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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be cross about running out of fuel?

77 replies

Dogscanteatonions · 16/11/2020 10:39

When DP and I are going somewhere in the car together he usually drives as he gets car sick when not driving.

We used my car all weekend (not in England so no travel restrictions) and did a few small ish journeys, passed petrol stations a number of times.

Got in my car this morning, literally drove down two streets then ran out of petrol. Luckily I limped half into a space so not entirely blocking the road. If it had been the bit further back I would have had to push it down the road to get it in a bit otherwise it would have completely blocked an entire road as it's narrow.

I called DP who came with fuel but he didn't even apologise at first. His take was it's one of those things and it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

I said it's not one of those things it's completely avoidable and that if he's driving the car it's his responsibility to know it needs fuel putting in. my car tells you exactly how many miles you've got left in the tank. I have only run out of fuel once in my life before now and that was years ago when I'd not long passed my test. I never let my car get that low.

What also makes me very crosses that this morning he offered his bank card to me to get fuel - I was a bit bemused as we hadn't done loads of mileage and it isn't something we normally do as these things work themselves out. Obviously now I know he did it because he knew I was really really low on fuel and was probably a bit worried.

AIBU to be cross? The lack of apology irked my hugely too. He did apologise but only after he saw I was cross.

OP posts:
keeprocking · 16/11/2020 11:59

So in your home putting in the fuel is a man-job is it? Oddly woman-jobs are frowned upon yet here we are! When did you last check the tyre pressures?

SoupDragon · 16/11/2020 12:05

I fail to see how I can be to blame when he's literally got in the car and looked at the petrol gauge each time he drove

So why didn't you notice before you set off?

Don't get me wrong - he should have filled it up and apologised but you didn't notice the fuel gauge either.

SoupDragon · 16/11/2020 12:07

Sorry, just noticed that you did see it had zero miles... then you were daft to try to get to a petrol station - your DP could have gone with the fuel can.

CandlesBlanketsandTea · 16/11/2020 12:10

How is your relationship apart from the fuel issue?

Dogscanteatonions · 16/11/2020 12:12

@keeprocking

So in your home putting in the fuel is a man-job is it? Oddly woman-jobs are frowned upon yet here we are! When did you last check the tyre pressures?
I haven't suggested anything like that! As far as I'm concerned putting in fuel is the job of the driver - sex is irrelevant. I'm way more on top of car maintenance than my DP!
OP posts:
Nottherealslimshady · 16/11/2020 12:13

I'd be fuming. He's driven on red for ages, its irresponsible and dangerous. My husband always "tells me off" if he gets in my car and I've even let it get down to red.

Dogscanteatonions · 16/11/2020 12:13

@SoupDragon

Sorry, just noticed that you did see it had zero miles... then you were daft to try to get to a petrol station - your DP could have gone with the fuel can.
The petrol station was less than half a mile away - DP had already set off for work - I hoped there was enough to get there. Most cars have a bit left in the tank when on zero bit obviously I didn't know how long it has been on zero.
OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 16/11/2020 12:22

I teally think your DH was very lazy if the petrol station was only half a mile and he didn't bother before returning home. You lucky tbe car started in the first place!

YoniAndGuy · 16/11/2020 12:28

Hang on, he has his own car?!

Then he's banned from yours. Extremely simple.

Hide the keys, end of discussion.

You're going somewhere together? You use his car, or he puts up with being sick...

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 16/11/2020 12:45

As you got in the car this morning and also didn’t notice you didn’t have much fuel was left... is there an issue with the gauge? Not sure on age of car but most make a noise or have a light flash up. As you also missed this and started your drive I wonder if you have a fault

Trisolaris · 16/11/2020 12:46

YANBU I would be fuming too! (Not straight away but when he didn’t apologise)

The number of people here who are basically telling you just to act like his mum and assume you need to check that he can act like a responsible adult. This is why women end up with disproportionate emotional labour!

LannieDuck · 16/11/2020 12:46

I've said to him he's not allowed to drive my car again if he can't take responsibility for this.

He lets his car run stupidly low and so many times he's asked to take mine as he's really low on fuel.

You're completely reasonable. If he gets inconvenienced by his car getting so low on fuel, maybe he'll start to take more care.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 16/11/2020 12:47

Missed the drip feed that you did notice

I just don’t get if you knew the miles Friday.. then knew the miles you did at the weekend you didn’t think to suggest you get fuel whilst out? I understand your dp should as driver but you were in the car to so getting cross just seems petty

Ghouliet · 16/11/2020 12:53

Why is he taking your car to run errands when he has his own? Saving petrol money for himself?

YANBU about leaving you with no fuel and swanning off to work in his. Ban him from your car and take his next time you go out together. Save him moving the seat from your usual position too.

nosswith · 16/11/2020 12:58

YANBU to be cross about this. Even if the short journeys over the weekend were those that could have been walked, not looking at the gauges including the fuel one at any point whilst starting the car or driving suggests a lack of awareness or concentration. Does he speed a lot?

billy1966 · 16/11/2020 13:10

Selfish and lazy.
He knew well.

I wouldn't trust him with my car again.

And yes, I would be well pissed off.

Dogscanteatonions · 16/11/2020 13:12

@ForTheLoveOfCatFood

Missed the drip feed that you did notice

I just don’t get if you knew the miles Friday.. then knew the miles you did at the weekend you didn’t think to suggest you get fuel whilst out? I understand your dp should as driver but you were in the car to so getting cross just seems petty

Yes I did notice instantly as soon as I got in.

I didn't know the miles driven on the weekend as I WASN'T THE ONE DRIVING and didn't think it was necessary! If I'd been the one driving I would have noticed and gone to a petrol station. I wasn't with him in the car the whole time either - as mentioned previously he went off to do errands for a friend. I want sure how much mileage had been done but appears I naively thought he might manage to add fuel when very very low

OP posts:
Plonthy · 16/11/2020 13:43

You both sound irresponsible.

And both are clearly incompetent at refuelling. No need for the tank to be dry before filling up again.

Jeez.

HundredMilesAnHour · 16/11/2020 13:58

I think you were a bit foolish OP. Your DH has a track record of running low on fuel and you knew there was only 100 miles left in your car before the weekend and the car was then used at the weekend (of which you were present for at least part of those journeys). Did it not occur to you to ask him on Sun if he had put petrol in the car? (And if he hadn't, tell him to get his backside down to the petrol station).

It may sound like I'm blaming you OP when it's actually your DH who is a complete manchild who can't be relied upon. But YOU KNOW THIS! Yet you still let him run around using your car and then you're surprised on Mon morning when your car has no fuel. He's not going to change as he's not the one being inconvenienced. So you need to either stop letting him use your car or start asking / checking that he's put petrol in. Having to treat your DH like s child isn't very attractive but your approach of wishful thinking and expecting him to take some responsibility isn't working.

flaviaritt · 16/11/2020 13:58

The fact that you were in the car during the same journeys changes it for me. When my DH and I go out together it doesn’t matter who drives. We both notice where we are with fuel.

Sleazeyjet · 16/11/2020 13:59

How can you say “we” had passed petrol stations if he was using your car?

MikeUniformMike · 16/11/2020 13:59

Typical MN replies on here. @Dogscanteatonions.

I used to let a family member borrow my car and I would get it back empty. Sometimes there would not be enough petrol in the tank to get to a petrol station.The third time I found myself walking to a petrol station with a can, my relative was removed from the insurance cover.

Petrol gauges vary, but if you see the gauge passing the empty point you need to refuel not leave it for someone else to wonder if it has only just registered as empty or if that was 45 miles back.

Refuelling is a lot less of a chore if you do it on your way home than it is to start a journey with a trip to the petrol station.

What if there had been an emergency and OP had jumped into the car only to run out of petrol a few 100 yds from home?

Sleazeyjet · 16/11/2020 14:00

Just buy one of the can things and put a gallon in it and keep it on the shed or garage.

Reedwarbler · 16/11/2020 14:14

Cars tell you ridiculously well in advance when you are low on fuel (unless you have an old or vintage vehicle). I can't understand why he didn't fill it up when he saw the warning, but I also can't understand why you decided to drive off in a vehicle with an empty tank. If the garage is only half a mile away too it would have been a simple, if rather time consuming, job to go and buy a container of petrol. You are both at fault and sound rather immature.
Why are you letting him use your car anyway? We have our own cars - I don't drive his and he doesn't drive mine. Simple. Ban him from your car from now on.

roarfeckingroarr · 16/11/2020 14:31

These things happen. Why make a big deal?

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