Why is it always me?

[ForeveronEtsy]

Have had the dreaded call from nursery and dd3 has to isolate for 2 weeks.
What has annoyed me is that it automatically falls on me to take the time off? Does this mean I have to every time she has to isolate? We Skyped PILs and MIL commented ‘well if anyone is going to work it will have to be dp won’t it’
Why? Because I’m the mum, my career is less important? FYI, we both work in the NHS.
It has really got my back up and I needed a rant. So not so much of an AIBU as I know I’m not

Who earns the most money? Can either of you work from home?

You need to sit down with your DH and sort out something that’s fair to both of you. Ignore PILs - they’re just talking from a past generation pov

YANBU if you're going to change the status quo and insist that DH does his fair share. YABU if you're just having a moan and won't do anything about it.

He earns more. I can work from home (but not with a 3 year old in tow). So means I have to either use my annual leave or work at night once dd has gone to bed (dp works long days). I really struggled last lockdown with trying to juggle and ended up off sick for 8 weeks

I know we need to discuss it, just tired of arguing over covid

My DH told me that he would never take time off his job if the kids were sick. I should have gone then and there.

It is the automatic presumption from everyone that it will be me, that annoys me.
I should add that it means me cancelling contacts with patients as I am a lone worker. This wouldn’t happen with dp, as he works at the hospital and there would be other staff to cover.

Can you do a week each ?

Ah yes. Default parent status. Absolute bullshit.
Congratulations madam! With your lovely pair of tits comes the fact that everyone at all times will approach you first about issues with your child, from question why he’s crying as a baby to being the first choice for childcare in all situations.
As a bonus you’ll also get referred to as ‘mum’ as though shoving a child put your fanny is the only accomplishment worthy of note despite the fact you have a sodding PHD.
I feel your pain OP!

A week each would make more sense!

I will be proposing a week each
@Onekidnoclue as depressing as it is, that made me giggle

I've always done 50:50 sick days with dp regardless of who earns more. I would be fully pissed off if my dp felt my career was less important than his.

Well if you can work from home and he cant then yeah obviously it should be you, it would he a waste of money otherwise.
Use of paid holidays should be split for childcare so you both end up with the same amount.
Use of unpaid leave should be you because you're losing less money that way.

@Nottherealslimshady

Well if you can work from home and he cant then yeah obviously it should be you, it would he a waste of money otherwise. Use of paid holidays should be split for childcare so you both end up with the same amount. Use of unpaid leave should be you because you're losing less money that way.

She can't work from home with the child though.

Well if you can work from home and he cant then yeah obviously it should be you, it would he a waste of money otherwise.
Except she actually needs to work - she’s not sitting waiting to be called on for childcare. I’d do week about and he can care for his child while you do the job that helps pay the bills.

Ignore PILs - they’re just talking from a past generation pov

It is not a generational thing at all, just stupidity.

I am nearly seventy and was a single mother, so doesn't apply, but my friends who were married took turns to take time off when a child was sick.

I also see loads of people here posting about whether or not their DP or DH HELPS with the housework or childcare. We knew better than to talk like that over forty years ago.

This younger generation are a disgrace. Even if her husband earns more money, why should the OP have to risk her job by always being the person who takes time off?

In terms of losing money, I work for NHS and we get paid leave if we or a child has to isolate. Am on my second period of having a child isolating from school and my days off are paid at full pay. I offered to take some AL as circumstances this time round mean that DH can't take his share of time off and was told not to.

In terms of losing money, I work for NHS and we get paid leave if we or a child has to isolate

That might be your trust's policy but it's not across the service.

Its you because you don't earn as much

I think you need to decide between you how to cover this period, if you are both able to take a week annual leave that seems the fairest way, however if the leave needs to be taken as unpaid then it makes sense for you to take the 2 weeks off as your DH earns more.

I earn more than DH so in your situation I would continue to work and DH would take the time off.

What have you done up till now? I presume at 3yo your DD must have had her fair share of bugs and childhood lurgies.

propose a week each and make sure your DH does the first week so something can't come up to stop him doing his part

Have you spoken to DH yet? What would be best for the family?

As for your MIL she should keep her beak out.

I had similar conversation with my MIL when our childcare fell through and we need an hour of childcare cover while both of use were commuting to/from work.

I’ve said to her that our children have 2 parents not just mother (me)

She tried to tell me he couldn’t possibly be half an hour late for work and I said I refuse to engage into this conversation when DH hasn’t asked at work yet.

It is generational thing in some cases but when MIL was a SAHM and 1 income was enough to keep everybody fed and clothed it’s sadlynot the case anymore.

@Hayeahnobut That surprises me - I thought pay and conditions were universally applied in the NHS

Don't be part of this assumption. When nursery ring, politely ask them to call your husband - I have done this with school. Just don't go along with it all. By going along with it your employer is just there to facilitate your husband's career.