To Stop Contact As I Think DD's Father is Embarrassed of Her

[tt3t]

DD is severely disabled and blind, I feel like he doesn't want to see her because of this. He always has pictures with his nieces on his social media but none of dd. None of his family have met dd and don't bother to make contact.

I usually send him a few pictures of dd every so often (to which he never responds) but he has asked me to stop. I'm not sure if he means stop messaging him or stop sending pictures 🤔

DD's father hadn't made contact in a few months, but when his last relationship ended he started visiting about once or twice a month. Now this has stopped again as he has a new partner. I am thinking of stopping all contact with him as this has been going on for 2 years now, since she was born. I feel like it would be best to do this now when she is still young?

Go through CMS. And I’d stop proactively sending any information about her to him- he doesn’t deserve it.

What a fucking arsehole. Straight to CMS for payments, and forget about contact. She has all the love she needs.

@Handsoffisback it's their choice as they never approved of me but I thought they could put that aside for dd, but I was wrong 😔

Get onto CMS. He needs to help pay for his own child. Like any parent has too

Don’t let him get away with that

He can say his amount is too much OP but I guarantee it is less than half of what CMS would have him pay. Go to CMS and get the money your daughter needs, whether you need it now or not.

In addition I would go to court to cut him out other than payments (yes, it can be done for a parents who won't stick to any kind of consistent contact). Your daughter deserves stability and this random man coming in and out of her life will only confuse her, disabled or not.

Do it for her.

I agree with Zilla - ask him to clarify what he wants you to stop so you have it in writing.

Then as PPs have said let him make contact when he wants to see her. If he wants photos etc. he can see her and take them himself - no need for you to send them.

He and his family sound absolutely awful and I suspect your DD is better off without them in her life. He should still pay maintenance though so definitely put in a CMS claim.

[quote tt3t]@Qwertywerty3 He used to buy her nappies ect but he stopped when she was around 7 months old. He hasn't given any money though, but I have spoken to him and agreed an amount that he suggested but he now says it's too much.[/quote]
Of course he'd say that. He doesn't want to pay at all. You need to go to CMS and get the payments started.

OP would your daughters quality of life be improved by more financial resources ? Are there things that you need that would make things easier for you ? If so then. you must claim CM ...

Oh this is so heartbreaking to read. Your poor daughter, but as long as she has other positive male role models in her life, it doesn’t sound like her father is bringing anything positive to her life so sorry you both are going through this

Go through CMS, are you in UK?

Definitely go through cms x

@Bluejewel she has everything she needs, as my mother and sister help a lot, I know it's not their responsibility. I'll definitely get some professional help in getting maintenance though.

He seems to have made his intention to abandon her clear. Get rid of him, she doesn't need someone who puts in the barest effort to be her dad.

He doesn't pay anything and you've been letting him see her?

You're WAY too kind, OP!

I wouldn't let him near her again and I'd absolutely get the ball rolling for him having to pay.

Disgraceful behaviour from him.

Yanbu OP, what a despicable twat to be so inconsiderate and fickle with his own daughter.
I think uoure doing the right thing to protect her from his rubbish behaviour.

Yes, stop messaging him and sending pics. Wait for him to reach out or fade into nothingless.
If he does not pay maintenance or simlirar, I would send a letter and chase officially.
It is a shame. Shame on him.

Ah OP he’s an absolute bastard.

Stop the contact but you must apply for CM. That money will go towards nice things for her and things she will need like a good winter coat ect..

Massive unMN hugs.

She deserves consistency and financial support (even if all you do is out that money into savings for her future)

Op I wouldn’t be handing him additional excuses not to see his daughter. Contact the cms, leave the door open for contact but leave it up to him to facilitate it, don’t chase him, don’t contact him, stop sending pictures etc. Be entirely cool and reasonable otherwise you’re leaving the door wide open for him to be able to blame you for the lack of contact. He doesn’t have contact because he can’t be bothered with his disabled child not because his ex is nasty and stops him, don’t let that be his excuse. Stick to that and you won’t go far wrong.

All services for the disabled are already cut to next to nothing and there's no sign they will get any better. as she grows, your lovely daughter may well need extra help that you will have to finance yourself.

By all means do make sure that dreadful feckless waste of space pays every penny that he should to support his daughter, but also be careful how much money is put into savings solely in her name, because later on if she needs support like UC or whatever it will be called, she won't be eligible for any means-tested benefits because her "savings" will put her over the limit.

There is a perfectly legal way to 'ring-fence' a disabled child's finances from this but you'll need specialist advice to do so.

If your daughter is so happy when she hears his voice even though she rarely sees him then that suggests you've been feeding her the lie that he loves her really. Maybe you've been making excuses for him too? Don't do that.

You think you are being kind but you aren't. Children grow up experiencing obvious rejection while being told by their mum that he loves you, while being expected to accept crap excuses, being argued with if you ever dare say "he doesn't love me does he?" You are training them out of healthy boundaries, inadvertently grooming them to accept bad behaviour.

As far as I understand, child maintenance won't be deducted from any benefits for you and DD, and as others say, a savings account will allow her to have a little security or a fund for something she needs, later, if it isn't needed right now. Please take advice on ensuring he pays what he should, which must be according to his means, and established by court or at least by specialists, and legally binding.

I have no idea how it could be done, but somehow, his family and friends and girlfriends need to know he has a DD. (And an abandoned ex.) Not least, I hope, because it might make them ask him questions which would warn them of what he might do to future partners and children. He isn't violent, or alcoholic, or a gambler, but in a similar situation, future partners deserve a fair knowledge simply of fact, not opinion, so they know what they are getting in to.