To be upset with my partner

[silvertogold]

We have an 16 mo little one. Our bedtime routine is always the same. I go upstairs and bath little one, my other half will do his bottle then come up when he's ready for bed and give him his bottle.

Today I asked if we should now consider moving him off formula at night time (he was low weight so we were advised to keep the formula for now and then slowly decrease by 1oz every month and replace with blue top milk. Recently he has now taken to eating really well and maintained his weight which we are thrilled with.) to which my partner said oh he's been off it for a month now.

I'm heartbroken, I feel this is a big milestone and I've missed it and the fact he didn't even discuss it with me hurts.

He says I am being unreasonable and there is no need to be annoyed with him over it because it doesn't mean anything. To me though that's a whole chapter of babyhood gone.

Is this me being unreasonable or do I have reason to be upset?

@silvertogold

Interesting. I wonder if it was breastfeeding there would be the same reaction here!

To me the end of 'baby milk' is a big deal the same as coming to the end of BF is a big deal

...did you breastfeed OP? Putting a different kind of cows milk in your baby's sippy cup is absolutely not the same as stopping breastfeeding. You weren't even the one giving him the bottle!

When I stop breastfeeding DD I’ll tell DH and I’m sure he’ll notice. I don’t understand your comparison with that.

I can see why you’re surprised he didn’t tell you but unless there’s a backstory of him making decisions about your child and excluding you then I’d let this one go.

Totally missing the point but are you meant to sterilise a sippy cup after giving formula in it? Mine just get washed up in the sink!

YABVU. It’s not even a milestone, let alone a big one. There’s really no need to be upset

YABVU - dad is v. Helpful from what you've said, and it's not a milestone. Dc is still on milk - just a different type. Please don't be hard on him. Pick your battles, OP.

Yabu
Get some sleep

Ohhhh op 😬 end of BF and swapping which milk is in a cup really isn't the same thing

But he’s still having milk at bedtime/ just a different sort of milk?

Surely the milestone is when he goes to bed without any milk?

@Dishwashersaurous

But he’s still having milk at bedtime/ just a different sort of milk?

Surely the milestone is when he goes to bed without any milk?

This - exactly this

Yabu

You must have thought that carton was like the everlasting porridge story. Never needing but a new one

But in the whole scheme, yabu and it really isn't a milestone to put in the red book is it (do they still give red books out? It's been a while..)

@silvertogold

Interesting. I wonder if it was breastfeeding there would be the same reaction here!

To me the end of 'baby milk' is a big deal the same as coming to the end of BF is a big deal

You cannot compare the two.

I agree with a pp that the milestone surely is no milk

To buy not but

I'm heartbroken, I feel this is a big milestone and I've missed it and the fact he didn't even discuss it with me hurts.

Heartbroken, really? Are you always so dramatic?

He says I am being unreasonable and there is no need to be annoyed with him over it because it doesn't mean anything. To me though that's a whole chapter of babyhood gone.

He's right. What difference does it actually make? You weren't involved in giving the nighttime bottle anyway.

Is this me being unreasonable or do I have reason to be upset?

It's you being unreasonable. 100%

I think dads have it really hard on MN - if he defers to you on all decision making he is burdening you with the mental load. If he takes on full responsibility for his child including making some parenting decisions (that fall within the remit of his responsibilities- ie giving the bedtime bottle) he is selfish. I can understand why you feel sad OP, but he is your babies dad, and you say you LO is thriving so he's done a good job with feeding (as have you.)

YABU. It’s not a milestone, is he still in nappies? Still a baby then.

@silvertogold

Interesting. I wonder if it was breastfeeding there would be the same reaction here!

To me the end of 'baby milk' is a big deal the same as coming to the end of BF is a big deal

Not at all the same thing, the end of BF transforms the life of the BF mother. (1st EBF and 2nd formula from 10 days)

Have you been barely affected by lockdown?
Do you feel that you and your baby have missed out on things?
Could you be depressed?

There must be a big backstory to this. You're reaction far from standard.

YABVU. It's really not a milestone at all.
I'm sure your DH thought he was doing the right thing and sounds like your child is thriving, which tbh is all that matters.

@silvertogold

Interesting. I wonder if it was breastfeeding there would be the same reaction here!

To me the end of 'baby milk' is a big deal the same as coming to the end of BF is a big deal

What utter nonsense.