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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask him to turn the music down?

48 replies

messy123 · 14/11/2020 08:59

Partner got a new amp for the vinyl player yesterday. We haven't had one for a good 6 months. He played his music from mid afternoon until 1am. When I went to bed (just before midnight) I asked him to turn it down, he didn't. I went down again to give him some headphones, he said they were shit and wouldn't use them. I went down again angry and told him in no uncertain terms to turn it off or it was going through the window. Still didn't! Think it eventually went off just after 1am.

I didn't sleep well and asked him not to do it again, he said he'd do it again tonight as it was his house and he can do what he liked! I like music too and it would be different if we didn't have responsibilities but we have a young DD who still regularly wakes in the night and early and , you've guessed it, I do almost all the night wakings. Not to mention it being unfair on the neighbours who have young children!

I wish there was somewhere I could go tonight where I could be in peace and free from his music and arguments. I know it was a Friday night , AIBU?

OP posts:
Ilovethewild · 14/11/2020 09:01

No op you are not being unreasonable he most certainly is.

Ditch him

GreyWall · 14/11/2020 09:03

I think you need to leave him... He sounds like a right wanker and will never care for you..

EatDessertFirst · 14/11/2020 09:03

YANBU. Reminds me of that scene out of Shaun of the Dead.

He sounds like an utter tool and a poor excuse for a father (not doing night waking, keeping you and DD). It'd be quieter without him around.

GreyWall · 14/11/2020 09:04

Thinking about it I think he's trying to get you to leave...!

GreyWall · 14/11/2020 09:05

Totally missed you have a DD... This is abusive you need to get out now. .

Goldensnitchy · 14/11/2020 09:05

He really only cares about himself doesn’t he....

messy123 · 14/11/2020 09:05

I wish I could leave! But we jointly owe the house and have a DD

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 14/11/2020 09:09

You'll be needing a screwdriver and some wire cutters.

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 14/11/2020 09:09

I wish I could leave! But we jointly owe the house and have a DD

Doesn’t matter leave

Shoxfordian · 14/11/2020 09:11

You can still leave him
He sounds incredibly inconsiderate

messy123 · 14/11/2020 09:12

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney Where do I go? Family and friends wouldn't take me in , I've asked

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 14/11/2020 09:12

Leave territory for me too. It's supremely selfish, a characteristic that will never change, and will show itself in many ways over the future years. Your dd will be fine.

messy123 · 14/11/2020 09:13

@Shoxfordian I think so too! And today he's sitting on his arse watching TV all day while I take DD out to see her grandma (in our childcare bubble) and to the park

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 14/11/2020 09:13

I think we all meant - he can leave. Ditch him. You and your dd stay in the house.

messy123 · 14/11/2020 09:14

@arethereanyleftatall he'd never leave, he's told me

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 14/11/2020 09:14

It's not his unilateral decision to make.

messy123 · 14/11/2020 09:15

@arethereanyleftatall I couldn't force him could I? I wish I could.

OP posts:
2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 14/11/2020 09:18

Does he ever go out? There is your opportunity. Have you tried calling Women's aid ? Surely your mum would help you if you are being abused while h is what this is

arethereanyleftatall · 14/11/2020 09:21

I'm really sorry, I don't know what you do in that situation. Hopefully somebody will know. I can tell you that you can have a free half hour with a solicitor if that helps. You can start working out the finances of it all. Check out entitled to and see what maintenance he will have to pay.

messy123 · 14/11/2020 09:22

I have thought about women's aid but thought it wasn't bad enough for that.

Unfortunately my parents aren't supportive, whilst they agree it's abusive they say they can't put me and DD up and basically I have to live with it Sad

OP posts:
Plussizejumpsuit · 14/11/2020 09:25

It's he always this selfish?

MrsWednesdayteatime · 14/11/2020 09:27

Can you get an airbed and move into your child's bedroom?
Tell him it's over and you need to make plans to financially separate, to claim benefits as a single mum, and for you both to find new accommodation.

Winterwoollies · 14/11/2020 09:28

Jesus. How unbelievably obnoxious. It’s quite shocking that he would talk to you like that. Was he drunk? That’s obviously not an excuse for being a giant twat but it might explain his unchecked rudeness to a degree.

messy123 · 14/11/2020 09:28

Pretty much yes. Very hands off dad. I do almost all childcare. He drinks too much. Earns a lot of money which he thinks gives him free reign to do whatever he likes. Shouts at me for tiniest things. He wouldn't agree.

I can't talk to anyone in real life, I've tried but it backfires and they all go telling tales to him.

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 14/11/2020 09:29

So you own the house jointly?
Are you both working?