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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you rehome the cat?

78 replies

MrsJunglelow · 19/11/2020 07:34

She is driving me crazy.
She is destructive, she has ruined sofas, rugs, stairs, curtains...

We have spent so much on scratching posts and activity centres over the years for her that she will use, but not exclusively.

Her big thing now is the bed.
I am so stressed with it.
I can’t get a proper nights sleep because I am woken by the scratching.
At first it was scratching because she wanted to let out which was bad enough but now sometimes it appears to be just for fun.
She’ll scratch, I’ll get up to let her out and she’ll run off somewhere I can’t catch her.
Sometimes I’m up three or so times a night and struggle to get back to sleep.

I am so, so tired.

I could shut the door but then she’ll ruin something else..

It’s getting to the point where I dread letting her in and don’t want to go to sleep.

DH wants her gone but she is a sweet cat apart from her destructiveness and the children like her.

I don’t know what to do.

What would you do?

OP posts:

Poppingnostopping · 19/11/2020 08:39

I don't have my cat in my room at night any more for the same reason, she wakes up and wants food, decides she wants to wake me up and paws my face. I just leave her downstairs with a few treats around 10ish. Yes, she would prefer to be snuggled in with me, but I don't think me not having sleep is viable in the long-term.

The things you could do are: clip the cat's claws just lightly so the scratching isn't as destructive, get her to sleep downstairs, let her out during the day.

Poppingnostopping · 19/11/2020 08:41

I assumed from the way this was written that the cat was an indoor cat...if not, the the claws thing doesn't apply. We let our 'indoor' cat out for a little while each day but she is very obedient (and food motivated) so she'll come back for treats.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 19/11/2020 08:54

Get a cat flap and her pet choose where to be
Our cat much prefers being out all night and in during the day and can come and go as she pleases now

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 19/11/2020 08:55

Out cat will come and pull my hair and poke my face from about 4am, looking for breakfast if we forget to shut her in the kitchen. She gets put through at bedtime, and has her bed, food, water, and a litter tray in there. She does go out, but is always in overnight.

I'd try keeping her confined overnight first. I was resistant to it for years, and DP eventually insisted, even though she knows he could sleep through an earthquake and doesn't bother him with her 4am antics. It has been a total game changer. Cat-face often comes in from outside and just hops straight to her bed, she knows the routine now.

NekoShiro · 19/11/2020 09:01

How much the do you spend playing with her a day? Also have you tried cardboard scratchers instead of sisal? How often do you trim her claws?

Nottherealslimshady · 19/11/2020 09:03

Does she have anything to do? Toys, games, climbing stuff? Does anyone play with her? Sounds like she's bored.

cloverbug · 19/11/2020 09:07

Have you tried taking her to the vet?

I understand your frustration but it's so unfair to re home her when these are things you should know will likely happen before getting a cat. You shouldn't give up on her.

CSIblonde · 19/11/2020 09:17

Do you shut her in your room all night, it's a bit unclear? You can get clear adhesive cat protector panels for sofas which you could cut down for the bed . Leave dried food out in case she's hungry & can you try a cat flap so she can come & go with the kitchen door shut so she's not waking you . My cat is out all night , in at 5am then sleeps all day.

Iwantacookie · 19/11/2020 09:30

Ide recommend shitting her in the kitchen overnight. I do that with my cats so we can get some sleep as their favourite hobby was launching themselves from the top of the wardrobe onto the bed in the middle of the night.

cloverbug · 19/11/2020 09:32

@Iwantacookie Wasn't quite sure where you were going with that sentence for a moment. 😳😂

Nannewnannew · 19/11/2020 09:40

@Iwantacookie I’m sorry, but that made me laugh-the thought of your cats landing on the bed in the middle of the night! 😂 I can see why they’re in the kitchen now!

Leonberger · 19/11/2020 09:47

Sounds bored to me.

Probably a very unpopular opinion but I believe cats need to be outside doing what cats do. Shutting one in the house 24/7 must be a miserable existence. At least dogs get waked to experience new things but cats don’t even get that.

ghostyslovesheets · 19/11/2020 09:55

Blimey - sounds like a cat to me! She also sounds lonely and bored 😐

Please don’t remove her claws it causes pain and it cruel

Re home her to people who understand cats! I have 5 who regularly wake me up and scratch things - it’s normal

ghostyslovesheets · 19/11/2020 09:56

Also - yes let her out! (I am hoping she’s spayed and vaccinated)

Redfacedxo · 19/11/2020 10:01

I don't let my cat out at night, he always fights with the other cats at night and has had nasty cuts and bites he gets shut in at night in the utility room or kitchen and let out first thing in the morning.

poppet31 · 19/11/2020 10:02

I would only rehome as an absolute last resort. Cats are not usually destructive for no reason. My cat would behave like that if she is bored or stressed. Does your cat have plenty of toys / entertainment? We use a feliway plug in which has calmed our cat down massively. We also cut her claws regularly (she is an indoor cat.) Maybe also worth asking your vet for advice. Has your cat always been like this or is this new behaviour?

ClaireP20 · 19/11/2020 10:06

Is she an indoor cat? If so, I think this is extremely cruel and you should give her to a family who let her play outside.

If not, has she enough food and water? My cats eat a ton and go super hyper if they are hungry. Try giving her lots more food tonight and see what happens. Not that dried crap that's 'good for them but tastes like cardboard' either.

Beagledbybeagle · 19/11/2020 10:12

If you get rid of her thenplease never get another pet they will all be an inconvenience to you.

AramintaLee · 19/11/2020 10:13

Hi OP

I have 2 cats and fortunately both are docile but I can understand your frustration.

Is she an indoor or outdoor cat? It sounds like she's scratching out of frustration/stress.

Others have suggested feliway and I would start with that. I've always found scratching posts a waste of money... you're better off with a block of wood. My Dad has a Bengal who is high energy loves to scratch and she swears by her log of wood.

Maybe have a word with your vet to see if they can advise? I would only rehome as a last option.

Fluffybutter · 19/11/2020 10:16

[quote ScottishStottie]@fluffybutter does the cat show any other interest in getting in behind kitchen units (going into a low cupboard if left open or anything)?

Its just that when my childhood cat became interested in getting behind the kitchen sink, it was because he could hear rats scratching in the foundations of the house, which needed to be professionally dealt with...[/quote]
No he’s just an arsehole .
It’s a relatively new kitchen so no rodents or anything , just some dust and cobwebs .
I did double check as we have had field mice left under the fridge before .
He just sees there’s gap under there and that he can easily pull it down .
Last week I actually watched him come in from outside , pull down the kick board and then walk off , I think he does it to piss DH off more than anything !

Beamur · 19/11/2020 10:25

She sounds bored.
I would shut her in a safe room overnight. Provide some interesting things for her to play with, food, litter, etc. Change toys daily.
Play with her daily - get her running, cats sleep better that way.
Check diet, more protein. If she likes food you can get feeding mats that mean they have to work a bit harder - more interesting for a smart cat. You can get supplements that calm an excitable cat too..
Lots more variety of toys - doesn't have to be expensive. Boxes, paper bags, cardboard tunnels.

Try a Feliway plug in, they can be very calming.
I also have a few sacrificial bits of furniture, wicker baskets, hampers etc. Not so expensive to replace if they get shredded. Spray on some catnip every now and again to make it more interesting.
Another cat? (Don't get another female) could help or double your grief

Hotwaterbottlelove · 19/11/2020 10:25

Poor cat sounds stressed out and you don't seem to know much about cats. What books have you read? Try Total Cat Mojo and keep reminding yourself that you are sharing you home with an animal that isn't anywhere near as domesticated as dogs, and so you with need to be willing to adapt you home and life to meet its needs not find ways to force it to meet yours.

justlonelystars · 19/11/2020 10:29

Poor cat. Part of getting a pet is realising that your home will never be pristine after! I have four cats and they have absolutely ruined my carpets. Would I get rid of them? No, because the joy and love I have for them far outweighs the carpet. Sure, not everyone would be happy with that trade off - don’t get a pet if so.

GoldfishParade · 19/11/2020 10:57

My vet says hes seen a huge rise in behavioural issues in cats over the past two decades and he puts it down to the trend for keeping them inside.

It doesnt sound like you let your cat out since you talk about activity centres... Rehome your cat via a charity (but keep her in your house until a new family is found), and specify that she needs outdoor access. Its cruel to keep what sounds like a very bored animal locked in your flat picking up on your bad vibes to boot.

JorisBonson · 19/11/2020 11:01

@Leonberger

Sounds bored to me.

I agree with you @Leonberger. Our cats have full access to the house and outdoors 24/7. As a result they go and do their cat things when they are most active, which is when we are sleeping.

And OP, please don't crate your cat as suggested on here. It's incredibly cruel.

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