Friend adding sugar to her toddler's water

[FurrySlipperBoots]

I have a newish friend (met at the end of summer this year) with a two year old. She's a good person and I don't want to rock the boat, but I'm disturbed by her adding sugar to her toddler's drink! She has a LOT of pure fruit juice which was worrying me already, so I was relieved to notice her drinking water one time - until I saw my friend refill it, and adding a tablespoon of sugar! She just said 'she doesn't like the taste otherwise' and we moved on, but it's been on my mind since.

On the one hand it's none of my business how she raises her child, but on the other how will I feel after hearing the poor munchkin has to have a bunch of teeth out under GA, and I'd never said anything to try and prevent that from happening? Surely my friend knows the damage sugar does? I mean it's not exactly a secret is it!

YABU - butt out, it's nothing to do with you what someone elses toddler drinks!

YANBU - advocate for the child and say something now!

I do realise that water in soft water areas can taste a bit grim but I’m sure you can get used to it!

It's the other way round!

We have nice soft water in Yorkshire- it tastes much nicer than water in other areas I visit. And it deosn't leave limescale deposits on everything either.

Noooooo!

Hard water tastes lovely and fresh and refreshing.

Soft water is all murky tasting and a bit like sick. Whenever I get to a soft water area like a Cornwall (which I otherwise love) it takes me a while to realise what’s wrong with the water and why my tea tastes funny.

For a start, it's not inevitable that the child will have to have rotten teeth pulled out under general anaesthetic.

Is it ideal? Definitely not. But it is no worse than having cordial. It is possible she's trying to wean off juice on to water and this is a partway stage.

I prefer mine to have sugar and avoid artificial sweetners. Sugar is not brilliant, but it makes me more mindful about portions. Sweetners give me thumping headaches and an unpleasant lingering aftertaste for hours so they are no good thing either. They have plenty of water too.

Commenting on something like this is more likely to harm the friendship and result in little positive change.

@ZoeTurtle
I came on here to say the same thing. All the unsubstantiated claims about artificial sweeteners is annoying. To much sugar is 100% known to cause all sorts of issues.

I do like that in Yorkshire they don’t ask stupid questions like do I want milk in my tea. Of course I do, it’s tea! Lots of points to Yorkshire cafes on that one.

Totally agree that this is made up, obviously!

Might have believed a tea spoon, at a push, but a tablespoon, it would be like syrup.

'Artificial sweeteners are among the most-studied ingredients in the world. They are not damaging or carcinogenic'

This, especially aspartame.

Wow, lots of varied responses!

It's interesting what posters have said about it being the norm in some parts of the world! She actually is middle Eastern. It didn't occur to me it might be a cultural thing. You'd think children who'd grown up on it and suffered the dental decay would know better than to do the same with their children! But having said that my mum has major tooth problems from her childhood sweets but she let me neck coke when I was a teenager like it was going out of fashion, and now I'm following in her footsteps!

I've just done some googling and am shocked at the sugar content in juice!! Apparently it's around 3 tablespoons of sugar in a cup!! My friends little girl has a cup of undiluted juice every couple of hours, so I guess the sugary water is the least of her worries!

I didn't suggest sugar free squash or anything (and as for honey, isn't that basically sugar anyway?) because my jaw was too dropped open to say anything much! Actually I worry about the effect of artificial sweeteners anyway. You know how we watch Horrible Histories or whatever, and laugh at the crazy things they thought were good ideas back then? I wonder if in a couple of hundred years humans will shake their heads over us consuming aspartame etc.

I still don't know what to do. I guess keep out of it. I just feel sad for her.

I would say something only because I went to school with my best friend who was allowed lots of sugar - and in her adult years her teeth were rotten!

My NDN strangely enough - professional couple with 3 DC, they started off by being vehemently anti sugar - the youngest has developed a sugar addiction so bad that he's up by 5am (wonder why?!) and was sneaking downstairs (at 3 years onwards) to put his fingers in the sugar jar. I think they've now knocked this on the head.

Other NDN rarely let DC have sugar - e.g. no fruit yogurts has to be natural with fruit added.

I do personally think (from childhood experience) the more you're deprived something the more you want it.

So yeah on balance I would say something - but expect to get your head bitten off.

My older DN has been drinking squash and fruit juice from six months, and they've bought him the little tins of pop from about 3 that he has most days. I saw them giving the younger one slush puppy with a spoon when he was about 8/9 months on a day out. They think I'm weird and strict and DH 'just goes along with it' because we don't allow our not yet two year old to have haribo

I wouldn't say anything, it's not like they don't have access to nutritional information, the NHS website is crystal clear on healthy eating for children

While this could be made up (as anything on mumsnet could be) I am really surprised that so many people think these things don’t happen. Why else do we have such rising levels of obesity and bad teeth among children!?

I would have to speak out kindly and with factual information to hand.
If she dumped me as a friend so be it. Her baby has no say, yet she is ruining her teeth for life.
IMO it is up to the parent to make the effort to parent properly.

As long as a parent can read there is no excuse, just educate yourself.
No baby or toddler should have anything other than milk or water.

For anyone not believing this, watch this dentist scene from "That Sugar Film". They are from the Southern US. Not for the squeamish.

DH is Middle Eastern and I've spent most of my life living there too. I would say something, as it's very much a culture where a village raises a child, not one where you mind your own business so it's unlikely to be as badly received as many posters seem to think.

It's also likely a lack of nutritional awareness; DH and the entirety of his family have some, in my opinion, terrible dietary habits but also absolutely zero knowledge of nutrition basics. One of my SIL's lived on coke, sugary black coffee and instant noodles when pregnant, her kids eat similarly now. I'm only just now convincing MIL to cut back on sugar, 10 years after being diagnosed with diabetes, as she just can't see the link between fruit/refined carbs and sugar and believes it's unnecessary as her medication 'compensates' so there's no need.

If she is middle eastern I would definitely say something about it but do it in a kind way.

I was told years ago that young children in cultures in that area are often given sweetened food and drinks to ensure they eat but they are left with rotten teeth.

Tap water is horrible it’s true so the answer is a filter or bottled, not sugar.

I would hope the child will eventually transition? My DS1 just didn't want to come off breastmilk (we're talking 8 months, and barely eating or drinking anything else - just wasn't interested). We started him on eating fruit like mangos, and drinking slightly diluted fruit juice, when he was 1 (and still a reluctant eater) we even went through a stage of ice-cream for breakfast!

These days he will literally try anything, prefers savoury, and doesn't drink anything but milk and water (he accidentally took a sip of my sprite once and you'd have thought I'd poisoned him).

DS2 was the complete opposite of course, shoving food into his mouth from the moment he could co-ordinate himself, but now is the fussiest toad imaginable, beige and tomato-based, and would drink fizzy most of the time if I'd let him.

Both have perfect teeth - DS1 actually had the dentist gasp at his pristine teeth.

So what I'm saying is, that as long as there's a variety of other things are available as they grow up, I'm not sure how much of a difference the things you feed them when they're starting makes as much of a difference as we think it does - either to their tastes or teeth.

It isn't as bad as giving juice, which contains MORE sugar than this and is also acid.

There should be health information given out about the dangers of fruit juice for small children. There are even people on this thread who think it is healthy.

@FurrySlipperBoots

Wow, lots of varied responses!

It's interesting what posters have said about it being the norm in some parts of the world! She actually is middle Eastern. It didn't occur to me it might be a cultural thing. You'd think children who'd grown up on it and suffered the dental decay would know better than to do the same with their children! But having said that my mum has major tooth problems from her childhood sweets but she let me neck coke when I was a teenager like it was going out of fashion, and now I'm following in her footsteps!

I've just done some googling and am shocked at the sugar content in juice!! Apparently it's around 3 tablespoons of sugar in a cup!! My friends little girl has a cup of undiluted juice every couple of hours, so I guess the sugary water is the least of her worries!

I didn't suggest sugar free squash or anything (and as for honey, isn't that basically sugar anyway?) because my jaw was too dropped open to say anything much! Actually I worry about the effect of artificial sweeteners anyway. You know how we watch Horrible Histories or whatever, and laugh at the crazy things they thought were good ideas back then? I wonder if in a couple of hundred years humans will shake their heads over us consuming aspartame etc.

I still don't know what to do. I guess keep out of it. I just feel sad for her.

I think generally if the childs diet is varied, I wouldn't worry. It's not worth falling out over by being that judgey friend.

She might be giving her sugary water, but then making organic veg packed dinners...it's all about balance.

My Brother used to put juice in my nephews baby bottle, it used to make me wince at the sugar content/worry for his tooth development, but thankfully his teeth came through healthy.

If you were going to say something, perhaps constructive advice would be best.

So you could sympathise that her little one doesn’t like plain water, but suggest ways to help her learn to like it, and mention the sugar in fruit juice problem at the same time.

DF, have you thought about maybe during her fruit juice with water? That might be a better way to get her drinking a bit less sugar all round, what do you think? Once she’s used to it tasting a bit less sugary and strong you can add more and more water gradually.

during = diluting

My mother was a paediatric dentist and worked in areas of deprivation. She referred very small children to hospital with depressing regularity to have their milk teeth removed under GA.

Sugar in bottles is much worse than eating sweets because of the way it’s taken in - swished around the teeth for a long time. It’s a horrendous thing to do to a baby.

I’ve worked with children and their families for 20 years. People absolutely do things like this. I’ve also seen children aged two upwards need full clearance of their often black and rotting teeth (removed) being offered sugary snacks and drinks after the event. Coke in a bottle is so common! I’ve seen parents make a baby feed with formula scoops and then added sugar. Take aways blended for a baby’s meal, take aways in packed lunches.

Sometimes it’s cultural, sometimes it’s poor education on nutrition but yes sometimes it’s for an easier life. None of it makes it right.

@FurrySlipperBoots

Wow, lots of varied responses!

It's interesting what posters have said about it being the norm in some parts of the world! She actually is middle Eastern. It didn't occur to me it might be a cultural thing. You'd think children who'd grown up on it and suffered the dental decay would know better than to do the same with their children! But having said that my mum has major tooth problems from her childhood sweets but she let me neck coke when I was a teenager like it was going out of fashion, and now I'm following in her footsteps!

I've just done some googling and am shocked at the sugar content in juice!! Apparently it's around 3 tablespoons of sugar in a cup!! My friends little girl has a cup of undiluted juice every couple of hours, so I guess the sugary water is the least of her worries!

I didn't suggest sugar free squash or anything (and as for honey, isn't that basically sugar anyway?) because my jaw was too dropped open to say anything much! Actually I worry about the effect of artificial sweeteners anyway. You know how we watch Horrible Histories or whatever, and laugh at the crazy things they thought were good ideas back then? I wonder if in a couple of hundred years humans will shake their heads over us consuming aspartame etc.

I still don't know what to do. I guess keep out of it. I just feel sad for her.

In hot countries the advice is often to add sugar and salt to diets to maintain electrolyte balances, so I’m not surprised. In these countries kids often get their mouth rinsed out after sugary drinks or snacks so the milk tooth decay element isn’t there either. She needs to understand that adding sugar isn’t required in the UK and that she’ll make her kids fat - no need to mention tooth decay because teeth cleaning practises in the ME and SA are often far better than the UK