Am I being paranoid re DP's friend with my DS?

[mammamia70]

I am not a paranoid person by nature (although I have changed my name incase anyone who knows anyone connected with me could work out who am talking about ) but I have a really uncomfortable feeling about one of DP's friends. He is not a particularly close or long standing friend of his but they worked together for a year, have kept in touch and see each other every so often. Anyway he has been round to ours for dinner on a few occasions, is perfectly pleasant but gives me the creeps (and I am usually quite a chilled, accept everyone kind of person which is why I am worried about him). He is great with ds (1), plays with him, loads of attention and presents etc. A month ago he was round and I was bathing ds, he came into the bathroom (we live in a tiny flat, it is by the kitchen where dp was cooking so this wasnt unusual). Anyway he took about 10 pics of ds in the bath. This would never normally bother me but I hated it! Just wanted to delete all the photos. I don't like him being anywhere near ds and when he came to the party for friends we had for ds's b'day he bought a mate round who ALSO gave me the same reaction! He also took loads of photos of the kids. Why? He doesnt know them, they are friends he is unlikely to see again etc. Reading this back I feel pathetic/as if I am suffering from paranoia but I can't help it. Should I just have a word with myself or trust my instincts? Also when I was clearing up in the garden alone after the party he came to say bye and I hated being alone with him. DP thinks I am being unfair and exaggerating although has agreed to not leave ds alone ever with him as I feel so strongly about it. Am I a cow/over protective Mother?? Help?

Always trust your instincts. Especially where your children are concerned.

FWIW, from what you've said, I don't think I would feel comfortable around him either. And I'd definitely make sure he didn't come in the house with a camera again. Even at the risk of offending him. It doesn't sound right at all.

The more I read what you've said the more I don't like it - why would 2 grown men take loads of pictures of children they don't even know? I'm guessing they didn't do it to send/e-mail the pictures back to you? Or because your dh asked them to or something?

it may be perfectly innocent (although wouldnt let any1 take pics of dd in bath) but trust ur instincts and just dont let there be a situation u feel uncomfy with.

myself and my dh wouldn't like that one bit!!! we have friends who love taking pics of our kids....but they are mutual friends who we both know, and they would never want to come and watch our kids get a bath, and certainly not take any photo's.....they can barely talk to me when i change a nappy let alone when they are fully naked in the bath!!!

YANBU!!!! i would have said something to him myself if that was me!!!

i think if you feel uncomfortable,wether rightly or wrongly go with your gut feeling.
it might all be harmless enough,but why would a person who is not a member of the family or a close friend want to have pictures of your dc in the bath anyway. I wouldn't like it.
If you don't want him in the bathroom with your ds,just say politely that your son is having a bath,we'll be out in a minute,if you don't like it make it clear. Most people would be totally understanding and respect what you say.

No sensible man takes pictures of other people's children in the bath when the relationship is as distant as you describe. Sad but true.

And why would his mate want pics of children he doesn't know?

Don't jump to any conclusions but if he makes you feel odd, that's all you need to know.

Trust your instinct.

When we had our house done up there was a constant stream of blokes coming in and out and I was fine, but a gasman came and he really made me feel odd, dont know why was chatty enough - but i rang my mum and asked her to come round.

Some people just trigger this wariness - and I think you should listen.

I would also get you DP to ring him and ask him to delete the bath photos.

I dont mean to sound harsh but i dont understand why you would allow a man that you had bad feelings about to take photos of your child in the bath.

Why didn't you just say 'no. dont take photos - im not comfatable with that'

??

YANBU better an over-reaction than the horrible alternative. as kits says get those photos deleted.

We live in Italy so part of me thinks am I just being overly British and reserved about things? They are so besotted with kids here and when we have friends round they all usually gather round to attend bath time and that has NEVER bothered me before which is why I am worried this time.
This is the problem with bloody camera phones, people always have them on them!
And no Baffy we didn't ask them to take photos, I'd never met this other guy before and there he was taking photos. DP has said that this other guy has a child of his own but that doesnt mean anything to me! Nor do I know that's a fact! Now I am getting paranoid.

Mammamia, we can all look back and think 'oh why didn't we say something at the time?' but its not always easy in the moment. I don't think you are being paraniod at all. I don't know how you would go about getting the photos deleted, in fact you might not be able too,but at least you know now that it won't be happening again. Stand your ground girl!! Your dc's,your feelings!!

yanbu or paranoid. might be totally innocent but I would feel equally uncomfortable and wary in your position.

does he have a partner or children? most people these days wouldnt evem attempt to photoghrph a child naked without permission. my dd bathes with a friends dd and i always ask if she minds me photographing them.

Go with your instincts. I would rather offend a (not particularly close) friend than put my children into a situation where they might be abused.

I would also not be happy with the bath photos, although I do not know how I would have stopped him taking them.

Morning skerry

YANBU. Trust your instincts, they are right 99% of the time. Stick to your guns with DH, about keeping these two at a distance in future.

God I feel awful now! Feel like have let DS down totally! Will talk to dp this eve. Don't see how can get photos deleted but dont want him round again.

THis does sound a bit odd. No pooint in making a big deal about the photographs already taken (after all, the taking of them ddn'thurt your DS in any way but do make sure that DS isn't alone with this man, cool off the friendship - i you don' like him, why should you have to put up withmore than the bare minimum of his company. And next time he gets a camera out, say that DS is not keen on having his picture taken. If he doesn't stop then, get assertive, if need be ask him tolevethe house. If heis a bit odgy he wil back off f he thinks you have rumbled him,i he's harmless hewill bck offbecause h doesn';t want to pset ou.

Here in Germany, you are not allowed to take photos in the swimming baths, even of your own children. I do not know if this is common in UK, but it does illustrate how much more cautious we are becoming about taking photos of children partially clothed.

sKM
I think that Mammammia meant that the Italians are much more touchy feely with children that we reserved Brits. I know our DCs were always getting hugged and patted in Italy.

So your dh thinks it is acceptable for an acquaintance to invade your personal space and that of your children? He also thinks it is acceptable for people to take picures of your children in the bath? He needs a reality check.
I think this man is quite a clever, calculating person who knows how to turn a situation around to make it look like you are overeacting. He has your dh fooled, but he hasn't fooled you. Trust your instincts and don't allow him in your house again. If your dh wants to go out with him then let him, but I would make it clear to dh that you don't like him.

My partner will hardly let anyone outside the family take pictures of our daughter. You are not being paranoid. It all sounds very odd.

You haven't let him down just take it as a lesson learned. Don't beat yourself up about the photos whats done is done now. All of us have had little blips along the way,and at least you were quick enough to pick up on it. Have a word with DP, use us all to back you up!!!!

If this man is not a particularly close friend of your dp's, then I think you need to ask him to quietly drop the friendship. If it makes you that unhappy, then you need to do what you can to protect your children. The fact that he brings round a complete stranger who acts in the same manner would have all sorts of alarm bells ringing for me.

Tell your dp you are concerned and, as his dad, he should be doing all he can to protect his children, which means dropping this friend.