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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry at my family because they made me feel guilty about being pregnant.

45 replies

mrsmrt1981 · 16/11/2020 16:45

I only have a small family with just a couple of people, everyone else is either NC or dead. My grandmother was the first person I told when I found out I was pregnant and instead of giving her congratulations, she expressed concern that my auntie and her dp will be jealous. She tried to prepare me for the possibility of a miscarriage as it still quite early, and even pulled me up on an abortion I had many years ago. As if that’s at all relevant... it was all abit strange but nothing in comparison for what was about to unfold.

I didn’t miscarriage, and I am starting to show so the time had come to tell my auntie. She lives far away and I only see her once or twice a year but I was worried she’d see pictures on FB, etc so I decided it was better to tell her myself. She’s been with her dp for almost four years and I know they have been trying for a baby. I did feel bad for them and that’s why I put off telling her but I can’t keep it a secret forever.

I told her via messenger as I don’t see her often, and she proceeded to block me. No congratulations, no nothings. I was shocked, but I just left it at that hoping if I give her time she will come round. But it didn’t stop there. She managed to get on my Gran’s FB and sent me nasty messages posing as my gran saying things like ‘you’re a selfish girl, etc’. She then sent a nasty picture of her DP giving the middle finger before proceeding to block me on my Gran’s account. I have spoken to my gran who has no knowledge of any of this. My gran says she wishes I’d never said anything in the first place and asked me how I would feel if the roles were reversed. I ended up feeling really guilty for just being pregnant but now I am silently seething as being made to feel this way..

OP posts:
CMM4 · 16/11/2020 18:43

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. That's absolutely awful. Me and my DH have been trying for years and yeh when someone else in the family is pregnant (and I have a big family) it's been hard for us but we've never begrudged them or been nasty. We've been really happy for them, just sad that it's not happening for us.

It's up to you what you do and I know that family are family and you might not want to be NC with your auntie and your gran but if it were me I'd go NC with the auntie (particularly after the abusive messages) and I'd think carefully about continuing a relationship with your gran who seems to have been unable to be happy for you, her grandchild.

Fundamental point here - this is not your fault. They are at fault here - not you or your baby!

Congratulations on being pregnant and all the best for you and your new baby!

CuntyMcBollocks · 16/11/2020 18:57

How have some people even voted YABU?! Shock None of this is your fault and your aunt needs to grow the hell up. What does she expect you to do, keep your child a secret for the rest of his/her life? If she's that immature and horrible then you are better off without her and her partner in your life. Congratulations by the way Flowers

Leaannb · 16/11/2020 18:59

Your family are thats. Time to finish cutting out the toxicity

Leaannb · 16/11/2020 19:00

@CMM4

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. That's absolutely awful. Me and my DH have been trying for years and yeh when someone else in the family is pregnant (and I have a big family) it's been hard for us but we've never begrudged them or been nasty. We've been really happy for them, just sad that it's not happening for us.

It's up to you what you do and I know that family are family and you might not want to be NC with your auntie and your gran but if it were me I'd go NC with the auntie (particularly after the abusive messages) and I'd think carefully about continuing a relationship with your gran who seems to have been unable to be happy for you, her grandchild.

Fundamental point here - this is not your fault. They are at fault here - not you or your baby!

Congratulations on being pregnant and all the best for you and your new baby!

You don't think the things Granny said were abusive?
Blossomhill4 · 16/11/2020 19:01

Sorry to say OP. But it sounds like your better off without the aunt and your gran too!

Like you said what were you meant to do? It’s not your fault someone is struggling to conceive congratulations on your baby!

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 16/11/2020 19:03

I can see why lots of them are NC.. I think you should escape next!

Lollypop701 · 16/11/2020 19:04

So, you were not supposed to have a child because your aunt possibly can’t have them????? Or hide your child???? Sounds like your aunt needs mental help tbh. Congratulations op, ignore and enjoy your pregnancy and if that means no contact then it’s their loss

PasstheBucket89 · 16/11/2020 19:05

Jesus, horrors the pair of them, there is no excuse for any of that, id go no contact and tell everyone in the family why!

liveitwell · 16/11/2020 19:05

Wow your auntie is a nasty person. I've been through losses and would never have reacted at all like she has. She should be shamed.

Big congratulations, don't let anyone get you down. You'll love motherhood.

Ughmaybenot · 16/11/2020 19:07

Oh how nasty!! Fuck the pair of them (the three of them I guess including your aunties pathetic DP... the middle finger, really?!) you’d be so much better off without their childish toxicity in your life.

OwlOne · 16/11/2020 19:09

Oh wow, what a lack of emotional maturity on your aunts part!! Congratulations btw

People can behave v badly. I had a womann tell me it wasnt fair i was pregnant because i wasnt married. She was married and trying. I was flooored by that. But she was trying to hurt me to feel better.

Blocking you without even a message of explanation first is extremely rude.

OwlOne · 16/11/2020 19:10

Id give your grandma a wide berth too

goldielockdown2 · 16/11/2020 19:45

Absolutely not! The only appropriate response to pregnancy news is 'congratulations'

formerbabe · 16/11/2020 19:48

Their behaviour sounds unhinged...wtf!

Aquamarine1029 · 16/11/2020 19:51

Cut them completely out of your life. With relatives like that you don't need any enemies.

RightOnTheEdge · 16/11/2020 20:00

Congratulations OP Flowers Flowers
I'm sorry your family have been so awful.

Winterwoollies · 16/11/2020 20:04

My god, they sound absolutely fucking poisonous. Fuck them. You do not need people like that on your life; people with absolutely no idea of how to behave.

Congratulations.

RedToothBrush · 16/11/2020 20:05

Auntie is abusive.

Gran is an enabler/minimiser who allows Auntie to be abusive by placing guilt on innocent party.

Toxic all around.

They will make you feel shit and not offer the support you cave unfortunately.

Its probably for the best you have been blocked.

Flowers
BakedTattie · 16/11/2020 20:09

Some folk are honesty just absolute dickheads. I’d cut them off and enjoy your pregnancy!

Congrats!!!

SlayDuggee · 16/11/2020 20:12

They sound awful. What do the expect you to do? Never have children because you auntie is struggling to conceived.

Don’t beg them to get back in contact with your. They have show you their true colours

Heatherjayne1972 · 16/11/2020 20:12

Going forward baby is your priority - his/her welfare must be first - physical and emotional. Neither of these women have acted civilly towards you.

I agree that you should not have a relationship ( or at very least the lowest contact ) with aunty and gran

Do you get on with your partners family ?

VettiyaIruken · 16/11/2020 20:14

You don't need any of them in your life! Only have the people who love you!

AlwaysCheddar · 16/11/2020 20:15

Ignore them, and kept them away from your baby

Oreservoir · 16/11/2020 20:15

Your family sound deranged op.
If your aunt was upset she could have just ignored your message and carried on with her life.
Have you got a supportive dp?
You need to think of yourself and ignore your toxic relatives.

Redred2429 · 16/11/2020 20:16

Hope you are ok op

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