Fall out

[Cookiesandscones]

NC because other posts could be outing

This is a long story and I will apologise now.

A while back there was a group of 5 of us as friends 2 moved away and then there was 3 of us we will call the 2 people I am referring to as Marie and ava.

We all got on so well and had lunches out and days out all pre covid was 2019 then Marie and ava fell out a big fall out, which then put me in the middle. I told them both from the start I would not take sides and if 1 invited me somewhere and I made plans I would not cancel them because the other did not like it or the other say tried to make me a better offer in term of plans. I tried to keep it as fair as possible.
Marie grew a strong hatred for ava and even when ava tried to get back in to Marie's good books she was adamant she didn't want anything more to do with her. This was because once they fell out things started to surface that ava had said about Marie or lied about and Marie couldn't forgive that. Which is her choice and I wasn't about to play mediator for the 2 of them and get dragged into something that didn't directly concern me. A couple of month after Marie and ava fell out, Marie had a garden party for her family members birthday which I was invited to, ava got wind of this and then asked me to do something with her that same day, I declined and said I had already been invited to Marie's and accepted so would be wrong of me to either tell Marie that I was now doing something with ava instead or to be devious and do something with ava and not tell Marie the truth and make an excuse as to why I was not attending anymore (the latter is what ava suggested I do).
This caused a huge fall out between me and ava because she said she had known me longer so favour her over Marie and it was unfair she was being left out, I explained that her and Marie had fell out so that's why the invitation was not extended to her and that I had told her right at the very start I would not cancel plans with one or the other just because that's what they wanted, Marie always respected this she may not have liked it when I was with ava but she never voiced it but ava always thought she had more priority because she had known me longer.
Fast forward a couple of months ever since the fall out avas family stopped speaking to me in the street if I said hello they would ignore me and walk past but they would still talk to Marie.
I asked ava even though we were fallen out at this point why this was and she said because it was all my fault that I should of favoured her and that I was the only friend she had at the time and I had caused all of this. I asked how I caused all of this because when ava and Marie fell out I wasn't even in the country I was on holiday with my family but she could not answer me. They fell out over avas kids bullying one of Marie's kids and after repeatedly telling ava Marie blew up. So again this didn't directly involve me but she still blames me.

I have had another person ava now speaks to come to me today and tell me that ava tells everyone that I am the bad one and Marie isn't because I cancelled plans with ava to go to Marie's which isn't the truth and I still have the text messages to prove it which I did show the person asking.

AIBU to go and call ava out on this?? It was a year ago and I feel she still shouldn't be dwelling on something I never done I think it's got to me because she is telling people lies about me and tell me if I am very wrong but I actually fail to see what I did do wrong, I am happy for it to be pointed out if anyone can see what I did wrong.

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this

Yes, I've looked back on interactions with exsil now and realised she has a massive dose of victim mentality. The number of times I listened to how wronged she has been in life! Now thinking, how many of those incidents were down to you whipping people into a frenzy? Glad I live so far from her now. Toxic individual.

It sucks, but you have to just keep your chin up and weather the storm. If people don't cotton on to what she is doing now, they will probably fall victim to her later, so at least you now know who she is and know to steer well clear.

Sorry you're going through this though. It was actually quite a stressful period of time for me. You wouldn't think it would be, but it was! Being made out to be a bad guy when you've done nothing but try to stay out of it, is horrible. If you tried so hard to stay out of it, I imagine it's because, like me, you don't love the drama! Sucks when you end up being the victim of it, precisely because you try to avoid it.

I voted YABU because I don’t know how you have the energy it’s pathetic.

Your post is perfectly readable, please don't feel you have to apologise to people who only comment to make you feel a little bit worse about yourself.

I think any time someone mentioned Ava or this whole thing to me I would do the rolling eyes "god, is she still making up rubbish? How weird" thing and refuse to discuss it any further. Make sure everyone who raised it with me got the impression I really did not give a shit and found it all a bit beneath my attention. Ava sounds batshit, leave her to her dramas.

When the person raised it with me this morning i was secretly mad I didn't let this person know that I was mad

When they said what she had been saying I laughed pulled out my phone and let them read the messages from that incident and said now you see why I have nothing to do with her anymore if that is what she is telling people because it's all there in black and white that she is spouting lies then changed the conversation and went about my business but I honestly was secretly seething that this was still being brought up to this day and probably the majority if not all of it was lies

Then after venting in here I remembered I didn't actually care if people want to believe that crap it's people who don't know me and most of you made me realise that

Yes we probably do sound like teenagers but some people are full of drama into their adult life and people can easily get sucked into it, I am glad some of you don't have friends like that because it is honestly stressful when the drama keeps popping up a year after it all ended.

You didn't do anything wrong.

You are better off out of it and without Ava.

Ava is not worth your time. She sounds like she has mentally never really matured beyond the entitled teenager stage.

If people tell you what Ava has been saying about you and it is false, correct them by showing them the evidence. They can then do with that information whatever they want.

It also sounds like Maria had a good reason to fall out with Ava. She's clearly happy to bully people herself and her children are doing the same now.

Nobody should entertain that sort of playground drama in their lives.

I used to have an ‘Ava’ and I walked away from that friendship 15 years ago. I get it OP and I get that it might bother you that she is telling lies about you but honestly, just take the high ground. Don’t try and prove yourself to anyone.

I fell out with my ‘Ava’ over something that someone went to prison for - it was very serious and I was the victim. Even so, ‘Ava’ went around telling people how wronged she was in it all and I was the bad guy. I NEVER, in 15 years have justified myself to anyone who has been told ‘Ava’s’ version of events or even corrected them if asked about it.

If these drama vampires want to feed off of other people’s lives they can go and find something else to froth about.

You don’t need them to like or believe you. Your true friends and family will know the truth and to be frank, it’s really not a big deal at this point even if you did choose Marie over Ava as you and Ava are no longer friends. Who cares??

@switswooo
Jesus! You're a bit big for your boots, policing everyone on the thread arent you?

I'd tell her never to speak to me again and then block her on everything. If anyone else is an arse with you over the lies send them the messages as evidence. Don't entertain Ava again - her kids a bully because she is a bully. She sounds like she's 15.

I found the post very easy to read... think the PP needs to learn some better comprehension skills.

[quote GoldfishParade]@switswooo
Jesus! You're a bit big for your boots, policing everyone on the thread arent you?[/quote]
That was not a very helpful post.

You can’t be adults? Just grow up! Stop abs mounting each other, this is all a non issue. You should all be embarrassed.

@GoldfishParade

Like I give a shit what you think! Why don't you complain to the other people who also also told off the SPAG pedant?