To Stop Contact As I Think DD's Father is Embarrassed of Her

[tt3t]

DD is severely disabled and blind, I feel like he doesn't want to see her because of this. He always has pictures with his nieces on his social media but none of dd. None of his family have met dd and don't bother to make contact.

I usually send him a few pictures of dd every so often (to which he never responds) but he has asked me to stop. I'm not sure if he means stop messaging him or stop sending pictures 🤔

DD's father hadn't made contact in a few months, but when his last relationship ended he started visiting about once or twice a month. Now this has stopped again as he has a new partner. I am thinking of stopping all contact with him as this has been going on for 2 years now, since she was born. I feel like it would be best to do this now when she is still young?

I'd stop bothering and cut him out of her life. Make sure to go after him for child maintenance though. He still has to support his daughter, whether he is a waste of space father or not.

Sorry op I didn't mean to vote!

I think this is terrible and I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this.
I think your absolutely right, hides behind cushion, about cutting the contact if he isn't prepared to step up and support you both.
I use to work as a SENCO so I totally understand the level of support you both need and the consistency your daughter requires.

Do you have a good support network around you? Does he contribute to child maintenance?

YANBU, if he can't be consistent with contact then he doesn't get any.

Don't bother pursuing him. Make sure he pays as much CM as possible and if he wants to resume contact later, make him work for it and prove he cares. Horrible, useless waste of space, doesnt deserve to be anywhere near your beautiful DD

Oh that’s so sad your daughter deserves consistency as she will only get confused as she gets older. If he can’t be consistent then he shouldn’t see her at all.

She is better off without him, only knowing your unconditional love and never feeling rejected.

She’s better off without him. His behaviour is horrible and cruel. He’s either in or out, not in when it suits him. Unless he can accept her for her tell him where to go.

What an a hole. He doesn't deserve your little daughter and he shouldn't have the choice. Cut him out, and be ruthless about getting his side of the finances

@Wilfy101 No worries. She only has my mother, sister and I, but I think that's all she needs. He doesn't pay anything at the moment.

You need to go through CMS. That is your daughter's money, even if you don't need it now you should save it for her future.

Oh like fuck I'd be having that. Be a useless cunt as a parent if you like but you step the hell up and at least support her financially. Didnt have any trouble contributing with her conception did he?

Whilst I think you should scale back your interactions with him, is sending pictures and trying to organise times and dates for her to see him. I think you do need to leave the channels open should he want to be part of your DDs life. It will be your DD who suffers most and it may mean that you could be open to the charge of sabotaging contact.
Off course this means he needs to pay monies that are due first and prove that he wants to be part of your DD's life.

Arsehole.

Go to CMS.

@Cheeseandwin5 I see your point. It will be hard, especially as I can't ask her when she is a bit older whether she would like to make contact with him or not, I need to make the right decision for her. I probably shouldn't contact him, and wait for him to make contact first. She gets so happy when she hears his voice, but I don't see happiness in him when he visits her.

What an absolute c°°t, blokes like him give us good dads such a bad name!

I have a daughter, shes not disabled, but couldnt imagine not wanting to see her, prick

He's an arsehole don't waste your precious time trying to work out why he is doing this. As others say , make sure he pays what he owes . All the best OP

Oh OP it must be hard seeing how excited she gets when he doesn’t care at all!! I completely agree with PP, make sure he pays his maintenance and let him know he’s no longer welcome to float in and out of his child’s life when it suits.

OP I would concentrate on her positive relationships - does she have other male role models ... uncles / cousins or even just a good trusted friend of you/ your families ?

I would tell Dad he needs to be more consistent and that you and your daughter won’t except anything less .

I would ask him to clarify exactly what he wants you to stop then I would ask him to say why so in the future he can't misrepresent why he has no contact to his family and any future girlfriend. I would then focus on your DD and forget about trying to make a relationship happen which is outside your control. Why are you not seeking any maintenance as, unless you are a millionaires, any money may presumably increase the quality of life of your DD (and force him each month to remember he has a DD).

Good luck.

@Qwertywerty3 He used to buy her nappies ect but he stopped when she was around 7 months old. He hasn't given any money though, but I have spoken to him and agreed an amount that he suggested but he now says it's too much.

If in England and Wales then don't try and agree an amount, engage with CMS and review periodically to take account of any pay rises and suchlike.