AIBU to be cross about running out of fuel?

[Dogscanteatonions]

When DP and I are going somewhere in the car together he usually drives as he gets car sick when not driving.

We used my car all weekend (not in England so no travel restrictions) and did a few small ish journeys, passed petrol stations a number of times.

Got in my car this morning, literally drove down two streets then ran out of petrol. Luckily I limped half into a space so not entirely blocking the road. If it had been the bit further back I would have had to push it down the road to get it in a bit otherwise it would have completely blocked an entire road as it's narrow.

I called DP who came with fuel but he didn't even apologise at first. His take was it's one of those things and it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

I said it's not one of those things it's completely avoidable and that if he's driving the car it's his responsibility to know it needs fuel putting in. my car tells you exactly how many miles you've got left in the tank. I have only run out of fuel once in my life before now and that was years ago when I'd not long passed my test. I never let my car get that low.

What also makes me very crosses that this morning he offered his bank card to me to get fuel - I was a bit bemused as we hadn't done loads of mileage and it isn't something we normally do as these things work themselves out. Obviously now I know he did it because he knew I was really really low on fuel and was probably a bit worried.

AIBU to be cross? The lack of apology irked my hugely too. He did apologise but only after he saw I was cross.

YANBU. It appears the gauges were giving correct information. He should have refuelled when it ran low.

@Trisolaris

YANBU I would be fuming too! (Not straight away but when he didn’t apologise)

The number of people here who are basically telling you just to act like his mum and assume you need to check that he can act like a responsible adult. This is why women end up with disproportionate emotional labour!

I honestly was cross but wouldn't have said much if he'd just bloody apologised when he turned up. Not saying sorry pushed me over the edge tbh.

@roarfeckingroarr

These things happen. Why make a big deal?

These things don't happen to me. I don't run out of fuel

That would annoy me too , he wouldn't be driving my car again .
I honestly do not get how people can drive around with a flashing petrol light and not call for petrol on a journey then the car breaks down .
Like you say fortunately at least you didn't block a road does your dh not understand how dangerous it was ? .
I'm sorry it's not one of those things unless you live 100s of miles away from a petrol station you shouldn't be running out of fuel .

@Dogscanteatonions
Totally with you on that! If someone messes up but you can see their genuine remorse and they try and fix it, it’s hard to stay angry. When they are super relaxed and don’t apologise for what they’ve done, ooh my blood boils!

@roarfeckingroarr

These things happen. Why make a big deal?

How ? I'm curious the petrol light comes on you get petrol. I don't understand making life difficult for yourself thinking it'll be ok then having to walk to a petrol station causing inconvenience. No not for me

He just expects you to sort his shit out.
That's the dynamic of the relationship.

You need to stop doing anything which enables him to be incompetent.

I'm sorry it's not one of those things unless you live 100s of miles away from a petrol station you shouldn't be running out of fuel .

I think the further away you live, the less likely it is you will run out. We had somebody from London knock on the door once who had run out of petrol and couldn't believe that the nearest open petrol station was 30 miles away. Luckily we had some spare.

@DynamoKev

Being "cross" always sounds like something from Enid Blyton to me but YANBU

It's the Oxford Reading Tree for me! It seems like every other page said 'Mum was cross' :D.

OP: I hate when my DP uses my car because although he's never let it empty, he doesn't immediately fuel up when the light comes on - and I fill up as soon as it beeps at me. I would have thought it was polite to keep the car fuelled if you've been using it.

I'd say you were right if he had been using the car alone but since you were with him I'd say you had equal responsibility for checking the fuel level.

If you were driving together and you knew you only had 100m left, I'd probably have suggested grabbing fuel on the way back one day. So he is more at fault, but not massively so as yes he was the driver, but in your car that you were in too.

Running out of fuel is not "one of those things" that could happen to anyone. It should never happen unless there are extraordinary circumstances. I have never run out of fuel in over 30 years of driving.

I think it’s a duel responsibility thing. If you knew it was only on 100 miles and had been used a bit for the weekend then I would have checked.

She wasn't the driver over the weeked, by the first time she sat in the drivers seat there was already insufiicent fuel to make it to a petrol station. The only way she could have prevented the problem is lean in front of his face to look at the guages while he was driving. That's hardly reasonable.

I'd be fuming I think.

My DH took a couple of his friends on a weekend road trip in my car once. Ran out of fuel on the motorway at about 2am on his way home and had to call me in the middle of the night for my AA callout details. I was decidedly not amused.

The only reason I didn't get really annoyed was that he was really stressed, was completely exhausted when he finally got home, and has form for learning effectively from his own mistakes.

I suspect my incredulous question "You ran out of fuel??" also told him everything he needed to know about what I thought.

These things happen. Why make a big deal?

In 22 years of driving this has never happened to me. DH and I drive each others cars fairly often and neither of us has ever done this to the other.

I'd be pissed off too, OP, and fail to see why you should be put out by your DH's stupid and lazy choices. He knew the fuel gauge was on zero when he drove it, he chose to come home and ignore it, his fault entirely.

Aforementioned family member ran out of fuel in their own car after a long day out. Rang me up late at night to collect them. I didn't hear the phone as I was fast asleep.

Some people never learn.

I go by how many miles I've driven since I last filled up.

I feel your pain!

Dh has some kind of weird aversion to putting fuel in the tank, and in particular to filling it right up. I think it stems from years of living on the breadline and scraping together a fiver to bet to his next destination.

He will use my car, put in a small amount of fuel and return it with 30 miles left in the tank. I know that sounds a fair bit, but when I'm running late to drive to meeting an hour away, the last thing I have time for is an unexpected trip to the petrol garage.

Everything in our life is usually fine, but these are 2 unfortunate traits that rub up against each other - he never fills the tank up, and I never leave early enough!

She wasn't the driver over the weeked, by the first time she sat in the drivers seat there was already insufiicent fuel to make it to a petrol station. The only way she could have prevented the problem is lean in front of his face to look at the guages while he was driving. That's hardly reasonable.

Yeah but OP knew roughly how much fuel was left before they used the car for quite a few journeys over the weekend. I would completely agree with OP had her DH borrowed her car and returned it empty, but they were both in the car to know how much driving had been done.

Also, by the logic that her DH should have noticed the fuel level was low by looking at the gauge while he was driving home, surely the same goes for OP herself when she first got in the car to start her own journey? The petrol light was surely on.

ALSO again, surely DP offering his card to get fuel was an indicator that the car might need fuel?!

My husband has a few times used my car to the point of the petrol light being on (I walk to work so can go quite a few days without using it) and it drives me absolutely hopping mad!

We are at opposite ends of the spectrum where I would never leave it below a quarter of a tank and he thinks when the light is on “there is miles left in that”.

I always say to him it shows a lack of care about “us” as I might need to get to the hospital urgently and be stuck. I did recently have to take my son to A&E to be checked over - had to get petrol on the way (at midnight) and was fuming - it won’t change him. He does care though, and would do anything for us - he’s just very annoying.

@Bibidy

She wasn't the driver over the weeked, by the first time she sat in the drivers seat there was already insufiicent fuel to make it to a petrol station. The only way she could have prevented the problem is lean in front of his face to look at the guages while he was driving. That's hardly reasonable.

Yeah but OP knew roughly how much fuel was left before they used the car for quite a few journeys over the weekend. I would completely agree with OP had her DH borrowed her car and returned it empty, but they were both in the car to know how much driving had been done.

Also, by the logic that her DH should have noticed the fuel level was low by looking at the gauge while he was driving home, surely the same goes for OP herself when she first got in the car to start her own journey? The petrol light was surely on.

ALSO again, surely DP offering his card to get fuel was an indicator that the car might need fuel?!

As I've already said I knew as soon as I started the car that the fuel gauge was on zero. DP had already left for work so I attempted to drive to the petrol station which is less than half a mile away. I had no idea how long the gauge had been zero but hoped there was enough to get me there. Clearly he'd been driving in zero for a while for there to be nothing in it at all.

When DP offered his card to get fuel I was bemused as it's not something we do and on reflection he said that because he knew it was really empty

So basically a lot of people on here think I should have been totting up the mileage we did on the weekend (including the trip he did to help his friend with errands where I wasn't in the car) despite not being the one driving and seeing the petrol gauge each time we got in the car? Alrighty then.

Not totting up the mileage but having a basic awareness of it being nearly empty at the beginning of the weekend and using it over the weekend making it rather obvious that it needs fuel so making sense to fill it up while you're out and about at the weekend, rather than leaving it until you need to get to work on Monday morning.

If you both used it all weekend then you would know it’s low or at 0.
Should of topped up on the weekend. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Bluntly if you are not able to remember to read instruments on a car, perhaps you should not be driving at all.

I didn't drive it at all weekend. I didn't sit in the drivers seat once. If I had been driving at any point I would have put fuel in. Bizarrely i imagined my partner who saw the fuel gauge each time would have gone to the petrol station.

Because he didn't do this I imagined there was enough fuel for me to get to the petrol station in the morning

Yet again, a man does something shitty and loads of people blame the nearest woman instead of him.

I just can’t imagine having to say to a functional adult who can drive, “if the petrol light goes on, that means you need to put petrol in it”. If I said that to DH when he borrows my car he’d think I was joking or there was something wrong with me.

OP wasn’t in the car all weekend, didn’t drive it, the person who did drive it let it run completely out of petrol yet somehow it’s her fault. FFS.