Smoking in the toilet

[Doglovesbooks]

My dp is a smoker and often smokes in the toilets in the house. One of the upstairs ones is right next to the bedroom where I and our toddler sleep. I’ve asked him again and again to please not smoke in the house, he never stops completely and I’m so pissed off with it. He comes from a family who still smoke in the house 🤷🏻‍♀️Who actually does that in this day and age?! I grew up with my dad occasionally smoking in the lounge when we’d gone to bed (80’s-90’s) but wouldn’t dream of it now.
So sick of the smell and the passive smoking element, aibu to be fuming about this?! How can I make him stop?

I wouldn't be happy to be honest either, I use to smoke but NEVER in my house as the smell was awful.
Most of my family still smoke and if they visit I always make sure they go outside regardless of the weather

What??? That is really grim! I wouldn't be happy with that at all and it wouldn't be an option for me. Smoking in the house is pretty awful but with a young child that's appalling!

You can’t.

He’s shown you that his ha it is more important to him than the health and well-being of you and your ds. I’d Chuck him out, this is vile.

You've asked him not to do it. I assume you've explained that it stinks and is unhealthy for his child. If he still doesn't care enough to stop smoking indoors, I don't think you can make him stop.

You could give him the cold shoulder, argue with him every time you catch him, frame photos of diseased lungs in his favourite smoking spots... But will any of that make a difference? He's demonstrating that he doesn't care for his family or respect your wishes enough to inconvenience himself.

Ugh gross. I'd be going mental every time. It's disgusting and unhealthy for your baby.

Smoking in my house would be an ABSOLUTE no. I would ask him to leave if he did it again because I couldn’t bear it.

I’m so so sick of it!! For a couple of times, he stops, then does it again, just why? We have a balcony/terrace upstairs where he could literally just have a cigarette then go to the toilet. It causes rows each time, he adores our Dd, why would he keep doing it.

Have you asked him?

Laziness by the sounds of it

He just denies it, after he’s just literally come out of the toilet and it stinks of smoke 🤷🏻‍♀️

He’d be smoking on the street because he’d be living there.

Smoking in the home is disgusting, but in a home with a child is reprehensible. This would be a total deal breaker for me.

OP you are understandably annoyed by this. For some reason your DP finds solace / enjoys embracing his addiction in the toilet. Maybe try a different tact of explaining why you dont want him to do this (its obviously an alien concept to him given his family history). I would also get details of local stop snoking services and subtly leave these available to him. Over 70% smokers want to give up and they are 3 x more likely to stop with specialist support.

Tell him to smoke outside and that you've had enough of it in the house. Ban it.

I have done, it changes for a short while, then I smell it again, then it starts an argument and he denies it, is he just forgetting? Wtf

Install a sensitive mains-wired smoke alarm in the loo. I would leave someone over this, ie smoking around a child

He's not forgetting he's gaslighting.

Denies it??? It's a pretty clear smell, does he think you're an idiot?

@Throckmorton I’m really starting to feel like that. I smoked when younger but never inside 🤷🏻‍♀️there’s no need. The other day we were out having lunch (outdoors, we’re in another country) and he lit up a cigarette after he’d eaten, he turned away a bit, but this was in front of our Dd, with her watching and close by, I was like wtf? Would that annoy you?

Is he flushing the cigarette butt or is it going in the bin? Relevant to my advice if he isn’t well hiding the evidence then show him the evidence. Or buy a standalone smoke alarm and put it on only after all showers had so it has to be from his smoking. He’ll jump when he hears it first time.

@goodwinter I know?!

@CorianderLord gaslighting how? (Forgive my stupidity)

Take the toilet door off its hinges.

I would really leave him over it. He doesn't care about your property, your daughters health or about his own stinky smokerness

Im a smoker (quite a heavy one too) i wouldnt dream of smoking in the house, especially now we uave a little one!

Install a sensitive mains-wired smoke alarm in the loo.

This is what I would do as well. It will put a stop to the smoking in short order.

You should probably have a couple in your house anyway.