Would IBU to put DD in full time nursery

[plumpootle]

DD is 3.5 and started nursery in September, Mon-Weds 9-3. On the Thursday she goes to my sister and spends the day with her and her twin toddlers.

I pay my sister £120 for that day and my DD enjoys going.

However, she also really enjoys nursery and I can see that she is benefiting a lot in terms of social and personal development.

I am entitled to 15 free hours so my nursery cost is significantly lower and money is a consideration.

On the one hand I think my DD is so little and I don't want to push her into school type care before she's ready.

On the other hand I don't know how much she is getting from spending the day with my sister and non verbal toddlers. Often when I pick her up she's a bit fed up with the babies.

When she wakes in the morning she asks if it's a nursery day and often says she doesn't want to go. But she also says that she likes nursery and misses it on her day off. And she is always very happy at pick up and says she enjoyed her day.

Another consideration is that I think my sister will be a bit fed up if I end our arrangement which she enjoys and financially benefits from.

But DD only has 8 months of nursery time left before school and as it's such a lovely nursery and she's coming on so well I wonder if I should maximise her time there.

She's v social and loves having friends.

But also loves her auntie and enjoys a 'no pressure' day

Friday, Sat and Sunday she is with me.

Any advice?

If it helps btw, in my area they're entitled to start full time school the term after their 3rd birthday. In case you're worrying it's too much to be doing 4 days.

@plumpootle

Ok pretty unanimous! Thanks all. Re the money. We are in zone 1 London so not as wildly crazy as you might think in terms of pay. My sister is brilliant with my DD and does a lot of creative play and development with her. The fee is a hangover from when she was 1:1. Then the twins came along and we just left it as is.

I don't feel ripped off - we are extremely close and I am happy to pay. But now I think the relationship might've outlasted it's original value.

The PP who mentioned best of both worlds - yes that's how it's been.

I’m zone 2 (in a very expensive borough) London and that is insane! We pay £85 a day for nursery and that’s on the high end. You are being massively ripped off, even for London!

I think it will be hard to go from paying your (penniless) sister £500 a month to nothing 9 months before she’s expecting the arrangement to stop? Did she used to do all the care before nursery - did she used to have her 4 days a week? Who does pick-ups on nursery days at 3pm?

I’d probably look to move her to more days at nursery -or even an extra morning 9-12 - but ask your sister if she could collect her from nursery on a Thursday for tea/lunch as a transition towards school.

Who will do school pick-ups and holiday care? Do you still need to keep your sister ‘employed’ for stuff like that from next September?

I think this is more of a relationship issue with your sister than whether your DD would benefit more or less from extra nursery l.

I think either way would be fine and it's good to have time with family as well. Nursery would clearly be much cheaper though - you could probably save about £200 per month even at London prices.

@Whatsonmymindgrapes no! Nursery is v cheap, it's my sister who is paid £120. Although to be fair most pps think this is way too much too.

@plumpootle I know, I was pointing out I’m in zone 2 London and don’t pay that much for childcare. Even when I’ve used nannies they are £12 an hour. £120 is extortion even for zone 1 London!

I'm only paying £1 more an hour than you and it's a long day 9-6. My neighbours pay between £15-20 an hour. I do appreciate it's lot of money but not that wildly out of step.

Sorry, I'm london too and also think this is extortionate.

I can't get over the one hundred and twenty pounds for a DAY, zone one London or not, but that's not exactly helpful so....

I think the best childcare balance we ever had was with ds3 in the year before he started reception at school: he went to nursery three days a week and to the childminder who had looked after him since I went back to work when he was 9 months old the other two days (and of course was at home with us at the weekend). If the cost of paying your sister is not an issue I would not be in a rush to make her full time at nursery yet.

My sibling's financial situation and employment choices would not factor into my decision.

I would put her in nursery, but maybe do it gently because that will surely be quite a lot of income reduced for your sister every month. But still flabbergasted at £120 a day for presumably not even a fully day with someone? That's 480 a month. We pay about 650 a month for 4 full days of nursery 9-5.

I'm zone one London and pay £90 day for a very good nursery. I know it's not what you're asking, but it does put your choice in context.

Your question doesn't seem so much about 'what childcare should I use', more 'should I subsidise DS'. The answer to that might well be yes, if that works for you, but separate it from the childcare Q!

Thanks everyone - genuinely appreciate the thoughts and that you took the time to respond. Really can't decide though. Might trial a 4 day week at nursery in Jan and go from there...

My Dc's both loved nursery so I'd say go for full time nursery.

£120 a day? What does she provide for that? Caviar for dinner?

I'd definitely go with more nursery if that's your other option. Enjoy the spare cash!

Yikes that's a lot of money to your sister!! I'd go with nursery, my daughter did 5 days a week, started school and a new wrap around care in September and it's been a breeze for her and despite being the youngest in her class she's doing really well with phonics and numbers as she did a lot at nursery, at your daughters age it will help her get ready for school.

Definitely put your DD in nursery. Your sister is taking the piss. Your DD doesn’t get her attention all day as she’s dealing with younger twins. There is no way whatever she does with your DD is worth £120 per day.
Do you not get 30 funded hours entitlement now she’s over 3?

I'm pretty disgusted at your sister for taking £120 a day, unless you're massively rich (and even then...) I thought you meant a month and I still thought that was pretty steep for essentially hosting a play date once a week.

When you add in the fact that your daughter doesn't even enjoy it, you'd be mad to keep this arrangement going.

You sister being a penniless artist is a choice.

There is no way you should be paying £120 a day and you’re deluded if you think she’s getting proper attention all day If she has toddler twins. Nannies would charge a lot less than the usual rates for bringing their own children. My 4 year old gets really irritated with her own 1yo sister and I know how stressful the combination of just two of them is. She’d want to move out if there were two one year olds around her all day. I’d go for nursery but perhaps think about your sister doing pick-up.

Good point from a PP, would you not get 30 hours funding now? In which case more reason to go for nursery.

It does sound complex though with your sister and I respect you for wanting to support her. Honestly I personally would struggle not to just think she chose this career and has to live with the fact it doesn't pay well. But I don't have any adult siblings so I can't really understand what it must actually be like to be in your position.

No we are over the earning threshold for 30 hours so only entitled to 15. But - big mortgage and my DH is a low earner so money is a concern (although not a source of serious worry for which I am v grateful).

If you do the extra fat at nursery now much would it cost? You are already using your 15 free hours on the Mon-Weds so how much would nursery cost compared to the £120 you pay now?

Fat=day

Does your sister still do all that creative play and development now she's got twin(!) babies to care for too? As someone with two toddlers, I wouldn't have one minute for another child without them demanding me.

So you individually earn over 100k? I can see how that must create a difficult dynamic with your sister!