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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel so burnt out..

36 replies

Its2021 · 20/11/2020 21:15

I’m in a Senior Corporate role. 90k salary. Good company. But just feel like my life is being taken over by work, 12+ hour days, 6 day weeks (if I’m lucky). Feel completely burned out and trapped. Drinking way too much and relationships massively suffering we just too tired to be truly present.

Looking this evening at any way to make a change, no idea where to start! I don’t need to continue earning lots but want to make enough to support our family and have a decent pension. Anyone else made the change? Where do you even start?

OP posts:
laxxy · 20/11/2020 23:28

I'm married & DH earns well

Zhx3 · 20/11/2020 23:33

Does your company have an employee assistance programme?

I felt the same way as you and after speaking to EAP, was referred for a 6 week course of counselling. It really helped to clear the fog in my head, but did result in me handing in my notice.

ouchmyfeet · 20/11/2020 23:37

OP have you thought about the civil service? I moved to it from one of the big 4 professional service firms as I just couldn't sustain the hours any more. It was a pay cut but I still earn a decent amount (65k), have a better pension, more annual leave, and while there are busy times I generally work my 37 hour week and no more than that. It's a definite change of pace, I miss working with super smart people, but deadlines are generally moveable and the pressure is minimal. Overall it has been a brilliant move for me.

The commercial function might have jobs that you're equipped for with a banking background

www.govcommercialcareers.co.uk/current-vacancies/

Starface · 21/11/2020 01:54

@Ideasplease322

I'm not sure who you are asking about the stepping down. Do you mean how it looks in the workplace or how it works financially? Either is going to look very different for different people in different workplace and personal and financial contexts.

Workplaces vary so much. Many don't work like a ladder past a certain point, and if you get creative you can go sideways into other opportunities to create a life that suits you. Over the course of your career it may be more portfolio. People do this all the time, forced by circumstances, including children, health, other caring responsibilities. It does not have to be dissatisfying, in fact it can be overall more satisfying to honour all parts of yourself if you feel that is compromised by imbalance for you. You can step back up later. Someone I know, who left the London City for rural NI, but maintained a portfolio career, is now on the board at Lloyd's. She balanced her career across her life, and is grateful she and her children got to spend a lot of precious time with her mother before her mothers sudden death. As a family, they are amongst the soundest and most well balanced I know. Not perfect (who is) but overall good choices imo. I rate and respect their life advice.

In financial terms, people make changes and cope with different financial levels all the time. This year will be a case in point for many many people in terms of income instability and fluctuations. Divorce often precipitates big financial changes, and people get on with that. Some people do manage to largely avoid lifestyle creep, and don't load themselves with financial responsibility. Or are prepared to cut their cloth if they decide to. Others never got past the childcare cost and can balance by losing it and other changes. Others, dare I say it, actively plan for this scenario and have a strategy to earn lots early then gear shift later when particular financial goals are met. Development of passive income.
Some have independent wealth. Some get unexpected inheritance. Some have wealthy partners. There are so many possible answers here. Not everyone is constantly seeking more more more material wealth. Some are fortunate enough to have "enough" (and again this is personal, people are genuinely satisfied with different levels past a basic level of comfy, and then start valuing other life rewards like time much more highly than greater remuneration). It is so personal, this is really too non-specific a question to answer well.

And of course personal context is vital. Do you have a partner? Do they earn highly or want to be a SAHD, or go more part time/flexi themselves? Do you have a highly involved grandparent? Do you have a secret yearning to live in another cheaper country? And of course opportunities to move vary hugely by sector.

I guess I would probably overall not frame it as a "step down" as i think that is unhelpful. Better to see it as a "step into" a different way of living, and embracing that period of your life. I think rigid hierarchies and career structures are probably a bit passe now, with such long working lives. The period of early childhood when you have a family, and the slow transition into retirement (I don't see that as reaching a peak then hitting a cliff edge retirement, this can be a really challenging picture to embrace). Many very demanding jobs are unsustainable long term.

Cheesypea · 21/11/2020 02:12

Sounds hard to sustain op. You acknowledged that your drinking too much. It a cliche but acknowledging their is a problem is the first step towards change x

Guineapigbridge · 21/11/2020 07:51

@Starface brilliant advice

Its2021 · 24/11/2020 22:04

Hello all,

I just wanted to update and say thank you all of your kind support, it has been massively helpful.

Thank you again. I’ve had a chat to my manager as this week it all came to a head. He asked me if he could nominate me as his succession to board, and whilst I know this is a massive compliment I had to say ‘no’ and explain to him why. Life is too short and we are now looking at how I stay on in the business with a less senior role.

I really appreciate all of your help and you have given me a lot of confidence to speak up. Thank you Star

OP posts:
Ilovesugar · 24/11/2020 22:13

I feel for you, I’m doing slightly less hours but salary isn’t anywhere as big and I feel so stressed. I keep thinking of a career change too. I would love medicine (nurse maybe) or teacher.

Glitteryone · 24/11/2020 22:20

Same story as you only I earn less than £30k! I do almost double my hours every week. I don’t have time to breathe or live at all.

It’s tough. I can only dream of £90k.

PicklePorkPie · 24/11/2020 22:22

Sounds like great news for you OP.
Life is short and personal life is very important as is being present for your DC. How much you're around when they're little has a huge impact on your relationship when they're teens.

Wandafishcake · 24/11/2020 22:28

Well done OP great outcome! 👍

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