To sometimes want my Dh to ask if I need any cash?

[mrsmerton]

Yes, I know he pays the mortgage, and the bills.

I do my bit, scrimping where necesssary. I do not expect wads of cash to be flung in my direction. We don't have it anyway.

But never, NOT ONCE in the whole 20 years we have been together, has he ever said" Do you need any cash?" to take kids out, get a takeaway instead of cooking, buy presents for family. The nature of my job means I don't get paid during the 6 week summer break. So am broke. Don't feel I can ask, although he says he would always give if I did. I JUST WANT HIM TO ASK ME!!!! Rant over.

You need a joint bank account surely?

YABU, but then I'm not sure that I understand married couples who don't have joint bank accounts anyway. Just go to the cashpoint and withdraw.

you shouldn't have to ask you should just be able to take.

um...joint account...??
If not comfortable with totally joint finance then an additional accountw hich is jointinto which he can put a bit of his wages each month to set aside for family costs rather than household stuff iykwim.

The idea of having to ask for money in this way makes me very uncomfortable.
You are a partnership...

How about you ask him to pay the housekeeping budget into a separate account you can both draw on as and when you need it?

We do have a credit card that we both use, but have separate bank accounts.

He likes to know exactly whats coming in and out, writes it in little book, and I don't think he would trust me not to spend and not write it in!

I'm realising our attitude to money is screwed. We do not have any leftover money when the bills etc have been paid.

I pay my own way, basically. Just want to feel a bit more 'looked after'. Does that sound crap?

What does everyone else do?

Stick it all on the credit card and let him sort it out then!

YANBU at all, but agree with the other posters. Get at least an ATM card on the account so that you can pull money when you need it. What would you do if there were a genuine emergency and you had no money? e.g. car break down, urgent need for medicine, a locksmith if you lock yourself out... see what I mean? My Mum taught me one lesson that I have retained NEVER be without ready money or at least a cheque book.

Thanks, that makes sense. But I am always aware that I MUSN'T spend, as we really do not have any spare money at the end of the month.

My dh has a pathological fear of being overdrawn. I say nows the time to be overdrawn, 3 kids, mortgage etc etc.

No one gives you a medal for always being in the black!

"writes it in a little book"??? Sounds like Dhs grandparents! His Gran had to argue for weeks to get his Grandpa to increase the ammount of 'coal allowance" she was given to heat the house!

We have joint account. What we both earn goes in there and we can both take it out, no questions asked ( unless one of use clears it out...obviously ). There have been times when I have been sole earner and I never begrudged DH a single penny because I saw it as "our" money, not mine. Likewise when I was on mat leave and my income was halved (or worse) DH didn't issue instructions that I could only access half as much as I used to...

Tell him to get his finger out, to trust you to write inhis little book...maybe go for a trial of a couple of months so he learn sto trust you.
Also...no need for a little book anyway...you can get an instant statement from most cash machines which lists all outgoings and incomings for last few days...

If you go overdrawn within an agreed overdraft limit that is "ok". If it is an unagreed overdraft then he is right to worry.

Can't believe he trusts you with a credit card but not a joint account! Crazy logic! Credit cards are far more 'dangerous' imo!

Thats a very commendable quality.

Too many people have got themselves into serious debt by frivolous spending.

I doubt that after 20 years of having been accustomed to your way of life you will suddenly go mad with a credit card.

Get yourself a joint bank account and a card you can withdraw cash with. Its essential, and you deserve it.

(I'm married to an accountant so I know where you are coming from LOL)

Mrs Merton - YANBU at all.

I have a card to our current account and take what I need for the household (including takeaways etc, small presents and books, clothes for the children).

If I want to spend money on myself or on larger household purchases I talk to my partner about that first. As does he.

You need to sit down and discuss who does what and who pays for what and when. You should not have to spend part of the year skint.

I know, the little book thing makes me laugh, and get mad, in equal measure. He will not even entertain the idea of going overdrawn, not one penny. I am overdrawn most of the time, and it doesn't bother me.

I really cannot imagine us pooling our incomes. It would be like he was losing control. He is not mean, I don't want to paint a Scrooge picture of him. He's just not that forthcoming!

I said, in heavy irony, how our children will look fondly back at his perfect bank statements while all their friends are looking at their holiday pictures from Disneyland Paris.

I am sick of scrimping.

we have a joint account, money goes in, money comes out

but we both agree when can splurge and when we need to save

but we do not EVER ask permission to buy anything, fgs, we are both adults

you need to sit down and have a chat and burn the little book!

has he had problems in childhood or whatever being without money? as he seems to have control issues, maybe try and explore that angle

Sometimes I have been sole breadwinner, and sometimes (like now) DH has been sold breadwinner. Sometimes I have had a higher salary, sometimes he has had a higher salary. We have always shared money equally because we both contribute equally to our household. We do not measure our contribution in terms of size of pay packet.

Nothing wrong with keeping track of your spending, but you should share control.

OO, does all the money you both earn go into the account? Do you have any 'you' money?

well if you can't afford to go to Disneyland without going overdrawn then he does have a point in that respect

my salary goes in once a month, ditto dh

I work p/t, he is f/t

but it is all OUR money

my salary pays all our bills that go out at the start of the month, dh's money is for food etc

If I want something, I buy it (within reason, we are not talking Chloe bags)

in fact, my cashcard was gobbled by a faulty machine the other week (still waiting for replacement, thanks posties) and it is HORRIBLE asking for money from him all the time

you need to sit down and have a talk and explore why he feels the need to be so controling

YABU in wanting him to ask you. You're both adults, you're married, finances should be joint and a subject of discussion rather than asking or offering.

Most of my friends , most of whom do earn a bit more than us seem to have the attitude of 'have fun now, pay later'.

This is not a way of life my husband subscribes to. I don't think I do too really...but they are the ones having all the fun while we sit at home, not living!

Would it be so wrong to not pay the WHOLE credit card bill off each month?

hmmm, well I think you should live within your means

but if we are having a crappy time (ie dd1 starting school has been very crap) then we take ourselves off en famille for a bit of a day out and pamper

imo that is what credit cards are for

YANBU
I am shocked about the little book. I would start charging him for sex. Type out the invoices properly, enter the amounts on an Excel spreadsheet etc.

Ditto with OO

One account - all money goes into it and all money goes out of it. We spend from it as we like, without asking permission.

I keep track of it and say when we need to reign in or when we can splurge but that's about it.

Asking for money? Er, no. That's just too bizarre.