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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry at my family because they made me feel guilty about being pregnant.

45 replies

mrsmrt1981 · 16/11/2020 16:45

I only have a small family with just a couple of people, everyone else is either NC or dead. My grandmother was the first person I told when I found out I was pregnant and instead of giving her congratulations, she expressed concern that my auntie and her dp will be jealous. She tried to prepare me for the possibility of a miscarriage as it still quite early, and even pulled me up on an abortion I had many years ago. As if that’s at all relevant... it was all abit strange but nothing in comparison for what was about to unfold.

I didn’t miscarriage, and I am starting to show so the time had come to tell my auntie. She lives far away and I only see her once or twice a year but I was worried she’d see pictures on FB, etc so I decided it was better to tell her myself. She’s been with her dp for almost four years and I know they have been trying for a baby. I did feel bad for them and that’s why I put off telling her but I can’t keep it a secret forever.

I told her via messenger as I don’t see her often, and she proceeded to block me. No congratulations, no nothings. I was shocked, but I just left it at that hoping if I give her time she will come round. But it didn’t stop there. She managed to get on my Gran’s FB and sent me nasty messages posing as my gran saying things like ‘you’re a selfish girl, etc’. She then sent a nasty picture of her DP giving the middle finger before proceeding to block me on my Gran’s account. I have spoken to my gran who has no knowledge of any of this. My gran says she wishes I’d never said anything in the first place and asked me how I would feel if the roles were reversed. I ended up feeling really guilty for just being pregnant but now I am silently seething as being made to feel this way..

OP posts:
oiwiththepoodlesalready83 · 16/11/2020 20:16

You’re better off without them OP, surround yourself with people who are happy for you and your lovely news. Congratulations on the pregnancy

PinkiOcelot · 16/11/2020 20:16

Wow. Horrible people!!

nicky7654 · 16/11/2020 20:18

Your Auntie sounds vile!! I'd have no issue never seeing/communicating with her ever again!!!

LG101 · 16/11/2020 20:23

I’m so sorry! I’ve been in a similar situation and sent a few people I knew had been trying for a baby for years messages as that’s better than face to face. Said they didn’t need to reply and we haven’t really talked about it since. They didn’t congratulate me (which I get) but they weren’t rude and horrible either. It’s completely out of order and to be honest I would distance myself, you don’t need that in your life.

Yes if the roles were reversed you would be upset, I’ve also been there and I cried for a full day straight when a family member told me they were pregnant. But I was never horrible and after a couple of days / it had sunk in I was better about their news

livinlavida · 16/11/2020 20:30

Your family are utter bellends. I am so sorry they made you feel this way. Congratulations on your baby ❤️

mrsmrt1981 · 16/11/2020 20:33

Thankyou all! My family are pretty messed up hence being NC with most of them. It saddens me but I am definitely going NC with auntie. Good to know Ianbu. My gran has always been like this, and I have just learned to accept her the way she is. I don’t want to go NC with her but I will need to set firm boundaries. DH’s parents have been fine congratulated us like normal people. x

OP posts:
firesong · 16/11/2020 20:37

Urgh. Are they alcoholics or something? They must have been pissed to have sent pics with middle fingers up?! Really pathetic, and no, after that I would not want anything to do with them. Make your own lovely family.

And CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!

Ivy455 · 16/11/2020 20:38

Oh my god. I'm actually speechless. What toxic people they are. Oh and the abortion part REALLY annoyed me - so if you have an abortion are you never allowed to conceive again then? You're well shot of them. I'm probably going to get slated for this comment but it's probably for the best if they never have kids as they are clearly abusive and unstable people.

firesong · 16/11/2020 20:41

I don't understand people who won't congratulate someone else when they are struggling to conceive either. The pregnant person has to tell people at some point and if they are sensitive and tell you in private, then failing to congratulate a friend or relative is very unkind.

blubberyboo · 16/11/2020 20:46

You need to protect your child from these unhinged people. It’s awful to say but I’m glad they can’t have a child as this would be a toxic environment to grow up in.
Surround yourself with loving people only

cardswapping · 16/11/2020 20:55

YANBU. I think them not being in your life will be a positive.

Tistheseason17 · 16/11/2020 21:02

Just prioritise your new family - forget them.

FlushiTheSnowman · 16/11/2020 21:05

Honestly I’d go NC with them both. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Jeschara · 16/11/2020 21:06

Congratulations on the baby, the vile one was your Aunts husband giving you the finger, sad, immature idiot.

PaperTowels · 16/11/2020 21:09

I will say this as gently as I can - your granny and your aunty are fucking weirdos.

Silverstripe · 16/11/2020 21:10

Your family are awful - I’m so sorry. It honestly sounds like you’re better off without them. It must be so hard though - you have my sympathy Flowers

PaperTowels · 16/11/2020 21:10

Oh yeah, and as for your Aunty's husband - FUCKING WEIRDO!!

chickenyhead · 16/11/2020 21:13

OP you deserve better and you amazing baby will deserve better too.

You really won't ever change people like that, it's who they are. No matter how much they make you try, you will never get what you need from such self absorbed assholes.

Make your DCs life better than you have had to suffer. Let them know that they are enough just the way they are. No conditions.

Sometimes NC is a relief.

MondeoFan · 17/11/2020 06:22

That is so immature and with some nastiness thrown in for good measure. I'm be so angry if I was you, more angry than I am upset

StCharlotte · 17/11/2020 08:33

This is their issue not yours. My family breed like rabbits. There are probably more unplanned babies than planned (even I was unplanned Grin). Me? Not a sniff. With every pregnancy announcement I die a little inside but no one would ever know. I enthusiastically congratulate everyone, albeit through gritted teeth. No way would I make someone feel bad about it.

I think it's better to have no family than toxic family. Good luck with your pregnancy and baby Smile

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