Intrusive or Am I OverReacting?

[BigBooks]

Went back to work full time last year after 10 years at home. In laws both retired and seem to have made it their mission in life to take over our house. Everyday I come home to a worktop covered in any washing up that has been done. Piles of washing left done in sitting room and kids all go to theirs for dinner. When I’m writing this it seems ridiculous that I’m complaining that everything is being done. But it’s the extent of it. Tonight eldest daughter wanted to make toasted cheese. No grill pan. It has disappeared. Presumably taken to get cleaned as it’s not an easy thing to tuck in a corner. Long history of intrusivenes. Returned from holiday to find house cleaned, everything moved, things changed to suit them. Even had a silent towel battle😂 me storing them in airing cupboard. In laws moving them to shelving unit in bathroom. Ridiculous! Solved that by getting rid of old unit and buying much smaller one. They still tried for a while though. Rural area so doors left open so can come and go as they please. Husband doesn’t care. Standard response to life is whatever. Tell me I’m being ridiculous please. Just feel like I’m in someone else house sometimes.

Start locking your doors and tell them to stop.

WTEverlovingF?? Door locks, stat! This is in no way normal, and would drive me insane

Lock your doors and say “thanks, but you’re settled at work now and no longer need their help.”

It's not great but in return for all the generous help I'd bite my tongue. Life would be much much harder for you if all the household chores were waiting for you (like they do for the rest of us mortal folk) when we get home from our jobs everyday. Enjoy the pleasure of walking into a tidy home with little/no housework and tolerate the intrusion - until you are ready to take on all the work yourself (it's not fun I promise).

Start locking the door. Tell them you don’t need help, or if you do, ie washing tell them where to put it, ask them to put the crockery away not leave it out

Personally I would be locking the door

I can see how that’s annoying but surely you didn’t need to start a thread to come up with the simple idea of just locking the doors?

If locking the doors was an option I would. Husband would never agree. Apart from that it is our way of life to leave doors open. We even leave keys in the car. Why should I give what is an integral part of our life just because people can’t keep to normal boundaries?

I’d start leaving them a list to work through.

So if you can't possibly lock the doors just tell them not to come in? Say you're not comfortable with them being in the house when you're not there and you'll let them know a good time for a visit. If they do it again then ask why they've gone into your house after being asked not to, express how shocked you are about it. For people to keep to boundaries you have to make them clear and it sounds like they think they're helping?

Why should I give what is an integral part of our life just because people can’t keep to normal boundaries?

Eh..... Because some people can't keep to normal boundaries!

@BigBooks

If locking the doors was an option I would. Husband would never agree. Apart from that it is our way of life to leave doors open. We even leave keys in the car. Why should I give what is an integral part of our life just because people can’t keep to normal boundaries?

People have normally boundaries because they enforce them. What have you tried so far in regards to addressing the intrusiveness.

I can understand why you don’t like it. I’d hate having people move things around and come in my house constantly. Though I wouldn’t mind the washing up!

Jeez lock ya doors woman.

What the fuck am I reading? Is this real?

You need to take control and remind your husband that this is your home too. I can't understand how you can handle having your in-laws running the place like they do. You don't lock your doors? What? Do you live in some kind of magical utopia where nothing ever bad happens?

Rural area so doors left open so can come and go as they please.

I could live in the middle of the sodding desert and I wouldn't leave my door unlocked!
Especially when you have a pesky in-law infestation.

Ok you’ve got to lock your doors.

The airing cupboard bit resonated with me. My ex ILs would never have it that towels go in the airing cupboard. Laughed at the idea. Weird.

If you leave your home empty and doors unlocked, anyone can walk in and help themselves. Then your insurers won't pay out for any theft or breakins. Check your policy.

@BigBooks

If locking the doors was an option I would. Husband would never agree. Apart from that it is our way of life to leave doors open. We even leave keys in the car. Why should I give what is an integral part of our life just because people can’t keep to normal boundaries?

Totally agree Buuuuuut... I live in London. I can’t leave my doors unlocked because other people are unacceptable. As are your in laws. Unless you’re prepared to sit down with them and lay down the law and do it every single time, that’s your option.

Husband doesn’t care. Standard response to life is whatever.

If this is true, then he won't care if you tell him your in-laws are no longer welcome to barge in and run your home. Why have you let this continue? Honestly, it's outrageous, and imo a very bad example to set for your children. Grandparents aren't skivvies, even if they are seemingly "volunteering" their services. This situation is wrong on many levels.

Can you just have a chat - pleasant but serious so that they hear you properly - and say that you would like them to only go to the house when you are in. Take any keys they have off them when you go on holiday - you do lock the doors then? And 'forget' to hand them back afterwards.

Where on earth do you live that you dont lock your doors? Madness. I live rurally, still lock the sodding doors.

So what if you're in a rural area? I was assaulted in my home in a rural area. There is not some magical forcefield surrounding you.

Take a day off work and while they're rearranging your house, go to their house and do the same to them, and take your grill pan back while you're there. 😀

I don't really have any advice but they do sound overbearing!! My in-laws lived with me for eight weeks while buying a new home. They cheesed me off as they started rearranging the art on my walls. I just put it back to how I had it. I'll say that their behavior comes from a particularly finicky obsessive personality type.

As an example, a few years ago they were renting a condo for only about six months and they repainted the interior because they couldn't ' stand it'. I remember thinking "What a waste of bloody time and money".

Could that be the case with your In laws as well?

My sister lived somewhere like this. Might be the same place it sounds very like it. Keys left in the car and if car was missing then someone had borrowed it. I loved going to visit her. However the down side is that relations just walk in at any time.
My mum used to occasionally babysit and when I came home you could guarantee ornaments had been moved or a cupboard differently organised. She said it looked better that way. I thought my option was not to have her babysitting. I wish she was here to change things around now! Probably more irritating when it is your in-laws. You will have to have it out with them.

OMG please give them my address! I would love it!! Every night I go to bed and hope fairies will come and tidy/clean my house whilst I sleep! I have children aged 5, 3 and 1 and no family help at all. No help with childcare (haven’t had a night out in 2 years), can’t afford a cleaner, house is a constant tip, and I lost the battle with the washing basket a long time ago.