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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to send Xmas parcel abroad to family

46 replies

BlueOceanWave · 14/11/2020 23:39

I have some family who live abroad in Australia. Some brothers and and one of them is settled with partner and child.

Every year the family at home (me, my mother and a brother) we organise a Xmas parcel with some gifts.

Every single year, without fail, my mother is always late in organising the parcel. We know Christmas is approaching and every year, she is always late. If the post recommends the last posting date to Australia is the 5/6/7th of December, my mother might just about manage for the 8/9/10/11/12 December.

She has good intentions and she does usually buy early but every year, she's not finished with her list and she always wants to add on.

This is an issue because I'm usually organised on time and I would prefer to send a parcel earlier rather than later.

It's also an issue in that, I don't have a problem organising a box but my mother always wants me to wait for her and put all our stuff in together and send one parcel - (she does this to put all the posting charges on my back and she doesnt pay a penny).

This year is a little bit different now because there's a pandemic. I'm in Ireland and we are in lockdown since October. I knew this years Christmas parcel was going to be a nightmare because of the lockdown and the non essential shops not open. Either we shop onlone or we wait for the shops to open early in December, then go shopping and send a parcel late.

I was sitting down with my mother every weekend since October with the laptop and we did some online shopping together. She's not a tech-y person and doesn't know hoelw to use a mobile phone, never mind about anything else.

We got things done. I was surprised we were so successful with the online shopping and loads of packages came in the mail and by courier with our orders. We did very well with everything. We got gifts for the one child in the family and for the rest of the family/adults abroad in Australia.

We did a lot. We have one more thing to do tomorrow - order some Christmas cards and that's it.

I was saying to my mother would have to try and aim to have the parcel sent off by November the 23rd just in case there will be delays because of the pandemic. I'm saying the 23rd in the hope the parcel/NY mother will be ready by the end of November. Definitely it does have to be gone by then.

Thing is my mother has so much shopping now but she still doesn't want to be done. She's wants to continue with more. She wants me to browse around online with her for more. Not only that, she said to me today, when the shops open again, she wants to try and go into town and get some more bits. I think she's not realising the amount of boxes and parcels and stuff that we already have and it's building in the front room and she's missing the phy3side of shopping or something. That's neither here nor there though.

We are in lockdown and the non essential shops like the gift shops and toys shops won't open until the 1st of December (that's if the government allows them to open). That indicates to me that my mother isn't planning on having anything ready to mail abroad until later on in December.

AIBU to box up my gifts and send them on time? Last Christmas was disappointing because of the bushfires. Our Christmas parcel didn't get to them until February. I would like to make an extra special effort this year and send well on time in case there's delays because of the pandemic. AIBU?

I will organise my stuff for next weekend in the hope it spurs my mother on over the following days. If not I think I will get it going by the end of November.

OP posts:
Londonnight · 15/11/2020 06:37

I have family in Canada. It can take two months for parcels to get there, especially this time of year. I sent mine in October to try to make sure it gets there for Christmas.
You also need to be careful with weight, the heavier, the more expensive it is.

I would just send the parcel now and hope for the best. If your mum wants to send more stuff she will have to do it herself.
Parcel2go are good, I have used them in the past.

Womencanlift · 15/11/2020 07:47

I would be doubling the time it tends to get there in normal times mainly due to the very reduced number of flights.

Also people who would have usually travelled themselves and taken presents with them will not be this year.

So adding more parcels than normal with less flights than normal means that you need to get it sent now (well it should have probably went long before now but too late for that)

Elouera · 15/11/2020 08:00

Send what you have asap.

I send cards and small packages to Australia monthly. The timelines have increased for regular economy (not sufrace mail) from 10-14days to anything up to a month!!! The cost has also doubled, so bare that in mind if your mum plans to add extra weight into the box. Whatever you already have might actually cost far more than you expect this year!

Also, why doesnt SHE help contribute to the postage cost and why havent you ever asked for a contribution???

WhatWouldBuffyDo13 · 15/11/2020 08:08

I ordered items from the UK on the 10th and they landed in Melbourne this morning (15th) via DAI post. So maybe look into couriers.

forrestgreen · 15/11/2020 08:11

You're pandering to her, tell her you're doing it on x date and do it. She doesn't believe you'll do it because she's always won in the past.
If she buys more don't get involved, she might not be techy but she can go to a post office.

LilacPebbles · 15/11/2020 08:12

'Aibu to be organised? Aibu to make sure the package arrives on time?' No of course YANBU.

It sounds like your mum just really enjoys the Christmas shopping element so send the parcel off and breathe a sigh of relief, and let her scratch her shopping itch for other people where there isn't a time limit involved.

QuentinInQuarantino · 15/11/2020 08:15

It would be lovely if you to send now so they get it.

My poor ds had two presents on his last birthday (both from us) as none of my or Dh family could get their act together to send them.

CakeRequired · 15/11/2020 08:52

Just get it sent. I don't know why you've let her get her way every year so far. After the first year of it being late, I'd have told her she is an idiot, gave her a deadline and stuck to it, even if she isn't finished. She is essentially saying to her own family every year that they dont matter to her and it doesn't bother her if their presents are late. Why even go to the bother of buying stuff if they mean so little to her?

Snog · 15/11/2020 08:52

Tell her the date you will send the parcel. She is a grown up, if she chooses to miss the date she will have to send her own parcel.

nowahousewife · 15/11/2020 09:00

Haven’t read the whole thread but I’d say just get your stuff posted if you want any chance it getting there before Xmas. Forget about what the post/courier deadlines are as the fact of the matter is there are hardly any flights going to Australia as their borders are virtually closed to foreign travel either in or out. Most post does go by plane (you’ve missed deadlines for sea freight) so unless your goods are going by UPS/FedEx/DHL who have their own cargo planes there are simply not the flights to get your gifts there by Xmas.

Your mum will have to do her own thing though of course you can help her to send her parcels once she’s got her act together. Perhaps next year she’ll get organised a bit earlier.

Dotinthecity · 15/11/2020 09:05

Our parcel to Australia was posted three weeks ago (to be on the safe side) and has been received. You’re also right regarding the money saving aspect of two parcels. We actually brought ours home from the Post Office and repacked it as two parecls last year, saving ourselves £20.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 15/11/2020 09:09

Just to let you know I was browsing something on etsy this week and there was a massive long message asking people not to order in Australia if they couldnt cope with a few weeks delay, apparently there are massive delays at the moment so I'd check this asap

forrestgreen · 15/11/2020 09:10

She enjoys shopping more than the thought of family receiving presents on time.

Sewrainbow · 15/11/2020 09:12

Just send it, if she isnt ready that's her fault. And if she took her own parcel to the PO she might realise just how much spend on postage costs "for her" every year. Having done this in the past for db in Australia I know how expensive it is!

I'd want to make a special effort this year to try and get it there on time, although from what pp said it still may not Sad

Amammi · 15/11/2020 09:16

There was no post to Australia for a while there Op - my neighbour had to drive to Newry to send post to her daughter who is living in Oz. I’d get your packages away as soon as possible to avoid delay.

www.anpost.com/Media-Centre/News/Full-postal-services-restored-to-US,-Australia,-Ne

coconutpie · 15/11/2020 10:48

I would send it early this week rather than waiting until the following week. Tell your mother you are posting it on X date (whichever date is the earliest for you to organise a box to put all the presents in) and if she wants to send her presents with yours that it needs to be in by that date, otherwise she can organise her own postage. And when it comes to X date, post it as planned. Presumably she won't have it sorted on time so let her deal with the cost and bother herself.

thevassal · 15/11/2020 11:39

@forrestgreen

She enjoys shopping more than the thought of family receiving presents on time.
exactly this - why have you never asked her why her enjoyment of wandering around the shops buying extra tat is more important than her family getting their presents before February?

also if she thinks it is her sending the parcel and you adding extra on, why on earth doesn't she pay for it? I think you need to talk about at least sharing the cost from now on! bloody cheeky!

Dreambigger · 15/11/2020 12:02

Honestly I think it's too late already.i sent a parcel on 2/9 and it got there on thurs last week.thats over 2 months!!! If you look at Australia post Facebook etc there are loads of people complaining of delays with their postal service. It's not just parcels from abroad..

StCharlotte · 15/11/2020 12:11

We sent a large box from UK to San Francisco via DHL a couple of days ago. Took 3 days. We couldn't believe it!

TheNoodlesIncident · 15/11/2020 13:03

Don't bother with the post office, send your parcel by UPS or DHL, it won't get there in time if you don't. I've sent my friend's parcel to Italy already, admittedly a lot closer than Australia but the courier collected it on Tuesday and it was delivered to my friend on the Thursday (estimated delivery Friday). Parcel 2Go and the like are really good, do use them.

I agree with PP about your mum's preferring to shop rather than get things before postal deadlines, so just focus on your own parcel and not hers, which you have no control over.

WattleOn · 16/11/2020 03:20

For anyone sending from Australia to the UK/USA/Canada/Europe - today is the deadline for posting via standard post.

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