Am I being paranoid re DP's friend with my DS?

[mammamia70]

I am not a paranoid person by nature (although I have changed my name incase anyone who knows anyone connected with me could work out who am talking about ) but I have a really uncomfortable feeling about one of DP's friends. He is not a particularly close or long standing friend of his but they worked together for a year, have kept in touch and see each other every so often. Anyway he has been round to ours for dinner on a few occasions, is perfectly pleasant but gives me the creeps (and I am usually quite a chilled, accept everyone kind of person which is why I am worried about him). He is great with ds (1), plays with him, loads of attention and presents etc. A month ago he was round and I was bathing ds, he came into the bathroom (we live in a tiny flat, it is by the kitchen where dp was cooking so this wasnt unusual). Anyway he took about 10 pics of ds in the bath. This would never normally bother me but I hated it! Just wanted to delete all the photos. I don't like him being anywhere near ds and when he came to the party for friends we had for ds's b'day he bought a mate round who ALSO gave me the same reaction! He also took loads of photos of the kids. Why? He doesnt know them, they are friends he is unlikely to see again etc. Reading this back I feel pathetic/as if I am suffering from paranoia but I can't help it. Should I just have a word with myself or trust my instincts? Also when I was clearing up in the garden alone after the party he came to say bye and I hated being alone with him. DP thinks I am being unfair and exaggerating although has agreed to not leave ds alone ever with him as I feel so strongly about it. Am I a cow/over protective Mother?? Help?

Sorry, as their dad, not his.

You haven't let your DS down at all.

It sounds like you have genuine concerns.

Like everyone else has said, trust your own instincts.

Agree with everyone else. Definately.

You are in control in your own house. Do not let these people in any longer. Alarm bells also rang loudly at this comment of yours:-

"I don't like him being anywhere near ds and when he came to the party for friends we had for ds's b'day he bought a mate round who ALSO gave me the same reaction! He also took loads of photos of the kids".

It's good to know you guys would have had same reaction I guess. Feel so guilty re friends kids as well who were photographed. I feel sick to think he has photos, am looking at DS at the moment, all innocent and chubby and ready to have a nap and I can't stop crying.

If your instinct is telling you something is wrong then you're probably right. Stop inviting him, it doesn't sound like you or your dp are getting anything out of this 'friendship' anyway. And it is a bit odd to take bath photos of a baby you don't really know. My mum = fair enough, anyone else = why?

Agree there's absolutely no point in making anything of photos already taken. Just quietly drop him.

it's not a big deal, so what, he's got a few pictures of a few babies, honestly, don't worry about it - he could equally have taken pictures in a park/wherever so there's really no point imo in worrying about that.

But just stop seeing him.

I agree.

Many men seem to create their raison d'etre at occasions by video-ing and photographing ebverything, but if he gives you the creeps, you don't want, need nor have to feel obliged to be friends with him. So don't be!

don't cry. Nothing's happened. Everyone is fine. He is probably alright too - just a bit odd.

OK am feeling better now, thanks for the support and the reassurance that am not overreacting. will talk to dp tonight. going to have a nice cosy day watching the wiggles and seeing if ds can progress from 6 steps to 8 today by himself!

god i'll prolly get slated for saying this but you could call nspcc or some other org if you suspect foul play. it is anonymous. this would play on my mind.

don't let this upset you further, but make it clear that you will not accept this person in your home anymore and if it were me, i would insist that my DP cut contact, how DARE he take photos of your little boy in the bath! Like you say, it could be a culture thing, but it is the fact he gave you the creeps also. Trust your instincts

Try not to dwell on what has happened, but in the future with this man be on your guard. I think you are right to be concerned but also not to get hystercial. You sound pretty sorted to me, youve had a shock but now is the time to watch him like a hawk. This could all be perfectly innocent even though it does not fit in with what we might consider to be accectable behaviour.

Well there are reasonable reasons for taking photographs of other people's kids. Anyone who is a professional photographer or indeed an aspiring one, trying to build up a portfolio of general subjects, might want to take photographs of other people's children - and as any professional, semi-professional or aspiring photographer will tell you (at extreme and boring length) you have to take a lot of pictures to get a few good ones.

However, anyone who wants to take photographs of anyone they don't know well - or even of people they do know well - for artistic or semi-professional (but not wierd pervy) reasons usually asks nicely, explains what they are doing, and given how very sensitive the issue of photographing children can be, usually falls over themselves to give you references, proof of ID, promises of prints for you to keep, etc.

No harm at all has been done to your DS or anyone else, but if this man creeps you out then keep him out of the house. If your DP must stay friends with him then they can socialise in the local bars.
If your DP is inclined to treat you like a silly paranoid irrational female then, OK< that's something else you need to address, but maybe you could suggest to him that your DS doesnt like the man much and that is a good reason for keeping Mr Creepy away.

YANBU Seeing as your dp is on such good terms with him, why don't you get him to ask for copies of the photos, everyone likes nice photos of their kids and if he refuses then maybe you have more to worry about iyswim