What did I do wrong? Argument with h.

[Cheeeeislifenow]

I cannot for the life of me figure it out. We are adding some extra space in our house. One room will be a room for ds 2. He shares now. Final thing to do in the room is carpet, which will be laid 12th December. I suggested that as I get paid next week I can afford to buy some basic furniture like a new wardrobe etc for ds2.:
I explained I can order and then can be delivered after carpet is laid.
First he said what furniture? I showed him last night what I was looking at and showed him in the laptop. He claimed this didn't happen.
He said it's too soon to think of furniture. I said why? He said room is not finished. I said it will be when the things are dellivered. He said it's too soon to think about furniture? I said why? He said he doesn't want the stuff lying around. I said it won't be as it can be delivered after the carpet has been laid and the room will be ready. He again said he is only painting now and it's too soon for furniture. He said we can get it when the room is fine (context we are in high lockdown restrictions, so cannot collect it). This went in and on. In the end he ignored me. I told him he was being rude by ignoring me. He said that I'm sick of repeating the same thing over and over. I said do you agree the room will be finished by 12th December...he said yes. I then said so the furniture could be delivered on the 13th, 14th etc but we should book it now as things will get busy with Christmas and lockdown etc, so isn't it better to order it now? He ignored me and completely stonewalled me. While I repeated why are you being so rude, and I told him that this was making me angry and upset. He ignored me and I had to leave the room.

Is there anyway I was unreasonable? I genuinely do not understand why he caused an argument over this?
It's not money issue BTW. I can assure you of that. The amount I was spending was not a lot and my own money anyway.

My dh would argue against the furniture being ordered before the room was finished. I don't think he can cope with thinking about the forward planning and likes to deal with one step at a time.

I would order it and just not tell him because I know that once the carpet is down he would be ready for the next step and be glad for the furniture.

Yes I think it's that he can't forward plan. Even though he doesn't seem to understand bthere will be a four week wait for it to be delivered. It's like his tiny fucking brain can't cope with doing more than one thing at a time.
I had already picked out the furniture and he doesn't care what furniture I get, I asked him when he was arguing with me.

The room has one coat of paint left to do and then the carpet on the 12th which was the earliest we could book.

Your plan sounds sensible.

Rather than entering into a round and round discussion about it though, as soon as it became clear he was being a bit of an arse, I'd have just said "well I'm going to go ahead and order it for when the room's ready as that makes sense in the current circumstances".

Discussion over and sensible planning done. This is especially so as you are the one choosing and paying for it.

Is this an isolated incident, OP, or are there more examples?

Reading this was hard for me because DH used to behave like that. It was awful. We could have split up & actually I often think I put up with way more than I should have done. When we look back now, he says it was because we were in a terrible financial situation. He is sorry but I doubt he will ever see it as I did. If this is regular behaviour, I would be taking serious steps. If not, can you talk to him about how it makes you feel? Hope it gets sorted OP.

Is he one of those husbands who acts like he's your dad too.

You know, nèeds consulting on everything, final say is his, you need advice and permission about spending your own money, comes and inspects things you are doing, critiques your cooking ànd such, uses the phrase "I don't think that's wise" a lot, you are expected to do as you are told once he has issued his decree.

If none apply, he is just being a general arsehole on this one.

Just order it.

Look at him blankly when he goes mad and say that as far as you understood from him last time, all conversations about furniture were imaginary, and you never had any discussion about whether to order or not.

Then point out that as it's your money it's a good thing it's none of his business.

It’s possible that he couldn’t cope with the mental load of having to plan ahead. My DP is like that sometimes. The difference though is that she’ll say “can we talk about it over dinner/after a cup of tea/at the weekend?” And not ignore me and be a dick about it.

Oh my OH does similar. I’ll show him something/discuss a plan in the evening and then he will deny all knowledge of it like it never happened . I think his mind is elsewhere and isn’t concentrating (or like your OH he doesn’t really give a shit what furniture I choose and is pretending to be interested whilst thinking about fishing/football/food etc). He also will not back down but then we have been together so long now that I almost expect it and will remind him of parts of the conversation and I can almost see the penny drop... while he still pretends it never happens.

In your situation I would just order it. He might be worried about lockdown and if the carpet might be delayed or something but that close to Christmas getting a delivery will be tricky if you leave it much longer.

I wonder if he's stressed out about it all and wants to leave it until you've both had time to think and choose together?

Maybe wait until he's cooled down and say "look, I'm not sure what I did. Please can we talk about this? I'd like to do it together".

YANBU. Maybe he messed up on the carpets or something so knows it will not be ready

Could he have ordered it as a surprise and doesn't want you butting in, but doesn't know how to not tell you??

They just don't seem to be able to map it out. My husband will do the dishwasher etc then start tea rather than start tea and do the dishwasher while tea is cooking (as an example).

Order the furniture otherwise it'll be Christmas before it arrives!

Lol @ironmanrocks I love your positivity!! No he is being a prick, definitely 😃

Could he be knackered and trying not to let you all down by getting the room finished in time but he’s struggling with a day job and diy and is tired and doesn’t think he’ll manage and is annoyed with himself?

Could he be worried about losing his job and doesn’t like to share his worries? Therefore he could actually be concerned about money it’s just you don’t know the situation yet as he’s hiding it. And shouldn’t do that by the way.

Or he’s just a total prick who is incapable of coherent conversation, forward planning and multi tasking.

How old is DS? Is this symptomatic of a wider attitude problem?

Sorry, I didn't spot the 'argument with h' part of your title and thought it was DS arguing

As you were....

@feedingthebirds I think the question still counts even for my "D" h. Definitely a wider attitude problem!

@ChocolateCherrybomb

Is he one of those husbands who acts like he's your dad too.

You know, nèeds consulting on everything, final say is his, you need advice and permission about spending your own money, comes and inspects things you are doing, critiques your cooking ànd such, uses the phrase "I don't think that's wise" a lot, you are expected to do as you are told once he has issued his decree.

If none apply, he is just being a general arsehole on this one.

If these do apply he's an absolute arsehole too by the way. And a controlling shit