Would IBU to put DD in full time nursery

[plumpootle]

DD is 3.5 and started nursery in September, Mon-Weds 9-3. On the Thursday she goes to my sister and spends the day with her and her twin toddlers.

I pay my sister £120 for that day and my DD enjoys going.

However, she also really enjoys nursery and I can see that she is benefiting a lot in terms of social and personal development.

I am entitled to 15 free hours so my nursery cost is significantly lower and money is a consideration.

On the one hand I think my DD is so little and I don't want to push her into school type care before she's ready.

On the other hand I don't know how much she is getting from spending the day with my sister and non verbal toddlers. Often when I pick her up she's a bit fed up with the babies.

When she wakes in the morning she asks if it's a nursery day and often says she doesn't want to go. But she also says that she likes nursery and misses it on her day off. And she is always very happy at pick up and says she enjoyed her day.

Another consideration is that I think my sister will be a bit fed up if I end our arrangement which she enjoys and financially benefits from.

But DD only has 8 months of nursery time left before school and as it's such a lovely nursery and she's coming on so well I wonder if I should maximise her time there.

She's v social and loves having friends.

But also loves her auntie and enjoys a 'no pressure' day

Friday, Sat and Sunday she is with me.

Any advice?

You pay your sister £120 a day. Wow..... I used to have my niece twice a week for free, because she is my neice and I was home anyway. Crazy. Send her to nursery.

My mum had my son 5 days a week for free at one point when she was between jobs 😂 you are generous.

I know...

It's a long standing situation with us, she is a penniless artist

Can’t believe you pay your sister £120 a day!! That’s double a day at my DDs nursery!

Are you paying her 120 A DAY? Or a month? 120 a day is extortion! That is not right at all. I’m a big believer in nursery I think they learn so much from it. It’s really up to you and what you can afford, both options sound like good ones.

Do you pay her £120 a day or £120 a month for that day of the week?

Either way, put her in nursery and keep the money.

Jesus 120 quid a day is a tonne for a family member.
I think nursery will be better for her, around kids of her own age and there's nothing wrong with prepping her for school, she'll be going so better to be prepared.

Why on earth are you subsidising your sisters life choices...

Pre school should be pretty chilled anyway it's all learning through play!

You pay her £120 a day?! That's daylight robbery! Especially as she's looking after her own kids that day anyway.

I'd just put your DD in nursery, give your sister a couple of months' notice if you're feeling generous.

I thought the £120 was a typo...not wonder your sister would be upset to lose that money!!!

It sounds like you need that money? And that DD is happy at nursery. It's a no brainer to me.

My son does 9-1pm 3 mornings a week at the same age. Unfortunately due to staffing issues due to covid he can't do more hours (small village pre school). But I would ideally like him to do more as he has really benefited from it.

If your DD will be going to school with the other children in the nursery you should probably start her four days at some point next year, make the transition to school easier.
I also have a broke sister so I understand it's hard.

I'd be sending her to nursery for more stimulation and I'm sure it would be better for your bank balance! I'm sure your sister will be grateful for the time that you've given her such a lot of money but it would always have come to an end, wouldn't it?
Not sure I could take £120 from my sister to look after my niece...

TBH i don,t think putting children in full tieme is necesserily best for the children. (saying as someone who works in a nursery) Perhaps up the hours and let child have the day with Auntie. If todders I don,t expect them to be completely non verbal.and would be concearned if they were.

Do what's best for you and your child.

I think it's really bad form of your sister to charge you €120 to watch her niece for 1 day.

If it was £20 a day that you insisted your dsis must take then I'd be saying keep her with your dsis. It's lovely they have a close bond and DD has the best of both worlds with nursery and family.
However, £120 is extortionate and I'd resent my dsis accepting all that money.
No wonder she enjoys having her niece.
I'd go with extra nursery day.

I would opt for the nursery every time, because they get socialisation skills there and are with children nearer their own age, they get more mental stimulation.

£120 for the day or a month?

If for the month then that is £30 a day so not too bad (I paid £42 a day in the North for my kids and that was a few years ago although they took the 15 free hours).

But £120 a day?!?! You could get a nanny and 1:1 care for that sort of sum.

Definitely the nursery. No doubts. There is nothing wrong with full time nursery, your DD will be attending school soon anyway and it’s a good preparation for it. She will benefit.

Ok pretty unanimous! Thanks all. Re the money. We are in zone 1 London so not as wildly crazy as you might think in terms of pay. My sister is brilliant with my DD and does a lot of creative play and development with her. The fee is a hangover from when she was 1:1. Then the twins came along and we just left it as is.

I don't feel ripped off - we are extremely close and I am happy to pay. But now I think the relationship might've outlasted it's original value.

The PP who mentioned best of both worlds - yes that's how it's been.

Even without your sister charging you £500 a month I'd have said go with the nursery. My DD is 3.5 and playing with other kids is just her absolute favourite thing to do, she has such a good time in nursery.

I would definately opt for the nursery. It isnt really full time as she would be going 4 days a week not 5. 4 days isn't to much, at that age my youngest went for 3 hours a day 5 days a week, helped prepare him for reception.

I don’t think it matters either way tbh, both settings are suiting your DD very nicely.

When she starts school perhaps your sister could do some holiday care. If so I’d be checking how much the local holiday clubs charge and offer her the same rate before you are entirely bankrupt.

Tell your sister she wants to do another day in nursery and nursery think it would be good for her ahead of starting school.

Arrange to meet your sister to play on a Friday.

120 a day?!?!?! For an unregistered childminder (essentially) is insane.

Yeah I'd definitely put her in nursery. Of course your sister will be upset at losing £120 () but you need to prioritise your daughter.