This is going to sound very self-pitying l know. But I am actually sitting here, without thinking about it, suddenly wishing that I could die.
I'm morbidly obese, over 22 stone, heavier than I ever have been. I've got a plethora of related health issues, so feel unwell everyday, with one thing or another. I'm widowed with an adult daughter and teenage son, both Asperger's, both fairly dependent on me. I can't afford to buy myself nice clothing. I have no friends and a family that are not sympathetic, they only want me so they can feel superior. (Don't think they actually realise that). If I try to talk to any of them about my severe depression, they always start telling me about how someone else is in a much more serious situation, blah blah blah.
I've got a crush on an actor that I'm desperately trying to stop be because I know no it's all about me not being attractive to anyone. He wouldn't be even remotely interested in me, and this is just highlighting the fact that I am deeply unattractive and in bottomless depression.
I do realise this is just the depression talking. I've been seeing a counsellor once a week for a few years now and it does help. But every now and then I get myself into this deep pit where I'm not good enough, no one wants me and never will and what's the point?
It actually makes me feel physically sick.
I want to stop, I want to make myself attractive, lose weight, gain a lot more self-worth. Where do I start?
Thank you for reading I appreciate that it does seems very very self-absorbed.