To think at 26 my friend has a long time to go before she needs to worry

[User515166]

My friend who’s 26 is worrying that she’s getting too old to have a baby. I’ve told her she’s got a long time before she has to worry. Aibu?

She has plenty of time but it is very easy to say that from your side. Her own worries and loneliness will feel very, very real to her. I used to cry myself to sleep at that age because I felt a relationship was just so out of my reach.

No YABU. She needs to get a grip in the kindest way

I had one kid age 29 after years of being off any contraception, and one ectopic several years later after a long time trying. Nothing since. So, no, I'd say she's right to be thinking about it.

I think it depends on how many kids she wants and if he wants to be an older mum. I had my 4th at 29 so by the time I'm 40 she will be 11. I wouldn't want to still be giving birth and dealing with newborns in my late 30s or early 40s, but everyone is different.

• she

It depends on what she wants and where she is in life. If she has no relationship, then yes, she should probably be concerned because she’ll want time to get to know them, be alone with them and have a life before children, maybe get married and buy a house, then have kids.

Then throw in the reality of TTC, and how old she wants to be when having her last baby etc.

It’s a long process and if she isn’t even in a relationship where she sees children as possible, then yes, it’s a concern.

It’s not as easy as saying “oh you can have kids at 40 now!” because that isn’t always the case, and even if it is, few people want to start so late.

Depends on lots of things! So yes yabu

Personally I think she is right to be thinking about it, but not obsessed with it. If that makes sense! It could take a few years for her to meet someone, then sometimes people want to get married and buy a house and enjoy being a ‘married couple’, so that’s another few years. Then trying for a baby, could be another few years.

Yabu.

If she wants a career first, a marriage and a house with 4-5 kids then she needs to get cracking with it all.

If she's worried she's too old to have A baby then she's got 10 years.

But perhaps she wants them young.

In which case YABU

I guess no one knows they've got fertility issues until they start trying so I don't think she's being unreasonable.
I was 23 when I first started trying with my DH & 26 when we succeeded. Im so glad we started early as there was many bumps in the road along the way.

Yabu. Many women might vaguely plan to have dc at some point, but just as some women plan/ want to be older first time mothers, some women want to be younger mothers.

Well I wouldn't have worried. Met DH at 20 but didn't get married & have a baby until later as I wasn't ready. She might want different things

I didn't have my first until I was 36, so she should have a while before she starts to panic - unless early menopause runs in her family?

No I use to worry at 20 as it’s something I really wanted more than a career more than anything.

If she hasn’t met anyone I would be worried, I wanted a baby before I was 30 and I didnt want babies over 35.

26 meeting someone, date a few years engagement, marriage she will probably be 30. TTC and fitting in 2/3 kids before 35.

I wouldn’t be too worried but it would cross my mind if I was her age.

Time passes quickly and if it is at all possible, pregnancy in mid-late twenties or early thirties is preferable IMHO
There is no use in worrying too much though because if she could have a baby joe, she would? Sometimes you can’t really force things because there is no way to do it

My friend is 27 and single and has said similar..

It definitely seems to be the point now where many in our friendship circles are getting married and lots of pregnancy announcements coming along, so it can be hard not to compare.

Plus there is always all the stuff about fertility supposedly ‘falling off a cliff’ at 35 and stories in the media of ‘women leaving it too late’ rammed down our throats. She’s probably baring that in mind whilst also thinking that she wants meet the right person, move at a reasonable pace, tick all the boxes like a wedding and a house and preferably spend quite a few years without children just enjoying the relationship.

Depends really.
Some things I never discussed with anyone meant I likely wouldn’t have children after 27ish.
You don’t know her health status.

Yabu. She may have health issues or family history that is making her worry

I was 29 when I started to ttc, certainly not over the hill fertility wise, but it never happened. You never can tell until you try.

Yes but from memory that's when my hormones were massively kicking in and I was obsessed with having a baby so it can be a huge deal

Not unreasonable as you don't know what the future holds. I started trying to conceive aged 29 and was 37 by the time I had gone through a miscarriage, infertility and 5 rounds of ICSI.

I understand where she's coming from tbh. I was 25 when I felt ready to start TTC and even though on a logical level I knew I had aaages I still wanted to get on with it unless it turned out I or DH had fertility problems that took a while to address.

I was lucky in that I became pregnant very quickly but I don't think I made the wrong choice.

She's unreasonable if agree thinks she's already too old, clearly she isn't, but she's not unreasonable to be thinking about it already if parenthood is definitely something she wants

I’m 32 and am then first out of all my friends to be pregnant 😂
So I’d say deffo no rush

Is she single?

I think she’s sensible to be thinking about it tbh. I know so many people who have struggled and needed ivf etc despite only in their early thirties. Fertility problems are so much more common than most people realise.