To ask him to turn the music down?

[messy123]

Partner got a new amp for the vinyl player yesterday. We haven't had one for a good 6 months. He played his music from mid afternoon until 1am. When I went to bed (just before midnight) I asked him to turn it down, he didn't. I went down again to give him some headphones, he said they were shit and wouldn't use them. I went down again angry and told him in no uncertain terms to turn it off or it was going through the window. Still didn't! Think it eventually went off just after 1am.

I didn't sleep well and asked him not to do it again, he said he'd do it again tonight as it was his house and he can do what he liked! I like music too and it would be different if we didn't have responsibilities but we have a young DD who still regularly wakes in the night and early and , you've guessed it, I do almost all the night wakings. Not to mention it being unfair on the neighbours who have young children!

I wish there was somewhere I could go tonight where I could be in peace and free from his music and arguments. I know it was a Friday night , AIBU?

He was drunk but he drinks regularly and is a big bloke so it doesn't effect him much. He talks to me like that anyway

You don't have to do everything at once. Telling him it's over is step one. Moving into your child's room is step two. Step three is working out the future together from there.

That's actually some good news in your post a minute ago. He takes no interest in your dd, so separating will be positive for her. He earns a lot so your child maintenance will be good.

I think the amp would be having a little accident today!
Seriously though, this is a situation that can’t continue, it’s not fair on you or your DD.

Yes jointly. I work part time, him full time. He earns triple what I do.

It's tricky as my father gave us lots of money for a house deposit which unfortunately wasn't legally binding. He's told me to never leave as he's afraid of loosing all the money. (Was in the 10s of 1000s )

I've slept separately from him for almost a year which he is angry about

He's selfish and irresponsible. What an arse.

@Crazydoglady1980 I'd love to give it an accident. Was very expensive and be more than my life's worth if I did

Ok. So, follow @MrsWednesdayteatime advice below. Then 4. Work out how much child maintenance he will pay. 5. Work out what benefits you will get. 6. Work out if you can afford to stay in the house on your own.

Op just checking did you get a declaration of trust to protect your deposit ?

Are you married? I would get legal advice on your situation if I was you to ensure you would get the deposit back if you split. You don't want your dd to be brought up in an abusive relationship.

The player is a symptom of his arrogance.

No not married. I'm not sure about the declaration of trust

Oh OP. If you have thought about women's aid and whether people could take you in then it is obviously about more than the music. You and your DD deserve better.

Losing tens of thousands is far better than a lifetime of misery and your child ending up a damaged adult due to her father

Music does not seem the only issue here. Others have offered better advice than I could give. I feel sorry for your DD as well.

@Goldencurtain I couldn't agree more and have told my parents this

@nosswith I'd say the main thing we have always argued about is him keeping me up by playing his music loudly. Ridiculous but true.

There is more though. I don't even know where to begin.

Please talk to Womens’ Aid and a solicitor.

Thank god you're not married. Please prioritise yours and your children's happiness over the loss of money. You'll have a far better richer feeling when you're out of that situation.

Honestly he sounds like my ex , he used to stay up all night shouting, slamming doors, loud tv, singing. Then as soon as my son got up I would be looking after him then ex would go to sleep in the sofa. So we couldn’t use the front room. I felt I couldn’t leave as I have epilepsy and he used to say the social will take my boy off me. It was awful he refused to leave, I was different as I rented and he wasn’t on the rent. I called the police and he was removed. I would definitely talk to women aid there was a lot more in my one that I won’t say here. I think you definitely should speak to women’s aid they are amazing and help you make a plan. Please don’t stay like this my son is so much happier and so am I.

OP has he ever been aggressive or violent to you? You say he’s large and regularly drinks. Are you physically frightened of him?

This won’t solve all the problems, but take the fuse out of the plug?

You need to get some proper legal advice, think of it as an investment in your future and your child's future.

It's not his decision to make that he will never leave, you have rights too.

As pps have said, first thing is to speak to Women's Aid, you need advice and support. This is no way to live.