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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Has anybody had inappropriate pm’s on mumsnet?

70 replies

Tinyandpetite · 10/11/2020 23:14

I’ve never checked my m’s partly, partly because I never thought I’d get any. I saw today where they were - and this was from March this year. I didn’t realize people were looking for hookups on mumsnet. Has anybody else experienced this?

Has anybody had inappropriate pm’s on mumsnet?
OP posts:
rainbowbritesgreenfriend · 11/11/2020 07:43

Not sexually inappropriate but a few years ago after I posted on the Relationships board, a woman who was having similar problems to me started messaging me frequently, asking for advice. It felt a bit like being a personal agony aunt so I ended up ignoring the messages.

Silverstripe · 11/11/2020 07:51

I had an abusive message from one weirdo who was annoyed I wasn’t replying to her rude messages on a thread and PMd me to be a dick about it, but nothing soliciting hookups! Well done for reporting.

Reborn2020 · 11/11/2020 07:56

Username attracts the pond dwellers.

Same on dating sites usernames such as 'sexygirl' 'tinyandpetite' 'funlovingsxbabe' tend to attract the ones looking for a FB .... the names hit the weirdos right in the brain area in the groin

GreenlandTheMovie · 11/11/2020 08:01

I received some really bad abusive pms from a very aggressive male poster on one of the relationship threads last week. Mumsnet had banned his account and his replacement account several times so he set up yet another one. He seems to have done this to quite a few posters, who disagreed with his notions that women should be happy to offer NSA sex as we are all ugly and can't get a man.

He made references to discussing us on certain groups set up by man to discuss women in that way. I'm a sanguine character who works in the legal field so I was more fascinated than upset, as being given an example of deviance and minor personality disorder is really quite interesting.

But I've noticed that in the last year or so, men have been using all forms of social media to try and instigate hook ups. Facebook is ridiculous and I'm running at 2-3 friend requests a week from men I've never heard of (I don't accept as they send you messages like "are you in bed yet?" only yesterday, a friend of a friend I'd added declared undying love for me, although he lives in another country and I don't know him and claimed to be broken hearted because I "wasn't writing to him", and promptly blocked me!

I now have a vision of hordes of lonely men whose social skills are so terrible, they cannot get a woman, huddled over Internet sites with similar individuals, giving each other advice such as "if you suggest sex to a complete stranger, she'll be really flattered and you'll be in there", only to be followed by bitter criticism of women "ignoring" them. Because clearly for these men, online dating and Tinder isn't working, so they are branching out.

DrDetriment · 11/11/2020 08:13

No, but then my user name hardly screams sex.

HopeMumsnet · 11/11/2020 08:21

@Wellhellyeah

It's NOT because of your username it's because someone is a test and thinks it's ok to send. They might have sent it to you because they think they're in wit more of a chance but it isn't because of YOU. I've only had MLM onesConfused
Hi there Tiny (or whatever you change your name to), We're sorry about this horrible experience, and as we said in our email we have banned the man who was doing this. Just to confirm what Wellhellyeah said, though, it's not the fault of your name' choices fault that this happened, it's just someone being opportunistic and creepy. There's every chance he'd have targetted RoughAsFuck as well (honestly if that name hasn't been taken we're 'avin that). Anyway, apologies again. Anyone receiving these sorts of messages doesn't have to put up with it, we want to hear from you, and we're glad you reported it to us. Thanks.
BashfulClam · 11/11/2020 08:23

I got a sun journalist one, I told them to duck off and reported it. I also got a strange one from someone claiming be a single Mother who needed money, it disappeared I assume they hadn’t just contacted me and MNHQ were on the case.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 11/11/2020 08:35

I once took part in a thread about bras for the big boobed.

I had a pm offering to buy any used bras from me. Yes l did report it!

SkedaddIe · 11/11/2020 08:50

Better be quick @HopeMumsnet

Has anybody had inappropriate pm’s on mumsnet?
BrimFullOfAsher · 11/11/2020 08:55

Oh god yes, a guy graphically telling me he would like do things to me that his wife won't let him do to her!

HopeMumsnet · 11/11/2020 08:57

@Skedaddle

3rdNamechange · 11/11/2020 10:41

@Tinyandpetite

If someone could please tell me how to change my username on an iPhone I’ll do it. It was because I was always referred to at work as- oh x is the tiny one or the petite one, I didn’t think I’d get fuck buddy requests.
You shouldn't have to change your user name. It's like saying women who wear short skirts are 'asking for it '
Londonmummy66 · 11/11/2020 14:15

I had a really weird one on the back of a thread about name tapes, asking me to send a photo of my child's name-taped clothes - as if I'd be so stupid.....

Tillthesuncomesup · 11/11/2020 14:19

I haven’t received a come on but I responded to a posters thread once saying I thought she was being very harsh on her DM and she sent me an outrageous PM rant saying don’t you dare contact me again at the end...even though I hadn’t contacted her at all just replied to the thread.

Another time a poster replied to my post on a thread saying she had reported me for sending her horrible messages and I wasn’t going to get away with it! Even though I’d never sent anyone a PM!

Bound to be some crazies on MN

Aridane · 11/11/2020 15:31

@TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince

I once took part in a thread about bras for the big boobed.

I had a pm offering to buy any used bras from me. Yes l did report it!

How much for?
TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 12/11/2020 08:49

They just offered a ‘good price’😄

Stillgoings · 12/11/2020 09:10

I replied to a post on the sex boards once and an opportunistic man sent me a direct message. I was shocked and immediately changed.my username. It was the first thing I thought to do.

Aridane · 12/11/2020 09:14

@Stillgoings - did you report to MNHQ?

Hoppinggreen · 12/11/2020 09:15

No Pervy ones but I got a nasty one once calling me a “British cunt”
It was from a very clearly unhinged American poster who took issue with something I said on a thread
I replied in a similar vein and reported and blocked

Stillgoings · 12/11/2020 09:25

@Aridane no I don't think I did. I deleted it, possibly blocked not sure, and then just name changed. And decided never to post or even look on sex boards again. It wasn't an offensive message. He was just keen to know more about my sexual issues 😱😱😱😱

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