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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to send Xmas parcel abroad to family

46 replies

BlueOceanWave · 14/11/2020 23:39

I have some family who live abroad in Australia. Some brothers and and one of them is settled with partner and child.

Every year the family at home (me, my mother and a brother) we organise a Xmas parcel with some gifts.

Every single year, without fail, my mother is always late in organising the parcel. We know Christmas is approaching and every year, she is always late. If the post recommends the last posting date to Australia is the 5/6/7th of December, my mother might just about manage for the 8/9/10/11/12 December.

She has good intentions and she does usually buy early but every year, she's not finished with her list and she always wants to add on.

This is an issue because I'm usually organised on time and I would prefer to send a parcel earlier rather than later.

It's also an issue in that, I don't have a problem organising a box but my mother always wants me to wait for her and put all our stuff in together and send one parcel - (she does this to put all the posting charges on my back and she doesnt pay a penny).

This year is a little bit different now because there's a pandemic. I'm in Ireland and we are in lockdown since October. I knew this years Christmas parcel was going to be a nightmare because of the lockdown and the non essential shops not open. Either we shop onlone or we wait for the shops to open early in December, then go shopping and send a parcel late.

I was sitting down with my mother every weekend since October with the laptop and we did some online shopping together. She's not a tech-y person and doesn't know hoelw to use a mobile phone, never mind about anything else.

We got things done. I was surprised we were so successful with the online shopping and loads of packages came in the mail and by courier with our orders. We did very well with everything. We got gifts for the one child in the family and for the rest of the family/adults abroad in Australia.

We did a lot. We have one more thing to do tomorrow - order some Christmas cards and that's it.

I was saying to my mother would have to try and aim to have the parcel sent off by November the 23rd just in case there will be delays because of the pandemic. I'm saying the 23rd in the hope the parcel/NY mother will be ready by the end of November. Definitely it does have to be gone by then.

Thing is my mother has so much shopping now but she still doesn't want to be done. She's wants to continue with more. She wants me to browse around online with her for more. Not only that, she said to me today, when the shops open again, she wants to try and go into town and get some more bits. I think she's not realising the amount of boxes and parcels and stuff that we already have and it's building in the front room and she's missing the phy3side of shopping or something. That's neither here nor there though.

We are in lockdown and the non essential shops like the gift shops and toys shops won't open until the 1st of December (that's if the government allows them to open). That indicates to me that my mother isn't planning on having anything ready to mail abroad until later on in December.

AIBU to box up my gifts and send them on time? Last Christmas was disappointing because of the bushfires. Our Christmas parcel didn't get to them until February. I would like to make an extra special effort this year and send well on time in case there's delays because of the pandemic. AIBU?

I will organise my stuff for next weekend in the hope it spurs my mother on over the following days. If not I think I will get it going by the end of November.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 14/11/2020 23:50

Send your stuff. Tell her that her parcel reaching them late probably makes it less appreciated and as the child gets older they may start to think she is a cheapskate and buying things in the Boxing Day or January sales or worse think they are being bought for as an after thought

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 15/11/2020 00:18

Why didn't you reduce the hassle and buy online and have it sent directly?

Kayakinggirl · 15/11/2020 00:19

Please send you stuff ASAP. As someone who is over seas Christmas is going to be hard enough not not seeing family.
My parents posted my presents on Friday and got told 5/6 weeks (however most things are taking about 2 months). I would try and get stuff to them tomorrow. Or if ordering online just get it posted straight to your family over seas.

katy1213 · 15/11/2020 00:25

Just send it. If your mother wants to send more, leave it to her sort out and don't get involved.
But why didn't you send it direct if you ordered online? You're paying postage twice over.

BlueOceanWave · 15/11/2020 00:34

That's something we like to do. We like putting a parcel together and sending it from home, so that's why we didn't send delivery directly to them. We did the Australian online shopping earlier in the year by focusing in on online shops from new south wales. It went OK. Definitely irish online shops and UK online shops is so much more better for choice and selection.

OP posts:
BlueOceanWave · 15/11/2020 00:40

Kayakinggirl

Thanks for your message. Are you for real with the 5/6 week delivery timeframe.

I was anticipating some delays alright but I never expected that much of a delay. Thanks for letting me know. I will start boxing my gifts and I will let my mother know too.

I will double check at the post office on Monday or check online of there's any delays from Ireland. I expect it will be similar. Usually tracking on our parcels says it stops in London Heathrow. I suspect there will be a delay there.

OP posts:
38weekswithno2 · 15/11/2020 00:42

If just tell her you're sending it on x date and that's the end of it basically. She can send stuff late if she wants but you don't have to

BlueOceanWave · 15/11/2020 00:46

I mentioned it earlier in the week and I said we have a lot of stuff and we might not have a box big enough/heavy enough for everything we have. I mentioned I think we would be better off sending two parcels and my mother nearly had a fit - 'sure we'll get it all in together and we will send one box' was her reply.

OP posts:
CorianderLord · 15/11/2020 00:49

Phy3cide? Do you mean facade??

Quaagars · 15/11/2020 01:07

If just tell her you're sending it on x date and that's the end of it basically. She can send stuff late if she wants but you don't have to

This
I'd be letting her know when it has to be sent by, and if hers isn't ready by then that's up to her.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 15/11/2020 01:10

Seriously, I assume you are a grown up? You don’t need to go all with your mother anymore. You clearly have your family’s happiness in mind first and foremost - get the parcel sent.

MerchantOfVenom · 15/11/2020 01:13

This is a no-brainer, surely. I don’t understand why you need to get advice on this. Sorry, I don’t mean to be unkind, genuinely. But, seriously. Just post the gifts.

BlueOceanWave · 15/11/2020 01:15

It is my mother who wants me to send my stuff with her. Not the other way around.

I send a message on twitter to the post to ask if there's any delays with posting abroad.

Depending on the answer I get, I will aim for sending the parcel next weekend.

OP posts:
Kokosrieksts · 15/11/2020 01:34

That’s a long post about a parcel, sorry, I didn’t finish it. Just send it.

user1468538201 · 15/11/2020 01:45

Post it asap. Monday if possible. An Post are asking for all post to go early and warning about delays. Even divert within Ireland is impacted because of social distancing within the sporting offices. Tell your mother it's going Monday and she can send a second parcel if she wants. And as I imagine your mother is of an older age do you really want her going out in the crowds in December if the shops do open? I know my father won't be taking the chance and I'm relieved.

violetbunny · 15/11/2020 02:39

You've missed the last posting dates to send it via economy post, but if you send via standard international mail there should still be time.

WattleOn · 15/11/2020 02:47

Sorry to say, I think you have missed the posting deadline already.

I am currently in Australia.

Last week, I received a letter from my bank in the UK. It was postmarked early September.

On 27 October, I received a parcel from the UK that had been dispatched on 1 September. That was hugely frustrating as I had the tracking number and could see it sitting at Heathrow for six sodding weeks before waiting ten days for it to clear customs in Perth before being sent to New South Wales.

Domestic post is also severely delayed at the moment in Victoria. A birthday card sent from Sydney to Melbourne (and priority tracked) sat in the Dandenong post office for three weeks awaiting delivery. I’m still pissed off about that because I anticipated delays and sent in two weeks early and it still arrived after the fact.

Send your parcel ASAP and your mother, if she insists, can send hers later.

Monty27 · 15/11/2020 02:53

It just took a birthday card I sent within UK, 3 weeks. Don't forget about transporters.
You need to have a stern word with your DM and give her a date to be ready. Friday tops!
On the other hand I'm sure your sister would understand 🙂

Molly499 · 15/11/2020 03:00

It sounds like you have quite a big box of stuff to send so don’t waste any effort on the Post Office, during the whole pandemic they have been so useless, particularly long haul.

Send your parcel with DHL / UPS etc, have a look at sites like Parcel monkey / Parcel hero, it will get there in under 10 days and probably won’t cost any more.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 15/11/2020 03:05

Just post it! I’m in Australia, and when my mum in NI posted a parcel to me two weeks ago they told her it might not get here by Xmas. All post, international and domestic, has been slow as hell since Covid struck, not so many planes as before doesn’t help.

Kayakinggirl · 15/11/2020 04:13

@BlueOceanWave

I am not in Australia, but yep international post is taking a long long time at the moment. The odd thing gets through quickly but not much. Basically less flights going (Korea has gone from 3 flights a day taking post to 3 a week). If there is no space on the flight they just hold it till the next one with space on it. Which could be the next day or 5 days later

Dalooah · 15/11/2020 05:20

If you're really keen on it being there before Christmas might be worth looking into courier options. I've used parcel2go a number of times to send international parcels (not to Australia though) and have found their prices competitive to posting- especially for bigger/heavier items and the time frames are quicker.

That aside, I suggest you show your mum physically how much you've amassed through the online ordering- open it up, put it into a box ready to send etc. She might realise she doesn't need to add to it. Or set a deadline by which time you're going to send it out, if she get her bits in before then she's welcome to send it with your stuff, if not she can organise?

moleeye · 15/11/2020 05:42

My best friend lives in Trinidad. Last year I posted in November and it got there at the end of Feb!

I posted their presents the last week of September this year and they still haven't arrived! I'm expecting them to get there soon (I've sent some Smiggle advent calendars for the kids). Their post is notoriously bad and with the pandemic it's almost ground to a halt!

Post your presents ASAP

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/11/2020 06:10

I think give your mum a deadline and stick to it. If you think necessary, you can remind her every couple of days and the day before, suggest she adds a card to go with the presents and be clear you will not be waiting any longer. Then send it. If she wants anything else, she can shop on an Australian site or post her parcel separately.

tiredcrafter · 15/11/2020 06:28

I think you need to get your parcel in the air asap. The one thing that people might not realise is that there aren't all that many freight planes travelling down to the south pacific these days. A fair proportion of mail an parcels actually come in the cargo holds of passenger planes. There can be delays of weeks, and even months for things to make it down this end of the world, and then they sit in customs or some other cargo stage waiting as well. Some things do make it fairly quickly, but the vast majority are taking far beyond anything even remotely considered a normal or even reasonable timeframe. Even sending now is no guarantee of it arriving before christmas.