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AIBU?

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What did I do wrong? Argument with h.

44 replies

Cheeeeislifenow · 14/11/2020 14:48

I cannot for the life of me figure it out. We are adding some extra space in our house. One room will be a room for ds 2. He shares now. Final thing to do in the room is carpet, which will be laid 12th December. I suggested that as I get paid next week I can afford to buy some basic furniture like a new wardrobe etc for ds2.:
I explained I can order and then can be delivered after carpet is laid.
First he said what furniture? I showed him last night what I was looking at and showed him in the laptop. He claimed this didn't happen.
He said it's too soon to think of furniture. I said why? He said room is not finished. I said it will be when the things are dellivered. He said it's too soon to think about furniture? I said why? He said he doesn't want the stuff lying around. I said it won't be as it can be delivered after the carpet has been laid and the room will be ready. He again said he is only painting now and it's too soon for furniture. He said we can get it when the room is fine (context we are in high lockdown restrictions, so cannot collect it). This went in and on. In the end he ignored me. I told him he was being rude by ignoring me. He said that I'm sick of repeating the same thing over and over. I said do you agree the room will be finished by 12th December...he said yes. I then said so the furniture could be delivered on the 13th, 14th etc but we should book it now as things will get busy with Christmas and lockdown etc, so isn't it better to order it now? He ignored me and completely stonewalled me. While I repeated why are you being so rude, and I told him that this was making me angry and upset. He ignored me and I had to leave the room.

Is there anyway I was unreasonable? I genuinely do not understand why he caused an argument over this?
It's not money issue BTW. I can assure you of that. The amount I was spending was not a lot and my own money anyway.

OP posts:
Cheeeeislifenow · 14/11/2020 14:50

I have reported to send this to aibu!

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 14/11/2020 14:50

No you weren't. God knows what his problem is.

It's your money. Just order the stuff for delivery after the carpet's fitted.

WinterSunglasses · 14/11/2020 14:50

No. Just order the furniture. When it comes if he's annoyed just tell him he agreed to it. He's gaslighting you by saying things didn't happen when they did, so serve it back.

endofthelinefinally · 14/11/2020 14:51

He is sulking because he knows he is wrong.
He probably misheard or misunderstood and now doesn't want to back down.
So childish.

FippertyGibbett · 14/11/2020 14:52

No you weren’t, get it ordered.
Is he always like this ?

CatsOutOfTheBag · 14/11/2020 14:56

Your money. You order it

Bagelsandbrie · 14/11/2020 15:00

You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s being an arse.

As a side thing why are you paying for the furniture out of your own money...? Surely it should come from joint money / expenses?

Smallsteps88 · 14/11/2020 15:03

this isnt about furniture. theres more going on here.

Cheeeeislifenow · 14/11/2020 15:10

The money is from an unexpected job, our finances are separate, which is fine, we each pay for particular bills etc. But I was happy to spend my money on this. I think a pp must be right he misheard and won't back down, unfortunately, he is a stubborn fucker and won't apologize. It normally falls to me. I needed to check impartiality if there was anything at all that could be misconstrued on my part. Me continuing to talk to him.when he was ignoring me was probably pissing him off. But I just wanted a logical answer as to why ordering the furniture would be an issue. He does gaslight me a bit and say things never happened when they did.

OP posts:
KimMumsnet · 14/11/2020 15:29

Afternoon - we're popping this thread over to AIBU now on OP's request.

Mycircusmymonkey · 14/11/2020 15:35

Just order the furniture and don’t tell him. He’s being a dick. When it arrives and he complains explain that he chose to ignore you so you didn’t see the point in discussing it further.
I wouldn’t mention it again as if you do I suspect there will be a mysterious delay in the room being finished on time.

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 14/11/2020 15:35

He probably misheard or misunderstood and now doesn't want to back down.

This.

2020iscancelled · 14/11/2020 16:05

I’d just book it for delivery after the carpets and wouldn’t mention it again. Wtf has it really got to do with him anyway? Youve agreed that it will be used for DS, the decor and carpets are planned and you’re paying for the furniture- therefore you tried to discuss and consult him, he clearly wasn’t interested in having a sensible discussion so I’d just crack on.

You haven’t done anything wrong as far as I can see, it sounds like one of those arguments which escalates for no real reason other than one of the parties being a dick. Him in this case.

Stonewalling is pathetic, I’d be telling him that as well. Then withdrawing any kind of food making / clothes washing etc - if you can’t talk to me then you can’t eat my food either.

2020iscancelled · 14/11/2020 16:07

Oh and if he continues to change the narrative after an argument I’d be telling him I’ll be recording any future discussions because you can’t be relied on to recall arguments truthfully

Drives me mad when ppl change the narrative to suit them

burglarbettybaby · 14/11/2020 16:08

He's being horrible. Just get the furniture and do something nice for yourself for the weekend

BonnieDundee · 14/11/2020 16:09

Sounds like he wanted to pick a fight. But you say he has form for gaslighting you so that's probably it

Merryoldgoat · 14/11/2020 16:17

He sounds really nasty.

Cheeeeislifenow · 14/11/2020 16:19

I have often threatened to record conversations. Fuck him I'm buying it anyway, the kid needs furniture.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/11/2020 16:21

What did you do wrong? Married an arse.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 14/11/2020 16:26

I’d order the furniture and ship him out he’s sounds horrid
Hope he doesn’t do this in front of your chick seen

Soundbyte · 14/11/2020 16:27

Could he be the one struggling with money at the moment and doesn’t want you spending on what he doesn’t see as essentials? Some men don’t like to admit having fallen into trouble financially or worry the family about it.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 14/11/2020 16:27

Chick seen = children Blush

Autumnchill · 14/11/2020 16:34

You're clearly organised and he isn't. We have exactly the same arguments here as I, like you, know how long things take and timeline the process, whereas my husband, like yours, needs to do things in steps and have one step completed before they do the next.

SpotTheTot · 14/11/2020 16:36

I'd just order it.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 14/11/2020 17:29

Sounds like he has no intention of painting the room any time soon and doesn't want to be forced into a timetable. Still being a dick though.

I work in the industry and Carriers are already maxed out. Big stores are being told they can only ship what they have already bought capacity for. Getting deliveries close to Christmas is going to be tricky, I'd get it ordered