Why is it always me?

[ForeveronEtsy]

Have had the dreaded call from nursery and dd3 has to isolate for 2 weeks.
What has annoyed me is that it automatically falls on me to take the time off? Does this mean I have to every time she has to isolate? We Skyped PILs and MIL commented ‘well if anyone is going to work it will have to be dp won’t it’
Why? Because I’m the mum, my career is less important? FYI, we both work in the NHS.
It has really got my back up and I needed a rant. So not so much of an AIBU as I know I’m not

What has annoyed me is that it automatically falls on me to take the time off

Why ?

My dc are grown now, but we took turns. Not always one day each - it would depend what we were each doing that could be more easily shifted, but definitely with the overall plan that, across the years we each pulled our weight as parents.

I'm surprised at the assertion that the higher paid shouldn't take time off. What is the point of rising the ranks to seniority if you can't use that to benefit your family.
Also, most businesses operate fine if the MD has a day off. If the caretaker or the receptionist are off though, you don't have a business!

Yep always been the same in our house too. At one time we were both NHS too, we both had patients booked specifically to see us. I was the one expected to cancel my clinics or find someone else to cover. Dh couldn’t possibly cancel or be replaced - he’s clearly fucking indispensable

Needs a discussion with your DP I think.

I am a bit perplexed that people think the higher earner shouldn't have to take time off. It is only going to perpetuate the pay imbalance if one of them has to shoulder all the burden of having time off and having to rearrange their work for child care.

Why can't he use annual leave or work nights? Surely earnings doesn't matter if annual leave is being used!?

@Nicketynac

In terms of losing money, I work for NHS and we get paid leave if we or a child has to isolate. Am on my second period of having a child isolating from school and my days off are paid at full pay. I offered to take some AL as circumstances this time round mean that DH can't take his share of time off and was told not to.

That’s great! I have only been given 2 days carers leave, the rest I need to take as A/L (or unpaid)

@BackforGood

What has annoyed me is that it automatically falls on me to take the time off

Why ?

My dc are grown now, but we took turns. Not always one day each - it would depend what we were each doing that could be more easily shifted, but definitely with the overall plan that, across the years we each pulled our weight as parents.

Why? Because it is annoying. Why should mums always be the default option?

In answer to some others. I have spoke to dp and he is taking 2 days A/L this week. He doesn’t work nights.
@missyB1 it’s so frustrating. There is bitterness there that his job is always viewed as superior to mine.
Interesting comments thanks all.

This is something that should have been discussed after you had her, how to sort the sickness days. For individual days off sick we have a 'who has the most important meeting' discussion and if that doesn't work we just take it in turns. For self isolation it's split 50-50.

I'm NHS and my husband is public sector. He isn't an arse through and he respects my job and treats me as an equal.

Thanks @NerrSnerr, very helpful

@ForeveronEtsy sorry that was massively unhelpful wasn't it. It's just frustrating to see women used as the default.

My parents and in-laws all think my husband has the most important job too but he does tell them that's not the case.

@ForeveronEtsy I have the same.

DH earns more than me but I am public facing whereas the vast majority of his meetings are internal. People rely on me.

He took one day off the whole of the first lockdown whilst I looked after the DC and fitted my work around them.

He talks the talk - says all the right things but then never manages to deliver. "Of course your job is important, it's just this week is literally the worst week for me to take time off" on repeat. It is always the wrong time.

His mother fully expects me to take time off if the DC are sick - each time I have gone back to work after maternity leave I insisted that for the first 9 months he dealt with the sick days (only fair, right?) but each time he would call his mum and she would come running. I call her? No way would she help. (This is pre Covid!).

I have now used all of my annual leave for the year and he is fully aware that he needs to deal with two weeks' holiday over Christmas and any isolation periods if they occur. I have done my bit and he still has 3 weeks' leave to take.

Why? Because it is annoying. Why should mums always be the default option?

No, you've misinterpreted what I meant. Sorry if I wasn't clear.
My "Why?" is to the statement that "mums always be the default option?"

It is the 'default option' bit I am questioning. Of course Mums shouldn't always be the default option, and they aren't in all relationships. All parents need to establish this from the first time they need to take time off 'for being a parent'.