Boyfriends drinking habits - baby on the way

[Freddie15VES]

Hi guys,

Sorry if this is about to be a long post. To start with I’m 20 weeks pregnant with our first baby.

My boyfriend of 7 years has always liked a drink, which I also did too! However I grew out of it and never felt like I had to drink everyday. Whereas he does. I find empty beer cans in his office ‘hidden’. He says he’s not hiding them but they’re always in a cupboard in a bag or tucked under somewhere where it’s not noticeable. When I mention it to him he goes horrible with me.

In the past he’s had moments where he’s said he needs to change and stop drinking everyday - he even cried on me at one point asking for help. He said to nag him and bring it up with him but when I do he’s horrible to me and I’m not his mum! I love him to bits and he’s so great in so many other ways. I just don’t know what to do about this, I’m constantly finding bags of beer cans or beer cans stuffed down the side of the sofa! To me it’s not normal behaviour! A few years back I threatened to leave him over it...he went to stay at his parents house for a few nights and I found out he'd been drinking there even though we were on the brink of breaking up over it! I feel like a second thought all the time and I don’t want our son to ever feel like I do!

Am I being hormonal and over reacting?

pointythings is right. I wouldn't bother with the ultimatum. Being a single parent is a million times easier than raising kids with an alcoholic. Leave before the baby is born, you owe it to the baby and to yourself. It's that black and white.

Leave. An ultimatum is pointless. He needs to decide, unpressured, not to drink. Otherwise he's doing it for you, and it won't last.

I'd have a very clear conversation with him, and only ask him questions. 'Are you ever going to give up drinking? When? How do you think your drinking is going to affect your parenting abilities? How do you think your drinking is going to affect our child?'

If he minimises, leave. Your child will not be raised by 2 healthy parents. If he realises it will affect your baby, but doesn't intend to stop, leave. That's just his own selfish priorities being more important than his child.

If he recognises from answering the questions you ask that he needs to change something, say, ok, and see what he does for a few weeks. Don't judge him. Just observe. If he takes steps, there's hope. If he says 'We've got AGES yet before baby comes!', then he's not recognising the issue. Leave.

Sorry, I started with 'Leave', but meant 'Most likely, you'll have to leave.'

There may be hope of you staying together.

So you knew he was a drinker and felt he had a drink problem so you decided a baby would be a good idea..... I agree it seems unfair that you've gotten into this situation with eyes wide open knowing he is alcohol dependent and will likely now have to not only leave him but leave with his child, but that is probably what you have to do for the well-being of your baby. If this has been going on for years he isn't going to get sober in the next 4 months

Your post makes no sense, asking am I hormonal? What were you last time when you split up over it, and he drank his way through it and you took him back and decided to have a baby with him?

You need to protect your child, he cannot ever be left alone with rhem, ever. There is too big a risk, you can’t knowingly leave a drunk alone with a child. They are not in control, the alcohol is. No matter how they appear.

This is simoly the price to be paid when having a child with a drinking alcoholic.

It changes immediately on having a child. It ceases to be about you or how much you love him, and becomes about protecting the child, both physically and mentally, and limiting the level of chaotic environment they are being raised in.