to expect DH to do this childcare?

[1400spincycle]

DH works from home full time. ( normally 8-5). I have been off this year due to covid but I have a new part time job starting soon.

I was expecting to use school wraparound to cover some pick ups/ drop offs. We used to use it before and it’s worked well. Unfortunately they have changed how many children they can take because of covid and there is no space for DC2. We are on a waiting list...

There are no local childminders with space who offer pick ups etc from the DCs school...

I think DH can do 3 drop offs and 1 pick up while he is WFH. (He has previously had flexibility for childcare approved by his company so they should be ok if he makes up the hours) On a drop off DH should be able to start by 9 and pick up normally takes around 40 mins. After which DCs could watch TV while he works.

AIBU to think this is reasonable for a temporary solution while we wait for a wraparound place?

On

Can he take the 40 mins as his meal break?

I agree every day would be impossible, but this is 1 day a week...

And crossing my fingers the waiting list clears soon...

Your marriage isn’t a partnership, he could help but doesn’t want to.

I’d resent a man that mean.

Wake up woman and smell the coffee! Stop this behaviour now and make sure he backs you up in the way that you have backed him.

If course yanbu. He’s been lucky to have you at home for the bulk of this year. If he can’t make it work he needs to find another solution.

He has previously had flexibility for childcare approved by his company so they should be ok if he makes up the hours

Then yes he absolutely should be doing this.

That's what many in our area are doing because they're now wfh. It's stuffed the after school club for the rest of us who can't wfh because their bookings are down so there are less staff and they've changed the way they run so there are no flexibility anymore. Ironically they provided the emergency childcare for key workers during lockdown, many of whom are shift workers and need flexibility. The service has since been shafted indirectly by the Government because of the huge changes to the way people work.

Prob what's going on in your area too, all 'because of covid', but not directly because of the virus risk. Your DH and his employer have to adapt like everyone else is or your only other choice is not to both work at the same time, or at all.

If there are no spaces at after school club then we are planning on me doing all the drop offs and DH doing 3 pick ups a week (I work 3 days a week).

Luckily he has flexible working and most of his team are parents.

If I did that I would lose my job
That’s a nice irrelevant little anecdote. His work have agreed this as a work pattern so doing this 40 minute pick up once per week is perfectly manageable and he won’t lose his job.
My dh has to leave work just after 4:30 to do pick up every day. I’m sure that’s not easy but they are his kids too.

timeisnotaline
It's good you have it agreed.
Where you've been a bit unreasonable is deciding that because you've done it then 'He needs. So he must'.

Just because you have one arrangement approved doesn't mean everyone else should be able to do the same.

His company aren't lucky you have been doing childcare up until now. I would be careful approaching them with that tact.

It’s nothing to do with his company. Op and her dh are both parents and she has been picking up the bulk of the childcare for most of this year. Now she needs support, and if dh can’t square this with work, and of course they have no obligation to support his childcare requirements, then HE will have to find another solution whether it is alternative childcare or a nanny or whatever.

@luadipa OP said her OH and his company were lucky, I was pointing out the company were not lucky

@LolaSmiles

timeisnotaline It's good you have it agreed. Where you've been a bit unreasonable is deciding that because you've done it then 'He needs. So he must'.

Just because you have one arrangement approved doesn't mean everyone else should be able to do the same.

Umm. It’s not he should be able to do it because I can. It’s he should absolutely be able to do it because... his own work have already approved it. If I negotiate working 4 days a week with my work I expect to work 4 days a week. He’s negotiated flexible work to pick up his kids. This means he can work flexibly to pick up his kids.

Of course he can do it 1 day a week!

FFS, if he needs to he can offer to drop his hours that afternoon so they don’t pay him for it - which they won’t want, as they’re happy with him making up the time and have agreed flex for childcare. He is a parent, his employer knows that and he knows that. He can sort the (impossible) childcare solution for that day if it’s a big issue for him. It’s not just the mother’s job to sort out childcare.

timeisnotaline
I read the OP as saying he had previously arranged flexible working to pick up the kids so his work should be ok with it, not that this is a current arrangement.

If the old arrangements still stand then yes he should be able to do some of it. If he's since gone back to his original pattern then there's no reason to assume that his work would be fine as long as he makes up the hours. Many places, for example, allowed some flexibility earlier in the year but that hasn't translated into a long term agreement for changes of hours and working patterns.

Of course he should do it. That is what his flexi is for.

I'm a senior finance professional working with global teams, and my husband runs a UK company for an overseas firm. We couldn't get our kids into wrap around care (long story) so at the start of the week we work out who can do which drop off/pick up, they go in the diary and we work around that. It's never been a problem, even when one of my kids walked in on an important cross-border pitch meeting. The days of employees being required to pretend they don't have families are, thankfully, long gone in my industry.

His work have approved it previously, so what's his concern?

Or has he just got used to not needing to do it?

I think both he and his company are very lucky that so far I have been home to do 100% of homeschooling and working hours childcare this year!

Agree with the previous poster who said his company aren't 'lucky' that you have been doing childcare. They pay him to do a full time job. It sounds like they may be amenable to him working flexi hours, but again, they may not. Ultimately any employer is focused on their business needs as their priority. They certainly won't prioritise your desire to start a new part time job as being critical if it affects their needs.

I'm not saying you are wrong to want to do this and I can see the problems - but you need to realise that they might not agree to a change in DH working hours. He'll need to ask.

YANBU.

YANBU. He's just going to have to get on with it until after school care is available. Honestly, do not give up this opportunity.

Ultimately he need to ok the three late starts and 1 early finish with work.