' but no good company can reasonably expect you to work those sort of hours. Are you being expected to work those hours or do you just struggle to stop and switch off?

Tough, isn’t it?
Before you quit, check whether

• you could afford / live without the luxuries
• you can actually slow down and do a slow(er) pacing job

If the answer is No to one or both then you may need to look into alternate options for better coping mechanism.

I am not being sarcastic, just been there, done that...and was back in the rat race within a year. Missed the Adrenalin, power, buzz, pressure...

It’s a big bank, so the benefits are good, hence good company, but the expectations also really high. Manager (board level) is a good person but he works the same hours if not more. Emails at 6am and 11pm coming from him so not his fault per se, just crazy expectations of workload

Thank you @letmethinkaboutitfornow good advice and one to think about for sure xx

I’m off work currently with burnout.
It’s floored me I’m not going to lie.

I needed to stop the work noise in my head, I actually just came to a standstill one night.
Just could not go on.

I started to see a therapist after being referred by my manager.
It was her that told me I had burnout.

Anyway, I applied and got a new job, I’m on a fraction of the salary that you are on, but was working 60 hours a week, still wasn’t enough, every waking hour I was thinking about or doing something to do with work.
Wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating properly, it had to come to an end and it did.

In a better place now thank Christ.
I’m doing the same job in a different, much less stressful environment. Better, much better.

In that case, you need to do your sums and work out what salary you can actually live on (as realistically you will have to take a wage cut). And then I'd start looking for suitable vacancies.

Actually burst in to tears reading this. Which kind of feels pathetic but it’s nice to hear that others have made that change. Thank you for your comments.

Sounds like it might be worth getting some career coaching.
Does your company offer that?
If not, invest in some yourself.

I'm with KitKat 1985.

Do your sums. To some extent in life you can buy happiness, and sometimes that's your time and relationships as consequence of work life balance. You get one life. Don't spend it all working. It's not worth it unless it's for basic needs.
You must have a great education talent and skill set at that salary. Know your worth carve out the life that works for you (,your current one evidently isn't it).
But equally, know yourself. Heed letmethinkaboutitnow. Good points there.

For me, I could never be a SAHM. It frustrates me, I can't find satisfaction, o enjoy other challenges and end up distracting myself with my phone or an online course or setting up a Mums group or myriad displacement activities. I do much better working, though I do work part time. I have taken a long time to come to terms with the curtailment this will have on my ambitions. Like literally 6 years to come to terms with this. But although I occasionally feel the tug of ambition, I definitely feel part time at my current level is an excellent balance and allows me to be the parent I want to be, and have the relationships I want to with my kids. And I am finding creative ways to achieve other ambitious that would otherwise perhaps have fallen by the wayside.

Btw, even on a significantly smaller salary I am already worried about hitting lifetime pension limits in the long run (largely through earlier life choices and now automatic contributions, but my point is it's surprisingly easily done). Admittedly life could be a little more financial comfortable but we definitely have more than most and will improve dramatically once we pop into rising 3 childcare cost reductions. You can, just like most of the country, support your family just fine on a much reduced income from your current position. If you believe anything else you are buying into a keeping up with the Jones mentality, which is driving poor choices given how you are feeling. Some excessive material wealth and associated choices with diminishing returns are a dangerous game with huge non-material costs. Open your eyes, think about your values and make informed, considered choices about the life you want. You only get one. There are lots of possible choices, and no clear and absolute rights or wrongs. There is a wide range of acceptable, and it's about what suits you, the life you and your gut feelings want you to lead.

Good luck in sitting with it all and finding your way through it.

God horrific punctuation. I have neuropathy from cancer treatment and its definitely affecting my keyboard skills 😂

Be kind to yourself.
There is nothing wrong with going for a less stressful job. A job that pays the bill's but allows you to have a life.
Prioritise your diet ( cook meals from scratch) , exercise (even a simple walk in nature), drink lots of water, focus on getting quality sleep. Most importantly appreciate your friends and family. Have a meal, a chat or a joke regularly. Laugh and smile.
Life is too short.

Does it have to be all or nothing? Could you try a radical Flexible Working request - possibly go to 3 days per week / 60% of the role? I'm guessing it'd go down poorly however you could make an argument about being a visible role model for senior level support for diverse ways of working. Even if its culturally bullshit, you might hit lucky if they're under pressure from their gender gap reporting/ other CSR pressures.

I hear ya....but currently need still need to work...
What about a life coach?
Good luck op!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/going_back_to_work/3825984-I-m-a-career-coach-for-women-changing-direction-AMA
Well worth a look....

I find that those who go for reduced hours in the same organisation still end up doing silly hours.

It is best to start a fresh in different organisation with less responsibilities and be clear from the onset how many hours you will commit.

Don’t expect a silver bullet overnight. I’ve made very gradual changes over the last eight months - giving up alcohol (definitely helps you cope better), exercising, making time for my family, being firm about times when I won’t be working. I run my own company now, so still work too much, but it’s my own decision and I manage that around family life. I’ve still ended up a bit stressed and snappy this week because of a big deadline, but next week is calmer so I’ll get some balance back.

Op has workload increased because of covid?

YABU - go thinking complete strangers on the internet have a better idea of how you’re feeling than you do xx

I am in exactly the same place. Recently promoted, big salary. Started this morning at 5am, was still going at 7pm and i have had a number fo calls.

Every day is the same, wake early worrying about work, go into the little home office have end time end soon calls, panicked deadlines, miss emails, can’t keep up, work until late, repeat.

Don’t get weekends, but try to take Saturday.

I can’t imagine living like this for the next twenty Years.

I am trying not to adjust my lifestyle to the money, so I can look for a less pressured job if needs be.

I don’t know how people love like this.

You are burnt out, it's really common & no need to feel
guilty. I agree with @letmethinkaboutitfornow you need to have a think & weigh everything up.
I know a few people who changed directions after they made their money so to speak.

I have found exercise and yoga/pilates helps. Running was my lifeline.

I was similar, high salary, senior management position but in a different industry to you. I burnt out. It was a gradual decline that I didn't recognise at the time over the course of probably two years.

It escalated to me bawling crying whilst driving the car to work on the motorway and then having my first ever panic attack in the office carpark. I was in a fortunate position that voluntary redundancy was an option that came up in my company shortly afterwards (not UK based). It gave me the opportunity to take some time off. I find it difficult to explain but I did not feel myself for a year afterwards.

Look after yourself, take time for you. It's so important x

I’m there. Considering moving job just in the hope of 3 months garden leave to recover. It feels utterly relentless. I dream work! I’m also looking at other options... housekeeper a couple of mornings a week, dropping my hours, etc.. not worked a final plan yet but I do know I can’t do this at this rate for the next 20 years or I’ll melt. Something has to give somewhere.

If I had continued with my chosen career I'd be on 80k now but it was just too much & it was non stop. I moved industries & earn around half that if f/t (I'm not).

I really relate to what @Starface posted, I'm a more engaged mum if I also work. Often I see jobs that I could apply for & really get my teeth into & feel a bit down however part time just works so I need to stick with that for the moment.

@Its2021 all I want to say is... I can hear you.
Your tired, your exhausted and you feel burnt out.
I am not going to give you any advice there lots of good advice here and you will probably make some better choices especially now you've shared it here.
I seen you title and it resonated with me
Love and hugs

The step down fascinates me. How do people take such a significant cut in salary?

I assume it’s easier if you are in a couple?

I would also have to move to a completely different workplace, stepping down is not done and the rumours would destroy me.