New bed

[SoxN]

Please, I need some insight to ABU -

I will keep it brief, after a huge battle with finances, we have finally had a bit of money. Not lots, a few thousand, its good to have something in the bank after a huge struggle the past year.

Our bed broke about half a year ago, and we've slept on a mattress on the floor. Not ideal but it was our reality.

Ive been baying this money we have, as who knows with covid when we will have money again. Dp is self employed, I am SAHM.

Today DP randomly left, and 20 minutes later, £400 down, returns with a huge divan bed and mattress. So big none of my bedsheets fit it. No talking to me,.no pre-warning, no discussion- except for a couple of passing statements between us over the last week or so that we should buy a bed, and a few months ago, when we didn't have the money DP stopping at a shop and getting me to lie on a couple of mattresses, which I half arsed said were OK.

Ive gone from being livid, to being upset, to finding it somewhat funny, to livid and back to upset again now.

Im currently sat on massive bed, which is about meter from the floor, and the mattress is like a brick. Like sitting on a giant over sized brick.

DP is claiming im wrong to be upset, I treat him like shit (I absolutely do not), he was trying to do 'something nice', cant see what the problem is, that im disgusting etc.

AIBU? Would you be upset?
I feel like my wants, opinion or feelings don't matter one little bit, I cant decide if I'm justified in feeling this way, or if I should give my head a wobble and just try and get on with the horrible bed that I would never have chosen in a million years.

Thank you, for replying on my dull and ridiculous post.

DP has spoke to the shop and they have said they will accept it back, DP is saying that he doesnt want to take the divan back as it was "only £100" but he will absolutely be loading it back on the van to take back.

We have a "covid safe" appointment at 3pm. The shock of him doing this didn't even register that bedshops won't even be open at the moment, so looks like I'm stuck with this small independent shop, with £400 credit.
I am wondering, if I stick another hundred or so to the £400, will that get us a decent mattress? Im am still very annoyed. I have no idea what I am looking for, and this would have been a big purchase I would have researched and likely spent a while choosing and visiting bed shops.

I'm thinking we could get a decent mattress with the whole of the money, prehaps putting more toward it, and then buy a bed at a later date when we can afford one, as the mattress is clearly the most important thing?

@Tadpolesandfroglets

We struggled to buy a new bed for less than £700 so wondering where he got that amazing deal! But yes, would be cross I wasn’t consulted but wonder (if anything like my husband) that he was just ‘problem solving’ and trying to be helpful is his own weird way?

This is what he claims, he is absolutely baffled to why I am so upset. I just find it so difficult to accept that a man in his 50s, previously married and a previous serious relationship, had no idea that this wasn't just a "pop into a shop and buy" deal.

Honestly, he was only gone for 20 minutes. I thought he had popped to the post office!

I am feeling a little more calm now I know they will have it back. Im just hoping they have something else to suit. It was a small warehouse discount style shop, with not a great deal in it. If I remember right.

I shall keep the thread up to date!

We just bought a mattress of mattress man website and it’s very comfy.

OP Emma beds - order on line - deliver to home on about 90 day take back if you don’t like it and have great reviews - try them for new one ( glad your DH uncomfortable 😀) May plan ahead next time

Hello followers of this dull and boring thread

So we loaded on horrible mattress and divan last night. Got to shop, tried mattresses together, and chose one. DP and shop guy go to take mattress off van for exchange, shop guy find a rip in the material, refuses exchange.

DP starts making deals quickly with shop guy. I step in, DP has said that we will pay for new mattress and they can have the other one back anyway, I step in, absolutely not - if we don't get money back or off for old mattress, it shall be coming back with us.

So, now we have the old brick mattress in the spare room, and a new comfortable one... on the floor.... in our bed room.

So all in all, its cost us almost £600 because DP is an idiot... and we are still sleeping on a mattress on the floor... except now, we are also plus one, mattress that will never be used.

And to me, the new mattress is no better than the original mattress DP took to the tip.

Didnt like the shop either, they were fast paced and pushy, and I really had to speak up and stand my ground with what I wanted.

Also, a warehouse full of men, who absolutely went around saying "aww, he was just trying to do something nice. Go easy on him"

Gave me the rage. This had nothing to do with me.

So, that's the conclusion of mattress gate. Im currently searching online for nice beds, but a bit begrudged to buy one now, after this expense, when we really need to keep some money in the bank!

Op please invest in a thick mattress topper or two, it can really transform your hard mattress. Brand alley online have really thick airpocket mattress toppers for about £40, reduced from £99.
They can make a huge difference, even better if you also shop around for a memory foam topper underneath them.

Then you could keep the first hard mattress and possible sell the second on if you haven't unwrapped it.

Also an ugly divan can be improved hugely by buying an inexpensive cover for the box base, google them, lots of colours to match your room. Then buy a nice headboard, and the ugly bed could be a comfortably and good looking one.

More importantly though, are you happy in this relationship?

@Dragongirl10 The divan has been returned, thankfully. So divan not a problem anymore.
Thank you for the recommendation for the toppers, I shall look into it.
The second mattress was slept on last night as no way could I sleep on "the brick" again.

As for my relationship, It is very mixed. I am in a position where to be honest I couldnt leave easily if I wanted to (SAHM, Financially in a very, very poor place, might not get any better, it remains to be seen) I love him, we get on most of the time, but he's a very difficult man (as im sure is obviously by his behaviour and treatment of me ive described on this thread), many things at play.

If I won the lottery tommorow, I would be on my own for the rest of my days, knowing what I know now.

Unfortunately for now, it will be a case of wait and see. Leaving right now isn't an option, without going into too much detail and outing myself.

I am glad that you have sorted the bed.
I feel more concerned about the situation you are in.

Is there any way you could utilise any skills you have to earn some money, or brief retraining that could allow you to start to build independence ?
As you have children l realise it is more limited but maybe there are options for you to home work in some way or flexibly?
Please feel free to ignore if this has somewhat derailled your post!

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. He is telling you loud and clear your thoughts and feelings don't matter. I would go apeshit at this. A bed is so important.