I think I might be depressed

[Jourdain11]

I don't know if I'm reading too much into things... but I just feel horrible. I have this constant, low level anxiety, and it's really getting me down. I can't stop worrying about things that might happen and every day I just wake up and think, "Oh God...!"

I just feel so sad. I used to enjoy life so much and now it's as if I'm seeing the world in shades of grey instead of in colour. I end up in tears over something stupid every day.

I'm just so worried that I've fallen into depression, or that this is a manifestation of some other mental health condition, and that I'll never get back to normal again.

Poor you, I'm sorry you're feeling like this

I suggest you have a chat with your GP and tell them what you've posted here as it sounds like ou have classic depression symptoms to me. You might need a course of anti depressants to help lift you out of it.

You will feel normal again. It might take a while but you will.

I know it's ridiculous, but I'm afraid to go to my GP! I'm worried they'll either tell me to get a grip, or that I have some forever mental health condition that I'll never recover from. But that's it - I'm worried about anything and everything.

And it seems so feeble to trouble the NHS when, let's face it, everyone must be feeling like shit in the lockdown.

@DramaAlpaca

Poor you, I'm sorry you're feeling like this

I suggest you have a chat with your GP and tell them what you've posted here as it sounds like ou have classic depression symptoms to me. You might need a course of anti depressants to help lift you out of it.

You will feel normal again. It might take a while but you will.

P.S. Have never taken ADs, and I'm a bit wary about getting reliant on medication, but are there different types? Maybe ones you don't get sort of hooked on?

The vast majority of anti depressants are not addictive, and they will start you on a low dose. You will hopefully also get a referral to counselling.

A huge proportion of GP visits are about mental health, so you will not be told to get a grip.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

Thank you.

Sometimes I just wish it would all stop. I'm not saying I wish I was dead or that I'd do anything stupid - I never would - but sometimes I wish I could just sleep for a very very long time!

Maybe try St. John's wort before going down the AD route, it sounds like this shitty year has kicked your arse a bit and you need a bit of help.

I agree with @Stripesnomore. ADs these days aren't addictive. You might only need them for a short time to lift your mood. If you do decide it's the right thing for you to try, remember it will take a couple of weeks for them to start working.

I have depression and anxiety. When I felt brave and desperate enough to call the GP, she was so kind and sensitive. She talked to me for quite a while and gave me a prescription for sertraline due to the anxiety as well as the depression. They had some side effects at the beginning but all okay now. I have also had CBT which was amazing and now having counselling. I also self harm and this has lessened also with CBT. I do feel better, less numb and hopeless. I have received nothing but kindness and professionalism from nhs people I have met. Please go to the gp, it will help you.

Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it.

It's not like it is coming out of nowhere - I can defo pinpoint the things that are making me feel like this. But I feel like I can't open up to anyone around me. Which is so stupid, but I just... can't. They will worry, and that would just make me feel even worse

Oh OP, that’s shit. I know me telling you you’re not alone and that I’m really depressed as well ATM won’t help you in the slightest, but you aren’t alone.

I can 100% tell you that it will get better in time. I’m an absolute veteran of the most desperate, debilitating, drowning bipolar depressions when it feels like you can’t even lift your head up or speak and I’ve got better every time, and so will you. I know it doesn’t feel like it now but you will, I promise.

Talk to your GP. I promise they won’t tell you to pull yourself together or diagnose you with a mental illness. Everybody goes through periods when the world feels like too much and you just can’t pick yourself up, it doesn’t make you crazy and it doesn’t mean you’re damaged or fucked up or pathological, it just means you’re human, and sometimes humans just need a bit of extra help to get up and running again.

Please call the GP, I promise they won’t be awful to you. Tell them you’re in a bad way and you need a call the same day.They will try to help you. They might offer you antidepressants, which I wish I could go on because I could do with them but I can’t because they don’t agree with my bipolar, or they can give you the number to contact your local IAPT service. Please just try. You know what makes things get better for me when I’m in the shit? Actually taking positive steps to get myself out of it. You’d be surprised how much more hopeful you’ll feel if you feel like yu’re trying to take control.

Stay strong OP. You will feel better again, I 100% copper bottom brownies honour guarantee it.

I felt just like you the first time I had depression (also don't worry when I say 'the first time' - it doesn't usually come back, especially if it's situational as yours most likely is). I was worried it would never go away, but it did, and so it does for the vast majority of people. I was also worried about exactly the same things in terms of going to see the doctor, but it's quite a normal thing that they're used to talking to people about - they will understand that it's something to take seriously, but they also won't have you immediately sectioned or anything!

Antidepressants aren't really addictive in the way you might be thinking, in the sense of making you feel artificially happy. I would describe them as more like helping you to feel like yourself again, by stopping the illness taking over. They're designed to correct a chemical imbalance in your brain, in the same way that you might stop getting mood swings from PMS if you took a pill to stop your hormones cycling monthly - they certainly won't make you feel like you're walking on clouds and farting out unicorn sparkles I know several people who've taken them at some point in their lives, long- or short-term, and none of them suffered from any kind of dependency or withdrawal symptoms.

I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I remember you from other threads and I know you've had a lot of shit going on this year, even more so than the general pandemic/lockdown crap. I also remember you being really funny, and generally seeming like someone who never wanted to be self-pitying and rightly prided yourself in your determination to keep going no matter how rough things got. One of the worst things about depression is that it obscures those positive aspects of your personality, and makes you feel like you've become this miserable person with no sense of self beyond a kind of constant fog of hopelessness. I wish someone had told me this on my first go round, but it's an aspect of the illness that makes you feel that way - it doesn't define who you are and it won't be like that forever. You're still you underneath all that and your real self will still be there when it's gone.

I know it's ridiculous, but I'm afraid to go to my GP! I'm worried they'll either tell me to get a grip, or that I have some forever mental health condition that I'll never recover from. But that's it - I'm worried about anything and everything.

And it seems so feeble to trouble the NHS when, let's face it, everyone must be feeling like shit in the lockdown.

This is how I felt before I went to the GP. I fully expected him to tell me that I was just lazy and it was my own fault. I also felt I was wasting his time because he had ACTUAL sick people to see.

I was on ADs for about 2 years (fluoxetine) and had no problems coming off them. I was advised to slowly reduce the dose rather that just stop, but that was in case the symptoms restarted and it would be easier to go back up. Went from two tablets per day to one to one every two days to one every three days then off them, this was over the course of a month. I've been off them for almost 10 years now although if my mood dropped again for a significant amount of time then I wouldn't hesitate to go back on them.

Thank you so much - it's really, really kind of you to take the time to reply at such length! It is reassuring to hear that it is possible to come out of the other side, so to speak. At the moment I feel like I've lost my personality, if that makes any sense. As if everything that made me a worthwhile person has gone down the plug hole with the bath water and left me as this kind of stressed out, miserable shell. And I'm just so tired - I don't want to have to cope with it all any more, I'm sick of having to worry about everything and at the same time, I can't stop worrying.

I can usually talk to DH about anything, but he's having such a shitty time at work. He does enjoy a moan (and would admit that himself) but it's the first time that he's ever seemed really worn down by work and he is even talking about leaving teaching altogether.

Being stuck in a flat with two hyperactive kids and one hypersensitive kid is also starting to wear a little thin... each evening is like a reenactment of Lord of the Flies...

I think you're right - I just need to bite the bullet and talk to my GP and see what she says about the antidepressants. Anything is worth a go, really!

In terms of ADs, is there anything anyone would particularly recommend / warn off? I get that the GP will probably have her own ideas about what, if anything, is suitable. But I'd prefer to avoid icky side effects! I have quite a few friends who have taken citalopram, but then they seem to have been on it very long term and I kind of would prefer to avoid staying on meds for longer than ness...

Sorry I don’t have any practical advice to offer OP but it sounds really tough. I think speaking to your GP is a good first step though, and they can explain a bit more about medication and talk through your concerns. And I know you don’t want to want to add to your husband’s plate but please speak to him if you can, if my partner was feeling this way and didn’t want to tell me I would still want him to! You’re a team.

Please don't try St John's wort first.
If your GP and you decide to go forward with anti depressants, you will have to stop the St johns wort, wait for a while, until its out of your system and then begin prescribed anti depressants.
Speak to your GP first.

I'm actually wary of St John's Wort, since a friend had a really bad experience with taking it! So I'll give it a miss, although thanks to the pp who suggested all the same.

Unfortunately ADs are like most other medicines in that what works for one person doesn't always work for another. I had zero problems with fluoxetine but know some others had side effects or felt that it wasn't working for them.

ADs can take 5 or 6 weeks to start working for various reasons. For me it didn't numb my feelings or make me feel happy, it just made everything feel a little easier. Like one day I woke up and it didn't feel as difficult to get out of bed or I wanted to do something other than hide away on my own.

The important things is to be honest with your GP is something is or isn't working. When I went for my first appointment I wrote everything down which was good because I sat in the chair and immediately burst into tears.

OP - that’s sounds exactly like me, although not so bad at the moment. The low level feeling of anxiety, crying, etc. I went on ADs for a while and they definitely helped. I think I took them for about 8 or 9 months, and then stopped as I was feeling good but it was affecting my sleep. I think they had a lasting effect although recently I haven’t been feeling so great but that’s probably down to the current situation and dealing with lots of stressful stuff.

I'm already sleeping really badly, so at least I'm not worrying too much about meds affecting sleep. They can't possibly make it worse!

I was on paroxetine for a long time, problem free. My GP decided that it would be a good idea to change it as it's an old drug not prescribed much any more. He put me on citalopram but it didn't agree with me at all, gave me awful palpitations and I couldn't sleep. I insisted on going back on paroxetine which works really well for me with zero side effects and keeps me feeling 'normal'.

DS, who's 25, has just weaned himself off venlafaxine. It did the job and his depression has lifted, but it was an absolute bugger to come off it. He says he wouldn't take that one again if he ever needs to go back on them.

There are lots of options, your GP will work with you to find the right one for you. You might have to try a couple.

Do talk to your husband, a problem shared and all that... Also, because your depression sounds like it's situational, counselling might help a lot.

When you first go your GP will probably give you a little questionnaire, I think it was 10 or 15 questions where the answer ranged from never to every day. Disturbed sleep was definitely one (although I had hypersomnia), feeling down, change in appetite, concentration, worrying etc. It's just to assess you and then you might be asked to complete it again at a later appointment to see if there's any progress.

I feel very similar Op, the plug hole analogy is particularly fitting for me. I look in the mirror and I no longer see myself, I see someone who no longer enjoys life, has no friends, no job and has nothing to look forward too. I basically assist my sons home learning (school closed, not in the UK) feed everyone, wash up x 1000 times a day, cook and clean and that's it. I've felt this way for about 5 years, I was medicated but had to stop due to living in a country with terrible medical services and zero decent medical supplies. I've felt like this since leaving the UK and at the same time being diagnosed with an IBD. Too many life changes at once. I do often wake up feeling positive then something will happen (like an email from my sons teacher informing me of him not attending a lesson etc or our house in the UK needs a need boiler) and I feel like there's no point to it anymore. I did go back to the UK for a year but my friendship group had moved on and the job I got was terrible so I know that's not the answer either. It saddens me.

I should add, I've felt low level depression for 5 years, but at the moment I feel particularly useless and dull.

Thank you again! I've booked an appointment with the GP for tomorrow. I am a bit nervous about what to expect though. I'm sure they are going to think that I am just a bit of a wimp!