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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fall out

38 replies

Cookiesandscones · 20/11/2020 11:04

NC because other posts could be outing

This is a long story and I will apologise now.

A while back there was a group of 5 of us as friends 2 moved away and then there was 3 of us we will call the 2 people I am referring to as Marie and ava.

We all got on so well and had lunches out and days out all pre covid was 2019 then Marie and ava fell out a big fall out, which then put me in the middle. I told them both from the start I would not take sides and if 1 invited me somewhere and I made plans I would not cancel them because the other did not like it or the other say tried to make me a better offer in term of plans. I tried to keep it as fair as possible.
Marie grew a strong hatred for ava and even when ava tried to get back in to Marie's good books she was adamant she didn't want anything more to do with her. This was because once they fell out things started to surface that ava had said about Marie or lied about and Marie couldn't forgive that. Which is her choice and I wasn't about to play mediator for the 2 of them and get dragged into something that didn't directly concern me. A couple of month after Marie and ava fell out, Marie had a garden party for her family members birthday which I was invited to, ava got wind of this and then asked me to do something with her that same day, I declined and said I had already been invited to Marie's and accepted so would be wrong of me to either tell Marie that I was now doing something with ava instead or to be devious and do something with ava and not tell Marie the truth and make an excuse as to why I was not attending anymore (the latter is what ava suggested I do).
This caused a huge fall out between me and ava because she said she had known me longer so favour her over Marie and it was unfair she was being left out, I explained that her and Marie had fell out so that's why the invitation was not extended to her and that I had told her right at the very start I would not cancel plans with one or the other just because that's what they wanted, Marie always respected this she may not have liked it when I was with ava but she never voiced it but ava always thought she had more priority because she had known me longer.
Fast forward a couple of months ever since the fall out avas family stopped speaking to me in the street if I said hello they would ignore me and walk past but they would still talk to Marie.
I asked ava even though we were fallen out at this point why this was and she said because it was all my fault that I should of favoured her and that I was the only friend she had at the time and I had caused all of this. I asked how I caused all of this because when ava and Marie fell out I wasn't even in the country I was on holiday with my family but she could not answer me. They fell out over avas kids bullying one of Marie's kids and after repeatedly telling ava Marie blew up. So again this didn't directly involve me but she still blames me.

I have had another person ava now speaks to come to me today and tell me that ava tells everyone that I am the bad one and Marie isn't because I cancelled plans with ava to go to Marie's which isn't the truth and I still have the text messages to prove it which I did show the person asking.

AIBU to go and call ava out on this?? It was a year ago and I feel she still shouldn't be dwelling on something I never done I think it's got to me because she is telling people lies about me and tell me if I am very wrong but I actually fail to see what I did do wrong, I am happy for it to be pointed out if anyone can see what I did wrong.

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this

OP posts:
BrumBoo · 20/11/2020 11:08

You all sound like teenagers to be honest.

Ilovesugar · 20/11/2020 11:11

This sounds pathetic! I wouldn’t even bother. You maybe need to find better friends who aren’t 12

Lipz · 20/11/2020 11:11

It is all childish behaviour, when grown ass adults start behaving like this I cut them off and get on with my life.

NearlyCrackers · 20/11/2020 11:13

I wouldn't bother. Ava doesn't sound like a friend I'd like to have!

PaperTowels · 20/11/2020 11:16

Are you all 5?!

Leave it. Don't add to Ava's drama.

Cookiesandscones · 20/11/2020 11:16

Oh she isn't my friend anymore we haven't spoken for over a year now and I haven't spoken to anyone about her nor concerned myself with her life it wasn't until someone actually came to me today and said something that I even thought about it again

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 20/11/2020 11:17

Leave it.
If people come to you and bring it up just tell the truth- “No, that’s not true. Marie invited me first. I’m not getting involved any arguments.”

Leave Ava to throw her paddy, sounds like Marie is being the only grown up here.

PlanDeRaccordement · 20/11/2020 11:21

Ava sounds like a troublemaker to me. Falling out with Marie. Lying about Marie. Now she’s falling out with you and lying about you. Don’t confront her on her lies because she’s done it for the attention. She feeds off the drama. She’ll be on to a new target if you just leave it alone and write her off as a friend.

Zzzexhaustedzzz · 20/11/2020 11:23

Maybe choose friends more carefully in future?
You really do sound like a bunch of kids.
And don’t concern yourself with what others make of it, not at all.

930onaTuesdayNight · 20/11/2020 11:29

I am not trying to insult you (really) but I have to say your post is unreadable. You need to use proper sentences with full stops and other punctuation if you want to be understood. Try reading your post out loud the way it is written and you will see what I mean. These days so much gets done over text and email that effective written communication is a critical for most types of career advancement and social communication. And certainly for getting people to read your post and give you proper advice. Good luck.

Cookiesandscones · 20/11/2020 11:33

Me and Marie have stayed good friends and the whole drama that happened over a year ago does not get mentioned which is they way it should be.

Regarding comment of choosing better friends it's not like I or anyone I would assume sets out to find friends like that in all fairness most people don't know people as well as the like to think until something blows up in their face really, I suppose the only red flag I should of took notice of was the amount of people avan used to fall out with and how she ended up with a big circle of friends to none of them really speaking to her but I felt she was always honest and upfront as to why that was and I honestly believed she was a genuine person.

Like I have said I am not actually friends with her and haven't been for over year I just got so mad at the fact I was told she was lying about it and maybe I should of just shrugged it off and let them believe what ava was saying these people make no difference in my life I just happen to know them to speak to now and again.

You are all right it's very childish I think I just needed a place to vent other than actually calling ava out on her lies and being dragged back into that situation when it was realistically over a year ago

Thanks for your replies

OP posts:
PaperTowels · 20/11/2020 11:34

Well that's good if venting on here stops you getting re-involved!

Cookiesandscones · 20/11/2020 11:36

@930onatuesdaynight

Thank you for the advice I apologise for they way I have wrote it, I didn't do to well in school regarding English and was terrible at punctuation and sentences. So I know Its hard to read I just hoped people might get my meaning

OP posts:
switswooo · 20/11/2020 11:38

@930onaTuesdayNight

I am not trying to insult you (really) but I have to say your post is unreadable. You need to use proper sentences with full stops and other punctuation if you want to be understood. Try reading your post out loud the way it is written and you will see what I mean. These days so much gets done over text and email that effective written communication is a critical for most types of career advancement and social communication. And certainly for getting people to read your post and give you proper advice. Good luck.
ODFOD. The OP is perfectly understandable, you need to work on your comprehension skills.
JillofTrades · 20/11/2020 11:41

I think the common problem person here is Ava. Besides I wouldn't have anything to do with a person who deals with bullies the way she does. Her kids have picked up their horrid ways it seems from here. You are well rid off her.

switswooo · 20/11/2020 11:41

OP, I'm really sorry you've had twatty responses.

You've done nothing wrong and I'm glad you're no longer friends with Ava and still have friends with Marie.

You did the right thing not favouring Ava over Marie. It sounds like Ava would have ditched you and tried to become friends with Marie, so you would have lost Marie's friendship.

I'm not surprised Ava's child was bullying Marie's, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

switswooo · 20/11/2020 11:42

Thank you for the advice I apologise for they way I have wrote it, I didn't do to well in school regarding English and was terrible at punctuation and sentences. So I know Its hard to read I just hoped people might get my meaning

OP, you have nothing to apologise for, @930onaTuesdayNight should be apologising to you.

BrumBoo · 20/11/2020 11:53

@930onaTuesdayNight

I am not trying to insult you (really) but I have to say your post is unreadable. You need to use proper sentences with full stops and other punctuation if you want to be understood. Try reading your post out loud the way it is written and you will see what I mean. These days so much gets done over text and email that effective written communication is a critical for most types of career advancement and social communication. And certainly for getting people to read your post and give you proper advice. Good luck.
Did you read your post out loud to hear what a sanctimonious knob you are?
Gatehouse77 · 20/11/2020 11:53

I wouldn't bother doing anything.

Those people that know you and are true friends either know the truth about the sequence of events and won't be affected or they believe the lies in which case they're not your friends.

Personally, I can't get hung about what other people think of me when I know the truth and those people that are important to me and who's opinions I value do too.

SpaceOp · 20/11/2020 11:55

@930onaTuesdayNight if you don't understand it, then just move on.

OP - Ava is clearly a crazy person so you and Marie are both better off without her.

switswooo · 20/11/2020 11:55

Did you read your post out loud to hear what a sanctimonious knob you are?

Your post was very unhelpul too, BrumBoo

maras2 · 20/11/2020 11:56

930ona
That was very condescending and unnecessary.
OP's post was quite easy to understand.
How rude Angry

PabloHoneyBee · 20/11/2020 12:02

I don't understand the nasty responses on here. Maybe people have forgotten what it's like to be dragged into other people's petty squabbles and then being scapegoated.

FWIW, I had this happen to me a while ago. My brother's exw blamed me for all the stuff that went wrong with their marriage, which is pretty laughable, seeing as I live in another country and barely see any of them. We had always been friendly, but she obviously saw a target, realised she didn't want to take out her anger on the actual problem (my brother) and launched a campaign against me, even roping in members of my own family, while being super nice to my broConfused. I now don't speak to those family members who took her side - ridiculous seeing as there was no side! I'd been nothing but polite to her throughout our relationship. I didn't do anything to her at all other than happen to be related to her now exh. Anyway, yanbu. This sort of thing happens all the time and it stinks. It especially stinks when people know you did nothing wrong but side with the 'injured' party anyway. In the case I've just mentioned, I expect it was because exsil came from a well known family in my home city and some sad bastards in my extended family value that sort of thing above all else. Thank fuck I live nowhere near them. If they ever attempt to make contact with me I am frosty as fuck. Life is too short for arseholes who let themselves get dragged into other people's dramas and then knowingly follow their lead into scapegoating an innocent bystander. Shame on them.

BrumBoo · 20/11/2020 12:13

@switswooo

Did you read your post out loud to hear what a sanctimonious knob you are?

Your post was very unhelpul too, BrumBoo

Possibly but I responded how I read the op, not as how they wrote it. Obviously 'Ava' is very childish, but wanting to 'call someone out' on their behaviour a year later isn't mature either. The OP also said that 'Maria' and 'Ava' put her 'in the middle' after their falling out. So no one is coming off well here, regardless of who the 'main instigator' is.
Cookiesandscones · 20/11/2020 12:26

Thank you everyone

@pablohoneybee that's such a horrible place to be in especially considering it was your family.

Ava after having the fallout went back to "friends" who she claimed numerous times she hated and moaned about alot how they used to be full of drama and loved to feed off it, I didn't know them personally so didn't comment or get myself concerned in their business but once that happened it all made sense that a friendship to Ava is drama filled and if it isn't full of drama she isn't happy.

OP posts: