To not put my shy boy in to classes

[Nutellacoconut]

I have a shy 6 year old son. I've tried him at football and at martial arts and he spent the time crying or with a wobbly lip or trying to cling on to me. He has always been shy.

He is a wonderful person but shyness is always raised by his teachers and I can see it paralyses him in social situations. He does have friends but he waits for them to come to him in social situations eg playground.

With the classes, I did not persist... but am I making a mistake? Making him an introvert? Am I unreasonable to not put him in to such classes because he's shy? I do not want to overwhelm him and make him more shy ultimately, but I don't want to cocoon him in a introvert bubble either!

Advice would be appreciated!

Ask him what he wants to try maybe music or drama or chess

Not every kid is suited to foot ball or martial arts

A good drama groupo can be great find one which is nurturing

What does your boy like doing?
What music does he likje?
Take himthru orchestra what instrument nspires him?

I don't think that you will "make him an introvert". I also don't think you need to make him do classes that he doesn't want to do, but I do think you need a strategy to help him address the shyness.

I was painfully shy as a child, and it was crippling in so many ways. I really wish my parents had done something about it, rather than just shrugging their shoulders and accepting it as the way I was.

Lots of good advice here. I thought I would just mention that I was just like your son. Painfully shy and socially anxious. My mother relentlessly sent me to every kind of extra curricular activity and would beat me and shout afterwards if I was too shy to take part. It sounds like you are sensitive to your son's needs and forcing him is very wrong if it really upsets him. When I was younger I would have really valued my mum sitting and gently talking to me about how I was feeling in the classes, telling me it was okay to feel this way and we were going to work on trying to make me feel less scared in these situations. Then together coming up with a plan of what to do, whether to carry on or not. It's worth telling him that we can never overcome a fear by always hiding from it. If he is scared of new situations the best way is to gently try to face them one small step at a time.

I managed to overcome a lot of my issues but am still a quiet person.

My son is an introvert I’m not. He loves climbing etc so I stupidly got him into gymnastics not thinking about the performance aspect. He hated that. He is managing swimming okay. He wanted to learn an instrument which is going well as it is 1:1 and if he progresses then he could play with others without having to talk to them 🤣

Try a 'soft' drama group, or a recreational dance class. Maybe non-competitive gymnastics.

On another side, chess, card games, board game clubs when he's a bit older.

I wouldn't force it. It's genuinely not worth real upset.

@Embracelife

Ask him what he wants to try maybe music or drama or chess

Not every kid is suited to foot ball or martial arts

A good drama groupo can be great find one which is nurturing

What does your boy like doing?
What music does he likje?
Take himthru orchestra what instrument nspires him?

He's happiest playing at toys, making up stories, drawing comics and enjoys walking in the woods. He's a 'young' 6 if you know what I mean.

I must add that I am in no way disappointed about my son's personality. He's caring, thoughtful, creative, funny and very loving. I just don't want the shy part limiting him taking part in things he would like to do or stopping him speaking up for himself.

Some of the comments have provoked another thought - perhaps he needs more 1-2-1 time. He has younger (extrovert) siblings and parents with crazy work patterns and just doesn't get that exclusive time. Will adapt things to make that happen and see if it helps. Would be interested to know if those who are more shy didn't gave that 1-2-1 time with parents!

I don't think I would push him. He sounds like an introvert or highly sensitive, that is just his make up and there are as many positives to that as there are to being extrovert. Maybe a smaller group or one with less stimulation. An activity that you can do on your own alongside others rather than always with others. I would wait until he shows an interest in something and explore that. Or if there's a friend who is interested in karate too and they could go together.

Maybe sports aren't his thing? Might he be happier at something quieter and less physical like a lego club or code club?

Or maybe something animal related. Horse riding?

My sister was always very shy but she just grew out of it eventually, can't shut her up now haha. Ill never forget my art teacher telling me he was extremely shy and his mother actually got him a job on the veg stall in the local market so he had to shout and speak to customers! Have you maybe asked your son what he would enjoy class wise? If you can get him in a class where he is interested he might come out of his shell a bit.

I agree with PP's, I'm son really like Beavers

My 7yo has never wanted to do any classes or clubs (we’ve tried a few) as he has enough of being told what to do at school.

It’s frustrating but plenty of children don’t do extra-curricular activities at that age and get on fine.

I was a very shy child and I did a lot of classes etc but I don't remember much before the age of 7 when I joined Brownies.

I always went with at least one friend though and tended to be quite clingy with them so I'm not sure it massively increased my social circle or my confidence in new settings. I remember always feeling at least a bit of dread about going, having a good time once I was there, and a lot of relief when I got home.

I tried to do the same with ds1, but he's naturally drifted away from most things and I'm not going to make him stick at something he's not interested in.

Ds2 is 7 and gets horribly anxious at the thought of classes or clubs, even though he's sport-mad and would get a massive amount out of a football or rugby group once he settled in. It's not worth forcing him as he really kicks off and point blank refuses to join in which is just miserable for everyone involved (he does go to Beavers but it took a painful series of meetings with me sitting outside the hall with him for the first 2 weeks, and then gradually him joining in - I'd have chucked it but I'd agreed to take one of his friends who wouldn't have been able to go if we hadn't).

So, I'd agree with not putting your shy boy into classes unless it's something he's expressed an interest in, and even then if you can find someone he already knows who's going as well it will help him settle.

And for me, my shyness is definitely intrinsic - I was born that way. My dad's very similar and so is ds1. Honestly, we live lovely, fulfilled lives!

Nature clubs at local park or wildlife centre?
Look online for when lockdown lifts
So msny things betond footbsll
Woodland trust

Out of school Activities are supposed to be fun, not stress inducing and traumatic. Ignore people saying persist in taking him and leave him there. Not nice at all for your ds, and certainly not the job of the Activity leader/organiser to spend time having to comfort an upset child and persuade them to join in.