AIBU?
to expect that friends will realise that now I'm working...
Quadrophenia · 17/10/2007 20:30
I have less time to socialise, be there, and look after their children. Have been a SAHM for 4 years, have just gone back to work part time. if i'm honest I'm finding it more draining than i expected, I have four children and when i'm not at work i want to unwind. But i'm finding the constatnt trying to fit people in really hard and am feeling resentful when i really don't want to. For exapmle last week, had three days off, my fourth child has just started school, on all of those three days i had friends invite themselves round with their children who are either of pre school age or not at school for reasons of poorliness. I love my friends, they are great people, but i really wish i didn't have to spell things out to them. Should i expect eple to understand, or should i just tell them.
bonkerz · 17/10/2007 20:35
I have the opposite problem to you! I have just given up full time work and have become a SAHM. In 7 weeks i have had 1 day where i have had nothing to do! People ring me now because i can do little jobs etc. I know they think they are helping because i said i would be bored BUT hinestly i havent stopped! As it stands i have no plans for tomorrow at all BUt i know i will get a phone call in morning to do a favour for someone and i cant say no!!!
Maybe its us who have the problem and we need to be stronger!!!!!
((runs off to practice saying.........SORRY I CANT TODAY.........in the mirror!))
ChantillyLace · 17/10/2007 20:37
YANBU bit of both with regards to telling them or expecting them to understand. Sometimes it is really hard to get down time. But you really do need it. Do you find it hard to say no or do they just turn up unannounced?
Think you need to publicly announce the day you most definitely will NOT be available for visitors!
I have had to do the same and people now know to stay away on that one day a week and noone minds, they just dont think or they assume you need company.
notnowbernard · 17/10/2007 20:37
Be honest - if you've got a day off and you really don't want to do anything, say so. Am sure they'll understand. Have done this myself. I work pt and have 2 kids. I love catching up with everyone but at least once or twice a fortnight I like to have a day where I've nothing planned.
My friends know me as a bit of a slob-out queen, though
scarybee · 17/10/2007 20:40
Oh no! The people popping by syndrome. This is why I never encourage this. You need to be really tough and hard-arsed - tis the only way. Can you call them and tell them how busy you are?
I sympathise - I have just gone back to work with one DS and I am absolutely exhausted!
ChantillyLace · 17/10/2007 20:44
It is difficult to say no, but it is so important you get this time alone. Cant you text them and say "on ...day next week I won't be around, feel free to pop in any other time" or something similar.
I did end up snapping at a "just thought I'd call in for coffee" friend, I'd just run a bath and they didnt leave even when I told them that!
ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 17/10/2007 20:47
My friends try this with me too.
You are obviously being far too good a host.
If I'm not in the mood I'm just honest and tell them I can't be arsed today but will catch up another time. (suggest a girls night out instead of them all being at your house with their kids in tow).
My friends still talk to me and understand (at least I think they do....unless they all secretly talk about me behind my back....)
scarybee · 17/10/2007 20:51
Okay, you need to do the shameless manipulation technique. And that is to tell people you are falling apart. That you are not coping and that you need some space or you're going to implode/take to drink/run away. They will feel so guilty that they will bugger off. You need them to feel sorry for you.
When you start feeling better, you can reinstate them. And no one will be upset because it's your mental health that was the problem.
Honestly - sounds drastic but sometimes you have to protect yourself before you truly do fall to pieces.
ThePhantomToiletFlusher · 17/10/2007 20:57
Yes Quad, honesty is best. Also, at any given opportunity say things like
"ooh its lovely having days now when the kids are at school, I can get on and do things and the house doesn't get messy" and "its really hard fitting eveything I need to do in my days off now I'm working.." etc etc..it'll sow the right seeds in their minds.
Roughly translated these sentences mean "Stop bringing your kids round to mine on my days off, I really don't need it....go and mess your own houses up"
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