2 or 3 kids

[LG101]

Contemplating another and most definitely final child. I’m leaning more towards a 3rd and OH isnt.

Hit me with your 2/3 kid stories. Honestly right now I’m so tired with a teething child I’m more tempted to stick at 2 but worried I will regret it later in life.

There’s the whole car / holiday / over population debates too!

Any reasons pro and con a third?

2..Only because you caught me at a bad time. I've literally just washed my floors ask both children whether they needed the toilet or to come into the living room and they both said no. As soon as I finish "I need a toilet" "I need a drink" puts me off a third massively!

Less time, space, resources, money for the existing children. If you split from your DH can you afford to support yourself and three others on your salary?

I always wanted 3 but I now have 2 and I won’t be having any more - the impact on my career and finances would be significant; we could do it but it would mean that we’d have to give up the things that give us quality of life and I don’t think we’d be able to provide what I’d like for 3 DC growing up. Selfishly I worry about the effect on my body after seeing how much a second one has impacted me after bouncing back well after my first. Having DC has also put a lot of pressure on mine and DHs relationship; we’d survive another DC but I’m not sure that just surviving it would be what I want.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss good points I haven’t really considered ever having to support my kids as a single parent.

@DaddysGirlForLife 😂🤣 I know that feeling

@user1493413286 I hate being pregnant and it doesn’t suit me at all. I’m so ill.

I would be more tempted if I could pay someone to carry the baby and do the sleepless nights 🙈

2 because I can farm my two kids out to friends, but 3 would be pushing it!

Nearly entirely financial I am afraid (I have 4 )

How much time, opportunity and quality of life can you give them?

It's space, it's the cost of holidays/ days out/ birthday parties/ uniforms,
it's flexibility around school clubs, the run around weekends of sports (2 parents can watch a match each, you can't be in 2 different fields at once)

It's juggling the school events, the time for homework and studies...
You can easily book hotel rooms for 2 adults 2 kids. Not so easily from 3!

I had 2, we thought that we couldn't afford more, then things perked up and we had another 2 so there's a bit of a gap. Totally worth it, but would have been impossible with siblings around to help out.

1. I say that having 3 dc. I found two easy but three is completely full on. I found the baby stage easy, but once dc3 was mobile it was crazy. Wouldn’t change them now but I’m so relieved they’re getting older.

The bonus side to 3 is that they might fight sometimes but generally they play together really well. They’re close in age so ideal for holidays etc

3 but that's only because I had the first 2 close together (2 years, I cant remember much about when the second one was little ) and then the 3rd one 10 years later with a different partner who didn't have children. I'm more relaxed about what she 'should' or 'shouldn't' be doing, she fits in with everyone else. Sleepless nights didn't scare me because I've never slept probably since I was pregnant with my first! I find it easier because the older ones can take themselves to and from school and are a bit more independent. Don't have to be supervised 24/7 as they're 14 and 12 and they help out with the little one. My sister has got 2 under 5 with another one on the way! Not sure id relish that! Definitely no more, I really hated being pg last time. More aches and pains and struggled to get back into shape so easily. I put it down to my age (40).

2 at most.

I love love love my children. Middle child syndrome is a thing. Just saying

I have a big gap before number 3. So I can't comment on ease etc close together. But in some ways youngest is an only child as older two can't really get onto his level or are just swamped with school work, friends hobbies etc

We have three.

It's a beautiful, wonderful, loud hot mess and I wouldn't change it for the world. But because it is a hot mess, I would definitely not recommend it if you are at all uptight, or easily wound up.

I loved being pregnant with the first two and the third was no different. #3 gets the benefit of all of the parenting knowledge of the first two, plus I know how fast everything passes so I can't help but savour every moment -- even the shitty, middle of the night ones, it's easier to get past when you know this, too, will end. It's also nice that we have more resources than we did 10 years ago when #1 was born, so our quality of life is just that much better.

I love it. I can see how people wouldn't, or would find it too stressful, but I love having three.

3 is the magic number for us. Agree about cars and holidays being more tricky. (Mine were all under 5 together) - yes factor in costs, hobbies, all the ferrying them around etc etc But because they have to 'share' mum and dad we do lots together- where as lots of friends with 2 kids seem to divide and conquer because they can. So at a theme park we all go around together....one parent doesn't go off with one child.

The home is always noisy and boisterous. They hang together. Or two will do something while the other amuses themselves. I wouldn't go back to two. Equally I couldn't cope with any more....and you do have to consider what if baby 3 were twins.....

My Nan used to say 2 was enough, one in each hand. I’d have liked 3 but my youngest would have made a terrible middle child (and at the time my DH was useless and not at all helpful or supportive and we lived 200 miles away from family). Youngest DS often says he’d have loved a younger sibling but I still think he wouldn’t manage being in the middle. I haven’t changed my mind tho, I am envious of those with 3 boys

2 is one each (assuming you're not a single parent) or one in each hand when you're on your own. Seems very obvious to me. Visited good friends last year who'd just had #3. Mother exclaimed 'how can I manage the baby? I've only got 2 hands!'. I say this as a third child.

and you do have to consider what if baby 3 were twins
Or non-neurotypical/complex health needs.

I’m more tempted to stick at 2 but worried I will regret it later in life
What if you regret having a third? It does happen.

I’m leaning more towards a 3rd and OH isnt
Perhaps the most important point of all. Your husband does not want another. If your plan is to nag him into it or 'oops' him, you might find yourself becoming a SM.

We have two and as much as it's only based on personal experience, the whole world seems designed for families of four. There's always one of us for each of them, after school clubs are easy as we can always make sure one of us is there, holidays are easy, travel is easy, time is easy and having a career has felt like an easy part of having just two; if we'd gone for a third I would have been the one making sacrifices as DH earns so much more than I do.

Plus DS2 would be a dreadful middle child. At his playgroup when he was little he would stare dead-eyed at the babies and tell me they had nothing to cry about. If we'd had another he would have tried to sell it, no question.

@ViciousJackdaw nooo I would never have a 3rd without OH consent! It takes two to tango and all that jazz

I do wonder if we would be pushing our luck having a 3rd with twins / disabilities etc.

Money wouldn’t be a massive issue, I think we can afford a third.

Guess we will wait till DC2 is slightly older it’s a good shout on whether they would be a good middle child or a nightmare

2 here. Depends on age gaps. Found childcare pricey with 2. They teens now. My friends all have 3.

I have two, they’re teens now so definitely no more for me. I came from a big family, five of us In total which put me off having a lot of kids.

I know five is more than three, but there were three of us for quite a long time as the last two are quite a lot younger.

Honestly, we fought like cat and dog. I was the middle one and definitely had middle child syndrome. My mum really couldn’t cope with us and it was just s a pretty unpleasant experience all round. Why she ever went on to have two more is beyond me.

Anyway. Do what you think is right for your family. This is only my experience.

To add a bit of balance, I actually really like having a lot of siblings as an adult.

The big reasons I’m sticking at 2;

Terrified of middle child syndrome, don’t want to (maybe) do that to DD.

Can’t see what number 3 could give me that 1 & 2 already haven’t.

Bigger car/home needed.

I’d always sort of envisioned this big happy family with kids coming & going, I’ll mourn it a little. But in reality number 3 (although I’m sure would be lovely) would just be more work for all of us!

If your husband doesn't want another child the issue is already settled, is it not? Unless you're willing to end your marriage and find a new partner.

I'm in your situation OP, I lean towards having a third but my DH isn't so keen. I think he could probably come round to the idea but I'd want him to be 110% on board really so the fact he's hesitant sort of puts me off.

I would quite like another pregnancy, birth, newborn again and I'd like three adult children (or at least I think I would...mine are only little so I guess I don't really know what it is like!) but I'm not so sure about juggling three children once the youngest is mobile...