About playdates and wfh

[DancingQueen2018]

Dh is still wfh and will be probably until the spring next year (upstairs in the spare room). It’s not a problem at the moment with lockdown, but previously he’s complained about bringing home other children for a play after school. Not every day - twice a week max, I always keep them downstairs and as quiet as possible, but they’re children and do make a certain amount of noise.

I always did it when he was at work and think he’s being a bit unreasonable it is our home after all, not an office, I’ve offered to keep it to once a week but even that’s too much and he wants none.

AiBU to ignore him and keep having children over once a week once lockdown 2 is done?

Twice a week would do my head in but each to their own would noise cancelling headphones help? If it's for a few hours once or twice a week he should be able to cope. Unless he's doing air traffic control or remote drone strikes or something that really needs concentration.

Yes, yabu really.
Can you not keep playdates to weekends or go to the park after school with dc? There's also plenty of school holidays to host.
I'd not want to hear screaming children if I was working bringing in a wage for the family.

Nose cancelling headphones?

You're a saint having kids over for playdates twice a week, I try and limit it to twice a month!

Leaving that aside, I think once a week would be a fair compromise, surely he could just put headphones in or something if it is just one afternoon.

Are you allowed playdates during lockdown?

Honestly if its within his working hours I don't think he's unreasonable. Obviously your own kids will make a certain level of noise normally, but having another child there usually exacerbates this. They get each other excited, get louder etc. Why can't you have playdates at the weekend instead? Or over for tea in the week (after he's finished work).

Entirely depends on what he does. I frequently have hours of back to back meetings and lots of (preventable) kid shrieking noise would definitely put my professional reputation down the pan.

Once a week or every two weeks of fine.

Surely if you are hosting twice a week your kids are at reciprocal dates with the other families for two days a week as well????

I do think that actually there needs to be some compromise, my dh has always worked shifts and keeping kids quiet during the day was tough. It is your home not an office but for the foreseeable future it is actually an office too.
There needs to be a happy medium.

I think once a week is reasonable, surely by the time they're back from school there's only a couple of working hours left anyway?

@Waveysnail

Nose cancelling headphones?

These sound awesome!

Does he have a lot of teleconferences? If yes, house noise is likely to be heard by all his colleagues and potentially mean anything he says is inaudible.

I think once a week for playdates is a reasonable compromise but I would check with DH is there is a "best" day and/or consider spending some of the playdate in the garden/local park.

I'd do it on a Friday, generally people are winding down then anyway and teams meetings are fewer. And send yours out for playdates as often as you host.

@Nottherealslimshady

Are you allowed playdates during lockdown?

Did you actually read the post?

He doesn’t usually finish until at least 6, so too late for people over after, and weekends are family time so he’s not over keen on then either. It’s trying to work out the least worst option!

What time does he finish work? By the time you’re home it can’t be hours!

@DancingQueen2018

He's being unreasonable!! He can schedule meetings for school hours &/or use headphones. Miserable git.

@Nottherealslimshady the OP covers lockdown in the very first post!

Park is ok, but getting a bit cold and dark now! He works in finance (I also used to do it) so well aware that you do need to concentrate sometimes, but he is senior and I feel could schedule things around it if he wanted to. If he said he had a deadline or similar I obviously wouldn’t have anyone over.

He’s also just not ever so sociable, but me and the kids are!

Noise cancelling headphones are a good call, off to research them for Christmas.

Must be bad enough trying to work through your own kids without importing other people's.

@Spied also no to school holidays, he’s still working. We were out every day in half term.

My younger has lots of play dates, but the older friends parents are mostly working and/or single parents so much trickier to schedule!

He IBU!
He can't say no playdates during the week because he's working and none on the weekend because it's family time. That's not fair.
I think once a week is a good compromise.

Playdates are a pain in the bum but kids love them. I loved them when I was a kid.
I can still remember now how much I loved going to friend's houses for tea or sleepovers and vice versa.
It's just something you have to do as a parent I think.

We've had this issue. DH ordered himself noise cancelling headphones the first day of lockdown which solve the problem most of the time. Bit when he's on calls he can't wear them and we've had a few stressful playdates when I've spent 2 hours shushing everyone, which isn't much fun for anyone.

Why do your children need so many play dates? I think your husband is not being unreasonable.

Your dh doesn’t want playdates after school, at the weekend or during holidays. Basically he doesn’t want play dates for your kids. That is unfair. If he can’t concentrate, he needs to wear headphones. If he has an important meeting, he needs to tell you so that you don’t schedule something that day.

One playdate every couple of weeks should be a fair compromise.
What dos your husband do OP?