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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect DH to do this childcare?

48 replies

1400spincycle · 12/11/2020 18:59

DH works from home full time. ( normally 8-5). I have been off this year due to covid but I have a new part time job starting soon.

I was expecting to use school wraparound to cover some pick ups/ drop offs. We used to use it before and it’s worked well. Unfortunately they have changed how many children they can take because of covid and there is no space for DC2. We are on a waiting list...

There are no local childminders with space who offer pick ups etc from the DCs school...

I think DH can do 3 drop offs and 1 pick up while he is WFH. (He has previously had flexibility for childcare approved by his company so they should be ok if he makes up the hours) On a drop off DH should be able to start by 9 and pick up normally takes around 40 mins. After which DCs could watch TV while he works.

AIBU to think this is reasonable for a temporary solution while we wait for a wraparound place?

OP posts:

Sally872 · 12/11/2020 19:02

If his work are still OK with it then yanbu. My work were OK with this when childcare closed, don't think they would feel the same about no space, though I expect for 1 day until a space comes up would be ok.

What does dh suggest? Is there another solution?

CakeRequired · 12/11/2020 19:04

If his work were fine with it before, likely they will be again.

MzHz · 12/11/2020 19:05

Have you asked him?

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 12/11/2020 19:05

It sounds fine to me. My DC's school isn't doing wraparound care at all to keep their bubbles from mixing so I nip out to do the pickup every day.

OverTheRubicon · 12/11/2020 19:09

Would one of the dropoffs and the pickup be on the same day? Dropoffs sound more reasonable to me, but afternoon isn't always easy, especially if there are meetings out of his control. It also depends on how realisable and well earning your new job is right now, if it's really important then he should be finding a way (even if that's him looking at after-school nannies, childminders or doubling up with another family as a childcare bubble).

Original poster

1400spincycle · 12/11/2020 19:15

His job is not customer facing and his meetings are nearly always at set times which would not be interrupted. But yes, from a financial perspective his job is the important one...

OP posts:

Blanca87 · 12/11/2020 19:16

He would be doing what a million other working parents have to do currently. Of course he should do it, everyone In the household needs to pull together when things like this happens. It’s not your sole responsibility to sort it all the childcare, there his kids too.

Blanca87 · 12/11/2020 19:18

*they’re

fabulous40s · 12/11/2020 19:22

Yes that’s what I have to do - can’t find any child care on a Monday so pick DC up at 3, give them snacks and they happily watch a film whilst I work in the kitchen. I am often interviewing people via zoom so just have to be honest and let them know, not had a problem so far

TeachesOfPeaches · 12/11/2020 19:25

I'm a single parent working full time from home and have to do this twice per day 5 days per week. Luckily my work is fine with it

SummerHouse · 12/11/2020 19:30

Another poster made me see this issue more clearly by speaking of The Very Important Work that men have to do especially in the context of WFH.

To do lists are along these lines.

Woman's to do list: childcare, pack ups, uniform, school admin, cooking, cleaning, shopping, life admin, bedtime, homework, school runs, work.

Men's to do list: get coffee, go into room that's the most remote it can be within the home, close door, emerge after bedtime.

Leaannb · 12/11/2020 19:35

@SummerHouse

Another poster made me see this issue more clearly by speaking of The Very Important Work that men have to do especially in the context of WFH.

To do lists are along these lines.

Woman's to do list: childcare, pack ups, uniform, school admin, cooking, cleaning, shopping, life admin, bedtime, homework, school runs, work.

Men's to do list: get coffee, go into room that's the most remote it can be within the home, close door, emerge after bedtime.

Only because some women put up with it. No sympathy

SimonJT · 12/11/2020 19:37

If his employer allows childcare during working hours and the children are old enough to not need direct supervision I don’t see the problem. His employer might be more keen if the pick up day isn’t on a drop off day.

I can’t do any drop offs at the minute as I can’t start work any later than 8:30, its shit.

thepeopleversuswork · 12/11/2020 19:39

Unless his employer is particularly strict and restrictive on this from yes of course he should.

InTheLongGrass · 12/11/2020 19:43

How old is DC2?
Currently our 9 year old is walking to/from school on his own (well, walking home he comes 90%of the way with another child in his class) but DH is at home when he gets here.
A just turned 4yr old is a different proposition to someone at the upper end of primary.

RedskyAtnight · 12/11/2020 19:52

The bit that is the potential sticking point if the after school. How old are the DC and how long will they be expected to amuse themselves? If 7+ I think this is fine. If younger than that and it's more than an hour or so, it may be unrealistic.

(I'm assuming here that your DH's work is fine with him taking time out to do the school run).

Original poster

1400spincycle · 12/11/2020 19:58

DC2 is 5...

@SummerHouse yes I think DHs reluctance to do it is partly due to this.

I think both he and his company are very lucky that so far I have been home to do 100% of homeschooling and working hours childcare this year!

Before everyone piles on I do need to say that DH does do his share of house stuff and child stuff - outside of working hours! but due to covid I have been a SAHM so have done most of it.

However I don’t think I (or my career) can stand being out any longer. I am lucky to have found a decent part time job in my field and I am not prepared to give it up!

I will look again at after school nannies but so far no where I have tried has covered my area. My friend can’t help me as her DCs are in a different bubble... I really think DH will just have to step up.

OP posts:

FlyingPandas · 12/11/2020 20:01

Yep agree with two previous posters-dc age is key.

We will have a similar scenario because I’m starting a new job soon too and DH (high earner with senior director level type job) will be doing the afternoon school run four days out of five. But in our case we live close to the school, it’s only one child to collect (older two make their own way home) and he’ll only have them for an hour max before I’ll be home, during which time they’ll basically have a snack and watch tv. Both younger dc are upper primary age. It would be more of an issue if they were younger and/or needing care for longer.

SimonJT · 12/11/2020 20:04

5, my son is 5, if I’m lucky I get ten minutes of peace, there is no way I can work with him here, which is why I was furloughed for a while.

Will his employer allow him to move his working hours so he can catch up when the 5 year old is in bed?

Original poster

1400spincycle · 12/11/2020 20:10

Yes the agreement is that he can make time up if he needs to take time for essential childcare. The DCs might be little but they can be happy with a snack and TV for an hour or so if needed.

OP posts:

AnneElliott · 12/11/2020 20:14

Yes I think he should do it. Many women doing exactly the same. 5 year old can be bribed surely with TV and a snack?

What time would you be home?

ivegotthisyeah · 12/11/2020 20:19

I'm a single parent my two eldest stopped going to after school club as they used to, thinking it could just nip and get them.
I regret it now if I have a meeting I'm always saying sorry I have to do the school run and it's not sitting right with me although work are ok about it. The after school in front of the telly works only sometimes, mostly they argue and want to talk to me so I get nothing done. My school run time is 10 mins. Your husbands is 40. Honestly it's not as great as it sounds however if it's very short term then possibly doable

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/11/2020 20:20

I drop and collect my dc and work FT from home. I also do the ft work and any schoolwork during the 2 14day isolation they've had to have too. Needs must.

He needs. So he must.

OverTheRubicon · 12/11/2020 20:24

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I drop and collect my dc and work FT from home. I also do the ft work and any schoolwork during the 2 14day isolation they've had to have too. Needs must.

He needs. So he must.

And that's good for you, but many of us would be facing performance reviews or disciplinaries for this, even if there was more flex during the full lockdown, because we need to be on call during certain periods.

It sounds like maybe he can and if so he should. But there are other options out there, in almost all places.

SimonJT · 12/11/2020 20:25

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I drop and collect my dc and work FT from home. I also do the ft work and any schoolwork during the 2 14day isolation they've had to have too. Needs must.

He needs. So he must.

If I did that I would lose my job.

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