AIBU to conclude this friendship is over?

[BinnedOff]

Have a friend who married someone from Morocco 30 years younger. Since the new chap arrived 3 years ago, she has gone from wanting to go out regularly to never getting in touch. I have been supportive of her relationship and we haven't had any fallings out. I think she just has better fish to fry and can't be bothered with me anymore. I'm flogging a dead horse aren't I?

Yes leave her alone, did she meet her fella on holiday or online?

@Cheesypea

Yes leave her alone, did she meet her fella on holiday or online?

She met her now husband in the UK. He was doing a short training course here when they met in a pub.

Oh ok makes a change.

The marriage might fail and she’d need you then. Stay in touch, for her sake.

@GreenClock

The marriage might fail and she’d need you then. Stay in touch, for her sake.

Would be sad for her marriage to fail. I do miss her company though.

Sounds like something from Take A Break

@ShirleyPhallus

Sounds like something from Take A Break

I know what you mean! Been years since I read Take a Break!

The marriage might fail and she’d need you then. Stay in touch, for her sake.

If she can’t be bothered with you now and then her marriage fails and she comes running back then tell her to F off!

Who knows? He might be controlling and disapproving of her having friendships. It might be going dreadfully and she’s mortified.

Have you asked her why?

@Flutter12

The marriage might fail and she’d need you then. Stay in touch, for her sake.

If she can’t be bothered with you now and then her marriage fails and she comes running back then tell her to F off!

Feel sad to let her go as been such good friends for 20 years. However, you can't keep throwing yourself at someone if they don't want to know.

@flaviaritt

Who knows? He might be controlling and disapproving of her having friendships. It might be going dreadfully and she’s mortified.

Maybe. He doesn't seem like that sort of person, but you never know what is going on behind closed doors.

To be honest I think flaviaritt might be correct.

Most likely he disapprovs of friendships and going to pubs etc.

They might of met in pub but once they have someone and married suddenly they change and have disapproval or any where with drink etc this is very commen.

Even if they and there friends continue the same. They see different rules for women.

From the ones I have witnessed.

It is not always obvious either to other people that this is the case on the outside.

@Todaywewilldobetter

Have you asked her why?

She doesn't seem to want to talk on the phone. In lockdown, I suppose it would be possible to meet for a walk. I suspect she isn't really interested though. I think it's a case of you can't force people to want your company. Sad after such a long friendship.

To me the reluctansy to want talk on the phone would be more that he would be there and hearing the conversation so even if she wanted to say something she would not be in a position to say it.

Also it is a very hard thing to admit to friends especially when they might have the view that you would never get your self in a relationship that would make you in that situation.

I would be concerned that he's controlling your friend. I'd keep in touch in case it's this and she ever needs you. This type of abuse is sadly very common.
But it's really hard when things like this happen and you're just waiting and wondering.

This is shit binned, it's so sad when long friendships end. Flaviaritt could be onto something. If you send birthday/ Christmas anniversary cards/ texts it would signal that the doors open.

@2010rachel29

To be honest I think flaviaritt might be correct.

Most likely he disapprovs of friendships and going to pubs etc.

They might of met in pub but once they have someone and married suddenly they change and have disapproval or any where with drink etc this is very commen.

Even if they and there friends continue the same. They see different rules for women.

I can't tell how he feels really. I have gone out for some meals with them as a couple. I don't get any sense of how he feels but probably just don't know him well enough. I find it difficult to relate to him fully as he is so much younger. Almost like going out with my adult son! I do feel that we have to modify our conversation when the husband is there. I think having partners there always alters the dynamic though.

@Cheesypea

This is shit binned, it's so sad when long friendships end. Flaviaritt could be onto something. If you send birthday/ Christmas anniversary cards/ texts it would signal that the doors open.

Yes, I will definitely do this!

This is very judgemental of me but it makes my toes curl to hear of women who allow themselves to be used for a visa and money.

My husband is 8 years younger than me and I had to do some really serious thinking when we met because it meant compromises on both sides. But 30 fucking years?! If he's 25 then she 55. They stay together long enough for the visa and several years of rent free living, cash donations etc then once he's drained the cash, he fucks off at 30 leaving her penniless at 60.

I just can't pretend I think there is real love in that situation, it's the oldest con in the book.

Sorry, not helpful op, am sorry you've lost your friend

@MrsBobDylan

This is very judgemental of me but it makes my toes curl to hear of women who allow themselves to be used for a visa and money.

My husband is 8 years younger than me and I had to do some really serious thinking when we met because it meant compromises on both sides. But 30 fucking years?! If he's 25 then she 55. They stay together long enough for the visa and several years of rent free living, cash donations etc then once he's drained the cash, he fucks off at 30 leaving her penniless at 60.

I just can't pretend I think there is real love in that situation, it's the oldest con in the book.

Sorry, not helpful op, am sorry you've lost your friend

I really hope that my friend isn't just being used. It is a massive age gap between them. She is due to retire in a year, so I don't know how that will change things. The chap has done bits and pieces of work since coming to the UK to live, but it's been few and far between.

Everyone is starting to assume abuse.

Is it because he's younger or because he's foreing?

I think I’d send a gentle ‘last text’ saying you’ve got the message that she believes the friendship to have run it’s course, that you’re sad about it, and honestly wish her the best into the future. Be careful not to sound pissy or dramatic- it is all true after all.

It’ll force her to decide- either she steps up or ignores you. You’ll know where you stand, and she’ll know you value the friendship if she ever wants to re-engage (if perhaps she is having relationship problems). Then it’ll be up to you to decide if it’s the kind of friendship that suits you and your needs.

@smalalalalalala

Everyone is starting to assume abuse.

Is it because he's younger or because he's foreing?

I'm not making ang assumptions. I can't really get a sense of his intentions when I see my friend and him together. He doesn't give the impression of being head over heels in love. However, not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve.